Hugo Rune looked towards his arch-enemy. ‘Why, if it isn’t Count Rotto,’ said he. ‘We meet again. And how fitting that it should be amongst your own people. Those who share your fear of the bathroom.’

‘Shall I cut him down by a foot or two?’ asked the pongy pirate chief.

‘All in good time.’ Count Otto Black grinned. ‘For now I will have words with my fat friend. And then you may cast them all over the side.’

‘But we can jolly roger the little one?’ asked the pirate captain.

‘Be my guest,’ said Count Otto. And he produced from his pocket a Luger pistol and pointed this at Hugo Rune. The pirates resumed their carousing and the count had words to say.

‘This, I feel,’ said Count Otto, smiling with evil upon Hugo Rune, ‘will be our last time together. You are fighting out of your weight, my plump fellow, and that says much, does it not?’

I saw Mr Rune’s knuckles whiten on the hand with which he held his stout stick. But he retained his dignity and regarded his enemy with a look which combined nonchalance and contempt to a winning effect.

‘Poor old magician,’ crowed Count Otto Black. ‘Out of his time and out of his league. The world has changed, Hugo, changed for ever. The old Gods are reborn, but not within the frail bodies of men. Rather within mighty machines. Great engines of power. Do you understand anything of what I speak?’

‘I understand all,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘I understand that the enemies of Goodness and Peace are possessed of a great computer, which is itself possessed by the spirit of Wotan.’

‘Indeed, indeed.’ And the count clapped his hands together. ‘And Colossus was possessed by the spirit of Arthur, which you sent on its way.’ And the count laughed cruelly. ‘A bit of an error there on your part, I am thinking. An own goal.’

‘We shall see,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘Matters will adjust themselves, of this I have no doubt.’

‘Indeed they will, but you will not be here to see this occur. You will be deep at the bottom of the sea where you can cause no further annoyance.’

‘And as this is to be the case,’ said the Magus, ‘then there would be no harm in you revealing to me your plans for world domination. Such is the way of the supervillain, is it not?’

‘Indeed, indeed, indeed,’ said Count Otto Black, thrice more. ‘As you might well be aware, two days from now, at precisely twelve noon, an atomic bomb will fall upon New York. The Americans have been carrying out many experiments with atomic weaponry and they have a number of bombs in various stages of completion currently being transported hither and thus across North America. These will be triggered in a chain reaction by my bomb. America will cease to be, the Allies will capitulate before the nuclear might of the Third Reich and Germany will win the war.’

‘And what will that make you?’

‘I rather favour a position of power,’ said the count, preening at himself with grubby fingers. ‘Ultimate power! High Priest in the World Temple of Wotan rather suits me. For with the fall of the Allies, an ancient God will once more be restored to his rightful place and the beaten peoples of the world converted to his faith.’

‘All well and good,’ said Hugo Rune, in a voice that lacked not for irony. ‘But how do you intend to deliver an atomic bomb to New York unnoticed?’

‘It is on its way even now,’ said the count. ‘ Germany is all but done for in terms of resources and cannot survive another year of war. A means of transporting the bomb, using what remains in the armament factories of the Reich, has been created. A Zeppelin, Hugo. The biggest ever built, powered by jets. And aboard this craft, along with the bomb itself, the computer possessed by Mankind’s new God. Such will direct the dropping of the bomb, unseen from on high.’

‘Such a mighty craft will surely be seen and shot down,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘This plan will never succeed.’

‘Oh, I think it will,’ said the count. ‘Because no one will see the Zeppelin approaching New York. Because it will be invisible. Caught within the ionic beam of the Tesla field generator that I removed from your conservatory and which is even now down in the cargo hold. What think you of that?’

‘I think we shall see what we shall see,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘I thank you for supplying me with this valuable information. I shall of course use it to confound your evil scheme.’

‘No no no,’ said Count Otto Black, taking then to the laughter so beloved of supervillains. ‘Now you die, Hugo Rune. Hey, Captain,’ he called to the pestiferous pirate. ‘Weight this big one heavily and cast him over the side.’

And with that several loathsome swabs laid hands on Hugo Rune. They tore his stout stick from his grip and marched him from our sight.

I would have pleaded with Count Otto Black if I had thought that there would have been any point in doing so. But I knew better, so I kicked him in the ankle bone instead.

The count took to comedy hopping about, followed by calls for my death.

‘Might we engage in jolly rogering first?’ asked a stinking salt. Which made the count grin as he rubbed at his leg, and that fair put the willies up me.

So to speak.

But now another unexpected arrival caught the attention of one and all. Through the burst-beyond-all-repair doorway marched a number of German soldiers. Smartly turned out special troops were these, all shiny helmets with death’s head motifs and lots of buckled leather. It had to be said that they seemed to me more fearsome than any bad pirate.

One who held rank amongst them stepped forwards, clicked heels and Heil-Hitlered Count Otto. The count did Heilings in reply and asked for a report.

‘The field generator has been located in the cargo hold, mein Herr,’ said the high-ranker. ‘It is now being loaded onto the motor torpedo boat, as were your orders.’ And this was followed by more heel-clicks and a little bit more Heil-Hitlering.

‘Good,’ said the count. ‘And keep a steady eye upon the torpedo boat’s propeller – I do not want it fouled up with Sargassum. Make ready to leave when fully loaded.’ And yet more heel-clicks followed these words.

The excrementitious pirates who still remained in the posh saloon bar eyeballed these finely dressed soldiers. And perhaps little ill-oiled and poorly maintained cogs were starting to mesh together within their scruffious heads. They exchanged bitter glances and one, no fouler than the rest, being of leprous aspect and dunghill disposition, was caused to offer up words to the effect that, ‘All don’t seem right hereabouts.’ And also, ‘I smells a rat.’

Which did give me the opportunity to stick in my three-pennyworth. Because I had to save Hugo Rune somehow and the best way I could think of doing that was to cause a big diversion here, during which I could quietly slip away.

‘He means to trick all of you,’ I shouted and I pointed to the count. ‘He was only using you to capture this ship. Now that he has what he wants he will desert you. Or probably have you all killed.’

‘Shoot this outspoken turd!’ cried the count and a soldier took aim at my person.

‘Belay that,’ called a pirate.

And I saw my father hurl the bottle that bounced off Count Otto’s head.

Now there is one thing in particular that pirates and soldiers have in common and that is their love for a good old fight. Sailors particularly love fighting in a dancehall (oh, man, look at those cavemen go). Soldiers prefer a bar, and pirates will basically have-at-you wherever and whenever the opportunity arises.

There were half a dozen pirates and quite as many soldiers, so it made for even sides and a rather decent fight.

I ducked down behind the bar counter where I found Fangio, cowering with his monkey. I think my father stepped back from the actual fighting, but then it would have been hard for him to either throw a punch or defend himself as he was so engaged in flapping his hands and turning around in small circles.