‘No. Well, yes. But they also have a certainty of each other. That’s what I want.’ He looked away from her and spoke more gently as if she were fragile. ‘I know Rapskal has not been gone that long, but—’

‘How can anyone seriously think that Rapskal and I were anything more than friends?’ she burst out indignantly. She jerked her hand out from under his and used it to push back the hair from her face.

He looked surprised. ‘You were always with him, all the time. Ever since we left Cassarick. Always sharing a boat, always sleeping together’

‘He always lay down to sleep next to me. And no one else ever offered to share a boat with me. I liked him, when he wasn’t making me cross or annoying me or saying strange things.’ Suddenly her diatribe against him seemed disloyal. She halted her words and admitted in a whisper, ‘I liked him a lot. But I never imagined I was in love with him, and I don’t think he ever thought of me that way. In fact, I’m certain of it. He was just my peculiar friend who always looked on the bright side of things and who was always in a good temper. He always sought me out. I didn’t have to work to be his friend.’

‘He was that,’ Tats agreed quietly. For a moment, that mourning silence held, and during it she felt closer to Tats than she had for a long time. Thymara broke the silence at last. ‘What was the other reason?’

‘What?’

‘You started to say and I interrupted you. What was the other reason you thought it would be best if I declared that I was, that I was with you.’ She tried to find a better euphemism, couldn’t, and gave up on it. She looked at him directly and waited.

‘It would settle things. Put an end to speculation. There is, um, some bad feelings. From the others. Nortel has made a few comments—’

‘Such as?’ she asked him roughly.

He became blunt. ‘That I’m not one of you, and that you belong with someone of your own kind, someone who can really understand you.’

‘That sounds like Greft stirring the pot again.’

‘Probably. He says lots of things like that. Late at night, around the fire. Usually after the girls have gone to sleep. He talks about how things are going to be, when we reach Kelsingra. According to Greft, we’ll build our own city there. Well, it won’t be a city at first, of course. But we’ll settle there and make homes. Eventually others will come to join us there but we keepers will be the founders. We’ll make the rules.

‘And when he talks like that, he unfolds things so logically that it does start to seem like it must be the way he says it’s going to be. And usually, it comes out like he says it will. When we found out that Jerd was, well, going to have a baby, he said someone would have to be responsible, even if she didn’t know whose it was. And he said he’d set the example, and he did. And then, later, he said that Sylve was too young to have to make decisions for herself. He picked out Harrikin for her, because he was older and would have more self-control. He told him to start out by being her protector. And he did, and it worked out that Sylve chose him.’

‘Sylve said that?’ She was shocked.

‘Well, not directly. But it’s obvious to all of us. And Greft said that even though no one could figure out why you’d chosen Rapskal, that was how it was and no one was to interfere. It made me angry at first. I didn’t think you’d “chosen” him. But I was, well, I was with Jerd when he said it. So I couldn’t very well say’ He let his words trickle away, took a breath, and tried again. ‘And everyone respected what he said. No one tried to come between you two. But Rapskal is gone now. I hope he’ll turn up, but if he doesn’t, I wanted you to know that I was, well, waiting and hoping.’

She decided to put an end to all of it, immediately. ‘Tats. I like you. A lot. We’ve been friends for a long time. And I’m sure that if anyone can understand me, it’s you. But I’m not “choosing” you or anyone else. Not now, and maybe not ever.’

‘But… not ever? Why?’

Her annoyance blossomed. ‘Because. That’s why. Because it’s up to me, not Greft, not you, not anyone else. I won’t be told I have to “choose” as if there is some time limit and after that, it will not be my choice any more. I want you and Greft and everyone else to know that perhaps not choosing one of you is a possible choice for me.’

‘Thymara!’ he protested.

‘No,’ she said flatly, forbidding whatever it was he was going to say. ‘No. And that’s the end of it. You can tell Greft that, or he can come and talk to me and I’ll tell him.’

‘Thymara, that’s not—’

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by a distant sound. At first, Thymara thought it was a horn. She’d heard that Carson was going to look for other survivors, but wasn’t sure if he’d left already or was going to go in the morning. Then she heard the sound again and realized it was not a horn but a dragon calling.

From the mucky shallows, first Mercor and then Fente replied. Kalo chimed in with his bull’s roar, and Sestican echoed him.

‘Who is it?’ Tats demanded of the darkness.

Thymara’s heart leapt in sudden hope. She strained her ears, listening to the distant dragon’s response. Then she shook her head in disappointment. ‘Not Heeby. Heeby is shriller than that.’

Arbuc suddenly trumpeted, a clear and long call. Silver-green, he moved out of the shallows and into the current. The moonlight touched him and he seemed to gleam with joy. He swam steadily down the current, towards the unseen dragon. When he lifted his voice again, his thoughts rode loud on it. ‘Alum! Alum, I come for you!’

Tats and Thymara leaned on the railing, craning and trying to force their eyes to see farther into the blackness. The other keepers were joining them, and she heard Captain Leftrin’s bellow, ‘Who is it? Has anyone sighted it yet?’

‘It’s the silver!’ someone on the stern yelled suddenly. ‘It’s the little silver dragon! And Alum is with her! They’re both alive.’

‘Silver! You’re alive!’ There was no mistaking the joy in Sylve’s shout of greeting to the dragon. He turned his head towards her and for a moment, looked almost intelligent.

‘I’m so glad!’ Tats exclaimed and Thymara nodded silently. She watched the homecoming, sick with envy. Alum tried to embrace his dragon, but Arbuc had grown too large. He transferred from the little silver’s back to Arbuc’s broad one and then leaned forward against his dragon as if by pressing his heart against him, he might become one with him.

What was wrong with her? Why didn’t she have that sort of a bond with Sintara? Or with anyone? She glanced at Tats surreptitiously. He leaned far out on the railing, grinning. Why didn’t she announce she’d chosen him? Why couldn’t she be like Jerd and charge into things? Jerd had obviously sampled a number of males. Now Greft had proclaimed she was his, and she didn’t seem displeased with that. Would it be so hard? To just take what was offered, without making a commitment?

The silver, obviously pleased with himself, lashed river water to a froth with his tail and then, spreading his wings, ‘flew’ in a series of splashes to join the other dragons in the shallows. The other keepers crowded the aft railings, laughing and shouting and pointing. She began to drift in that direction.

Without warning, Tats took her hand again. He tugged at her until she turned back to face him. ‘Don’t be so sad. Rapskal and Heeby might still be alive. We won’t give up hope just yet.’

She looked up at him. He wasn’t that much taller than she was, but the expedition had changed him. He’d muscled out, his shoulders and chest built up by the paddling in a way that was very different from the muscles of a tree-climbing gatherer. She rather liked it. Her eyes moved over his face. The small tattoo of a horse, legacy of the slavery of his infancy, was only an unevenness against his windburned skin in the fading light. The spider webbing was nearly gone. This close to him, she could smell him, and that too was not unpleasant.