“And I’m on the list?”

“No, you didn’t make it. Sorry.”

“Darn.”

“It’s mainly family members. They’re on my list, and I’d probably be on their lists if they ever got serious about life. Now that I’ve made the list, the next step is to make amends. That’s even more frightening. Brother Manny beat his first wife before he went to prison.

She divorced him, and years later when he sobered up, he tracked her down to say he was sorry. She had a scar above her lip, thanks to him, and when she finally agreed to meet with him, he begged for forgiveness. She kept pointing to the scar. She was crying, he was crying, sounds horrible, doesn’t it?”

“It does.”

“I assaulted a girl one time. She’s on my list.”

The turkey on rye froze halfway down the esophagus. Joey kept chewing, but the food wasn’t moving. “You don’t say.”

“Elaine Keenan, remember her? She claimed we raped her at a party in our apartment.”

“How could I forget?”

“Do you ever think about her, Joey? She went to the police. Scared the hell out of us. We almost hired lawyers. I tried my best to forget about it, and I almost did. But now that I’m sober and my mind is clear, I’m remembering things better. We took advantage of that girl, Joey.”

Joey placed the sandwich aside. “Maybe your memory is not as sharp as you think. What I remember is a wild girl who loved to party, loved to drink and snort coke, but what she loved the most was random sex. We did not take advantage of anyone. At least I did not. If you want to revise history, then go ahead, but don’t include me.”

“She passed out. I went first, and while I was doing it, I realized she’d blacked out. Then I remember you walked up to the sofa and you said something like ‘Is she awake?’ Do you remember any of this, Joey?”

“No.” Portions of it were familiar, but Joey wasn’t sure anymore. He’d worked so hard to forget the episode, then he’d been shocked back to reality when Kyle described the video.

“She claimed she was raped. Maybe she was right.”

“No way, Baxter. Allow me to refresh your memory. You and I had sex with her the night before. Evidently she liked it, because on the night in question we bumped into her again and she said, “Let’s go.” She consented before we got back to our apartment.”

Another long pause as each tried to anticipate what was next.

“You thinking about having a little chat with Elaine?” Joey asked.

“Maybe. I need to do something, Joey. I don’t feel right about what happened.”

“Come on, Baxter, we were all drunk out of our minds. The whole night was a blur.”

“Oh, the wonders of alcohol. We do things we don’t remember. We hurt others because of our selfishness. And when we finally sober up, we are compelled to at least apologize.”

“Apologize? Let me tell you a quick story, Brother Baxter. I bumped into Elaine a few weeks ago. She lives in Scranton. I was passing through on business, saw her in a deli during lunch. I tried to be civil, she freaked out on me, called me a rapist. I suggested we get together a few hours later for a polite cup of coffee. She showed up with her lawyer, a real tough broad who thinks all men are scum. So let’s say you go over to Scranton, find her, and tell her you’re sorry because there’s a good chance she was telling the truth after all, and you want to feel better about yourself because now you’re sober and you have this desire to be a good little alcoholic. Know what’ll happen, Baxter? Indictments, arrests, trials, lawsuits, prison — all of the above. And not just for you, Brother Baxter, but for some of your friends as well.”

A brief gap as Joey caught his breath. He had Baxter on the ropes, time to finish him off. “Her lawyer explained that the statute of limitations on rape is twelve years in Pennsylvania, so time has not expired. We got a long way to go. You get near her with some half-baked, feel-good apology and you’ll find out what rape is all about when they lock you away.”

Joey jumped to his feet, walked across the boardwalk, and spat at the rivers. He returned to the bench but didn’t sit down. Baxter hadn’t moved, but he was shaking his head.

“She wanted the sex, Baxter, and we were happy to accommodate her. You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”

“I’ve got to talk to her.”

“Hell no! You’re not going near her until the four of us — me, you, Kyle, and Alan — have a long discussion. That’ll be ugly, won’t it?”

“I need to talk to Kyle. He has more sense than the rest of us.”

“Yes, he does, but he has a crushing workload. Tremendous stress.” Joey tried to imagine such a meeting between the two. Kyle, thinking about the video, while Baxter and his amazing new memory confirm the details. It would be a disaster.

“I’ll go to New York,” Baxter said.

“Don’t do it.”

“Why not? I’d like to see Kyle.”

“Okay, but if you talk to Kyle, then talk to Alan, too. Everybody talks for a good long time before you go blundering into Scranton and screw up our lives. I’m telling you, Baxter, this girl is out for blood and her lawyer has a nose for it.”

Another long gap in the conversation. Joey finally sat down and thumped his pal on the knee. Just a couple of old frat brothers who still cared for each other. “You can’t do this, Baxter,” Joey said with as much conviction as he could muster. At the moment, he was thinking about his own skin. How would he tell Blair, who was now five months pregnant? “Hey, babes, just got a phone call. Seems they want me downtown, something about a rape charge. Could be serious. Might not be home for dinner. Someone said reporters are waiting. Catch it on Channel 4. Later. Hugs and kisses.”

“I’m not sure about what happened, Joey,” Baxter said, softly and slowly as ever. “But I know what I did was wrong.”

“My uncle, the alcoholic, when he went through AA, he made a list, too. He had stolen a rifle from my father, and he saved his money until he could buy another one. Brought it to the house one night, big surprise, big scene. But if I remember correctly, you, as the alcoholic working your way through the Twelve Steps process, cannot make amends if doing so will harm others. Isn’t that right?”

“That’s correct.”

“Then there’s your answer. If you approach her and beg forgiveness, she and her lawyer will go nuts and drag in me and probably Kyle and Alan as well. You can’t do it, because it will harm us.”

“If you did nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about. I’m confronting what I did, and what I did was wrong.”

“This is crazy, Baxter. Look, you’re clean and sober and full of the gospel, good for you. I’m very proud of you. The future looks great, yet you’re willing to throw it all away and risk twenty years in prison. Come on! This is madness.”

“Then what should I do?”

“Get your ass back to Reno or somewhere far away and forget about this. Go live a great life out there. Just leave us alone.”

Two policemen walked by, laughing, and Joey stared at the handcuffs on their belts.

“You can’t do this, Baxter,” he said. “Give it some time. Pray about it. Talk to your minister.”

“I have already.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said to be cautious.”

“Smart guy. Look, you’re in a state of transition right now. Everything is unsettled. You’re out of L.A., you’re clean and sober. All good stuff. Again, I’m proud of you. But it’s a mistake to rush off and do something foolish.”

“Let’s walk,” Baxter said and slowly rose to his feet. They strolled along the river, saying little, watching the boats.

“I really want to see Kyle,” Baxter finally said.