If you only knew, Kyle kept saying to himself. And he ached because he couldn’t tell his father the truth.

Kyle was relieved when his mother did not answer the phone. He waited until almost eleven on Saturday morning before calling. He left a pleasant little message about popping in for a quick hello as he was passing through York for some vague reason. She was either asleep or medicated, or if it was a good day, she was in her studio thoroughly absorbed in creating some of the most dreadful art never seen in a gallery or an exhibition. Visits with his mother were painful. She rarely left her loft, for any reason, so the suggestion that they meet for coffee or lunch was always dismissed. If the meds were in sync, she talked incessantly while forcing Kyle to admire her latest masterpieces. If the meds were out of order, she would lie on the sofa with her eyes closed, unbathed, unkempt, often inconsolable in her gloom and misery. She seldom asked about his life — college, law school, girlfriends, plans for the future. She was much too absorbed in her own sad little world. Kyle’s twin sisters stayed far away from York.

He left the message on her recorder as he was hustling out of town and hoped she didn’t return the call anytime soon. She did not; in fact, the call was never returned, which was not unusual. Four hours later he was in Pittsburgh. Joey Bernardo had tickets for the Penguins-Senators hockey game Saturday night. Three tickets, not two.

They met at Boomerang’s, a favorite watering hole from their college days. After Kyle quit drinking (Joey did not), he avoided most bars. Driving to Pittsburgh, he had hoped for some quiet time with his old roommate, but it wasn’t to be.

The third ticket was for Blair, Joey’s soon-to-be-announced fiancée. By the time the three of them settled into a tight booth and ordered drinks, Joey was gushing with the news that they had just become engaged and were looking at wedding dates. Both were glowing with love and romance and seemed oblivious to everything else. They held hands, sat close, even giggled at each other, and after five minutes Kyle felt uncomfortable. What had happened to his friend? Where was the old Joey — the tough kid from South Pittsburgh, son of a fire captain, accomplished boxer, all-conference high school fullback, tremendous appetite for girls, a cynical, smart-ass wisecracker who believed women were disposable, the guy who’d vowed he wouldn’t marry until he was at least forty?

Blair had turned him to mush. Kyle was astonished at the transformation.

They eventually tired of their wedding plans and potential honeymoon destinations, and the talk turned to careers. Blair, a chatterbox who began every sentence with either “I” or “me” or “my,” worked for an advertising agency and spent far too much time detailing some of their latest marketing maneuvers. Joey hung on every word while Kyle began glancing at the clock behind them, high above a row of windows. As she prattled on, Kyle worked hard at maintaining enough eye contact to feign interest, but his mind drifted to the video.

“Is she awake?” Joey asks as Baxter has sex with a dangerously intoxicated Elaine Keenan.

“Blair travels to Montreal quite often,” Joey said, then Blair ricocheted onto the subject of Montreal and its beauty. She was learning French!

Is she awake? Joey, sitting there with his hand under the table no doubt rubbing some flesh, had no earthly idea that such a video existed. When was the last time Joey even thought about the incident? Ever? Had he forgotten it completely? And what good would it do for Kyle to bring it up now?

After the Pittsburgh police quietly closed the file on Elaine and her rape, the brothers of Beta buried it, too. During his last two years of college, Kyle could not remember a single instance when the episode was discussed. Elaine disappeared and was quickly forgotten.

If Bennie Wright and his operatives had been snooping around Duquesne and Pittsburgh in recent weeks, Kyle wanted to know about it. Perhaps Joey might have seen or heard something. Perhaps not. Joey wasn’t noticing much these days except for Blair.

“Have you talked to Baxter?” Joey asked when Blair finally stopped for air.

“Not in a month or so.”

Joey was grinning as if a joke was on the way. “He finally got in a movie, you know.”

“No kidding. He didn’t tell me.”

Blair giggled like a first grader because she undoubtedly knew the rest of the story.

“That’s because he doesn’t want you to know,” Joey went on.

“Must be a great movie.”

“Yep, he got drunk one night — and by the way, the drinking is now in no-man’s-land — so he called and told me he’d made his debut. It was a cheap cable flick about a young girl who finds a human leg washed up on a beach, and for the rest of the movie she has nightmares about being chased by a one-legged killer.”

“Where does the great Baxter Tate fit in?”

“Well, you have to watch real close or you’ll miss him. There’s a scene on a boat where the cops are gazing at the ocean, presumably looking for the rest of the body, though this is never clear. The movie has a lot of uncertainties. One of the deputies walks over to the sheriff and says, “Sir, we’re low on fuel.” That’s our movie star.”

“Baxter is a deputy?”

“And a bad one. He has only that one line and delivers it like a frightened sophomore in the school play.”

“Was he sober?”

“Who knows, but I would say yes. If he’d been drunk, as usual, he would’ve nailed the line.”

“I can’t wait to see it.”

“Don’t, and don’t tell him I mentioned it. He called the next morning, begging me not to watch it and threatening me if I told anyone. He’s a mess.”

And that reminded Blair of one of her friends who knew someone “out there” who landed a role in a new sitcom, and away she went. Kyle smiled and nodded as his brain switched compartments. Of the three roommates, Joey was the only one who could possibly help, if indeed help was possible. Baxter Tate was in dire need of intensive rehab. Alan Strock was thoroughly consumed with medical school at Ohio State and, of the four, was clearly the least likely to get involved.

For Joey, the stakes were high. He was on the tape, wondering aloud if Elaine was awake and conscious while Baxter did the deed, then Joey himself took a turn. He was currently handling accounts at a regional brokerage firm in Pittsburgh and had two promotions under his belt. He was goofy in love with Air Blair here, and any hint of an old rape charge would upset their perfect lives.

On the one hand, Kyle felt as though he was taking the fall for Joey. He hadn’t touched Elaine that night, yet it was his life and career now getting hijacked by Bennie Wright and his dirty little video. Shouldn’t Joey at least know about it?

And on the other hand, Kyle couldn’t convince himself that he should drop the bomb on Joey at this point. If he, Kyle, took the Scully & Pershing job and met the demands of Bennie Wright, and didn’t get caught, there was a decent chance the video would eventually be forgotten.

Hours later, during a break in the game, with Blair off in the ladies’ room, Kyle suggested they meet Sunday for breakfast. He needed to leave town early, he said, and might it be possible to get together without Blair for an hour or so? Let her sleep in, maybe?

They met for bagels at a shop owned by a chain, a place that had not existed when Kyle was at Duquesne. Blair was still asleep somewhere, and Joey admitted to needing a break. “Sweet girl,” Kyle said more than once, and each time felt guilty for lying. He could not imagine a life with such a windbag. She had great legs, though, the type Joey had always coveted.

They talked about New York for a long time — life in a big firm, the grind of the city, the sports teams, other friends who were there, and so on. Kyle eventually brought the conversation around to the old Beta gang, and they played catch-up for a while. They laughed at pranks and hazing and parties and stupid stunts pulled by themselves and others. They were twenty-five now, far removed from the craziness of their early college days, and the nostalgia was fun for a few minutes. Several times, the “Elaine thing” was at the surface, waiting for a comment or a question, but Joey did not mention it. It was forgotten.