She took the book back outside and closed her eyes for a minute. What was it she was missing?

“Ah, you do breathe.”

Nikki’s eyes shot open to find Alan standing over her, dressed in a pair of blue jogging shorts and white T-shirt soaked in sweat. “Hi. I see you’ve been out for a run.”

“Beautiful morning. I needed the exercise and to think.”

“I’m sure. Hey, would you like a cup of coffee? It’s fresh.”

“Normally I would turn caffeine down, but today I feel more human than I have felt in years. I didn’t sleep last night at all. I suppose there’s still quite a bit of ego left in me after all.”

“Is that a yes to the coffee?”

He laughed. “Sure. I’d love some.”

“Why don’t you come on in? I’d hate for you to get a chill.”

He followed her into the house. Ollie came up, sniffed him, and then trotted right behind.

“That’s Ollie.”

“Hey, boy.” Ollie pushed his head under Alan’s hand, forcing the pat and causing Alan to laugh.

“He likes you.” Nikki handed him the coffee.

“He knows I love animals.”

“Come in. Sit down.”

They sat down in the family room and for a few seconds sipped their coffee silently. Surely Alan felt as tense as she did. Ollie broke the silence by laying his thick head in Alan’s lap. Although Nikki had pretty much decided that Alan Sansi wasn’t a murderer, that moment with her big silly dog trusting the man implicitly cemented it for her. Ollie had good instincts.

“I suppose you’re wondering what I’m going to do about the workshop,” Alan said.

Nikki set her cup down. “Kind of. I’m sure everyone is.”

“I forgot how good coffee can be.” He smiled. “I’ve been thinking about it all night and then out on my run and maybe this isn’t the best time to conduct a workshop. Maybe everyone needs some space to digest what has happened and then we can regroup at a later time.”

He looked sad. Really sad. Nikki thought about it for a moment. “Can I suggest something?”

“Of course.”

“I found it kind of weird that when Iwao was killed, the group moved on so quickly, you know. We didn’t change up the program. Nothing. I understand that you were trying to get people into a different frame of mind, but isn’t there something to be said for talking about what occurred and how people might feel about it?”

“There is and it’s also something that I was thinking about while on my run. I’ve tried so hard to get people to live in their spirit mode that I tend to forget we are also humans and we have to acknowledge that humanity in all of us. I tell people that we are spiritual beings being housed by a body and we are here for the human experience. I suppose that I have forgotten the latter part of that teaching-the idea that we are having a human experience, and if that’s so, then we need to feel the feelings. It’s possible I’ve mixed up feelings and ego a little too much and clouded everything when my intentions were to only make things clearer.”

When he looked at her again, Nikki could see the lines framing his blue eyes. The passive smile he’d worn since being at the vineyard had faded, and he appeared drawn and even frightened some-he now seemed human. “Maybe, and maybe it’s that recognition you acknowledged that makes you the great teacher you are. Instead of bailing on the workshop, can you change it so that the members work through whatever it is they need to around all of this? I would imagine that for some it could be sadness. I mean, you seem pretty sad about it, and for good reason. Iwao was a student of yours.”

“Iwao was not so much a student in the way that, say, Simon and Marco are. They truly believe they are working on their souls.”

“Aren’t they?”

“Absolutely.” He took a sip from his mug.

“Then what do you mean about Iwao?”

He closed his eyes, squeezed tight, and then opened them. “Iwao wanted to be a part of the movement of New Age philosophy. Directly in the sales of it. What he failed to understand is there is nothing New Age about anything that I, or many of my colleagues, teach. These teachings have been around since the days that Christ walked the earth and spread his message, or the Buddha, or Krishna. Many of the great teachers of the past have been preaching the same messages that I do. The difference now is that there is what I call a movement in which people who are not necessarily serious about their own personal growth, or that of others, are trying to capitalize on the teachings because they see dollar signs. Look at what the book The Secret did. Since then, and even somewhat before that book and movie, people all over were trying to get on the bandwagon to make a buck all in the name of enlightenment.”

“How about you?” Nikki asked.

He shook a finger at her. “That’s what I like about you. You don’t hold back at all.”

“No I don’t. I’ve been accused of that and I’ll plead guilty.”

“Some might say that I am only out for the almighty dollar, but it’s not true. I’ve been spreading my beliefs for over twenty-five years and I truly believe what I teach. The reason we have the money we do is because I don’t believe in lack; therefore, I never live in a lack of.”

“I’d say not. I know how much it is to become a member of this group.”

“Yes. Did you also know that seventy-five percent of that membership fee goes directly to two charities I sponsor? One is for abused children, the other for abused animals. I believe abuse to be the downfall of our society. Abuse can and does wreck the soul. If you don’t believe me about the charities, I will happily show you the books. The other twenty-five percent of the fee covers the expenses for these events. Much of which I subsidize.”

Could she just go crawl under a rock right about now? Yikes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Not at all. You didn’t. I don’t go around advertising the fact, and the reason I do have people pay that large sum is because I want to know they’re serious about it. There is a commitment level there. Even the superwealthy feel a hit at a hundred thousand dollars. It’s not something you want to throw away.”

“I would say so. But what about Iwao and his lack of sincerity? Why was he in the group? You’re not the only one to tell me that he wasn’t here for the real deal, by the way.”

“I’m sure that I’m not. Iwao needed this group. It was my hope, as it is for everyone who joins, that even though their initial intention seems apparent and good, that they discover the real reason for their involvement. Take Simon and Marco. They think they’re here because they want to lose all sense of ego by dropping the name brands and the fancy cars and all the expensive things they buy. But that’s not why they’re really here. They’re here to figure themselves and each other out. They don’t need to get rid of all that external stuff, although I always suggest it, especially at first. If you can be comfortable and happy with nothing, then you have it made. We come here with nothing and we leave with nothing. My guess is those two moments-the one of conception and the one at the point of death-may be the two happiest moments of our lives.”

“I suppose.”

“I know. I get off on tangents. Iwao joined us with the hopes of becoming my publisher and promoter in order to take what I’m doing to his country and make me what he called me the other day, ‘a superstar.’ That’s not what I’m about. I’d hoped that through being with us, Iwao would discover there is real truth in what I say and what people discover through these workshops and that it isn’t simply a dollars-and-cents game.”

“I see. You have a loyalty to Inspiritus and Rich Higgins.”

“I do. To Rich’s mother actually. Rich is new at this and sometimes we don’t see eye to eye. He can have a tendency to only think about the bottom line. But he is coming into my family, and because of that, I think I can guide him. My family and my daughter will be a part of his growth and experience.”