Neither CC nor Lulu bother to talk to James. They sing along with the music and start to dance. I have played the role of a listener and decide to escape. I say to James, "Enjoy yourself," then join my friends.

Half an hour later, James pushes through the crowd and comes back to us. "You girls are hyperactive. You simply don't stop. I'm an old man. I'm exhausted and have to go back to my hotel and lie down. Before I leave, I wonder if you can give me your phone numbers. Your English is good. I might need some help from you."

"Gee, he's audacious!" CC whispers to me.

I thought James might have felt like a kid in a candy store. With so many inviting, sexy girls, we thought he'd soon forget about us since we weren't impressed by his Yalie background. But to our surprise he comes back to us. Before I can say anything, Lulu has already given him our phone numbers.

"Why?" After James leaves with his sleek smile, I ask Lulu.

"If he can't get any girls here, there's no threat in him having our numbers," Lulu says. "The only reason that I gave him our numbers was I wanted him to disappear."

After The Den, Lulu, CC, and I go to a twenty-four-hour noodle shop. It's already two in the morning.

Just then Lulu's Nokia rings. "Damn, who's calling me so late! Lucky I'm not asleep!" she curses as she looks at the strange number on her mobile.

"Who is it?"

"Darling, it's me, James. Do you want to come around here for a drink? I've got red wine, white wine, whiskey, Jim Beam. I'd really like to see you."

"I'm going to sleep."

"Really, Lulu, please come! I like you. Do you know you're very beautiful? We'll have something to drink, put on some relaxing music, turn the lights down low, dance slowly, you'll find it very relaxing, and very romantic. Then we'll have a bubble bath. I'm good at massage, too. I can give you a full body massage. Then, I'll gently, patiently kiss you on the lips; kiss you all over your body…"

"Get out of here, you freak!" Lulu hangs up.

"Who does this guy think he is? Richard Gere or Pierce Brosnan or something? And with those fucking thick little glasses!" Lulu starts to swear again.

Before I can voice my opinion, my mobile rings to the tune of "Fur Elise."

"Niuniu, it's James. Sorry to be calling you so late. I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't know if we'll still have a chance to meet. You know, I like you. You're a sweet girl. You know that. I can't get you out of my mind. Let's have a drink, okay?"

"I only drink with Harvard men, not Yale men." I hang up.

CC's phone beeps.

"Beijing Hotel!" CC yells.

"Let's have some fun!" She picks up the phone. "Yes, I love men massaging me, and love even more a lover who can use his tongue. You sound amazing. But I can't go to your place. The twenty-four-hour security there is not very convenient. And you can never be sure they don't have hidden cameras!" CC strings James along, barely containing her laughter.

"Then what will we do? I want to hold your body right now."

"Well, why don't you come to my place? I'm home alone, my parents are away."

"Okay, I'll come over. What's your address?"

"Number Nine, Donghua Gate. The taxi driver will know it."

"Okay, see you soon."

"Okay, bye-bye, sweetie."

After CC has hung up, I ask, "What was that address?"

" Beijing Public Security Bureau."

SANLITUN: A district of Beijing that houses many foreign embassies; known for its night life and bars.

YAO TOU WAN: "Head-shaking tablets," better known as Ecstasy. Drug use is becoming increasingly popular and hard to control among Chinese youth.

Colorful Clouds came from the Guangxi countryside.

By sleeping with a guy from the city, she managed to leave her native village.

By marrying an American man forty years her senior, she managed to leave China.

By divorcing her husband and marrying his grandson, physicist Brian, she became an upper-middle-class American suburban housewife.

Forty-two-year-old Colorful Clouds, a has-been small-time actress, thinks her men have helped her successfully upgrade her race and status. Now is the time for her to return to China to show off. In Beijing, she finds every journalist she knows, including me, whom she met back in St. Louis. "You see, I'm an actress and a self-made Chinese-American success story who drives a Jaguar. My fellow Chinese should admire me!"

Inspired by the fact that the Oscar-winning film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon received only a lukewarm reception in China, I want to do a story on different perceptions of beauty. After I talk to my friend Yi, who is CEO at ChineseSister.com, she says to me, "Why don't we organize an online forum on East-West concepts of beauty on my Web site? You can do a story about it!"

Colorful Clouds hears the news about the forum and begs me to invite her as a special guest so that she can have her fifteen minutes of fame.

Special guests that day are Colorful Clouds; Ken, an executive at CC's firm Ed Consulting; a couple of foreign students; and a Chinese movie director. CC has told me that Ken is a Western expert at chasing Chinese women. Colorful Clouds is wearing a low-cut black velvet dress and a fake diamond necklace – and yellow high-heeled shoes that clash with the rest of her outfit.

She has brought a stack of photos of her house, her cars, her husband, and her beach house. This was the moment she had been waiting for: everybody in China would now admire her.

As soon as the forum starts, all of the questions from the people online are directed at Ken and the foreign students.

Purple Lemon: "Why is it that Westerners' Chinese wives are always considered ugly by Chinese people? Sometimes, there's a huge difference – the guy is tall, the woman is short. And why are the girls who hang out with foreigners always so wild?"

Ken and the foreign students look at each other dumbly, and finally a tall guy called Dennis replies:

"It's not that we Westerners can't tell the difference between ugly and beautiful Chinese people, but we pay more attention to personality. Some girls may not be attractive on the outside, but they are thoughtful and independent, and to me that is beautiful. As for the question of height, I don't think it's a problem. I know that you Chinese probably consider height important, because you are all generally short. But I don't care about a girl's height that much."

"Sometimes" – no one has spoken to Colorful Clouds, but she butts in anyway – "I think many Westerners like the feeling of a small woman, especially in moments of passion. They can wrap a small woman up in their arms; it's very masculine and dominating. Am I right?" Colorful Clouds glances hotly at the young foreign students and Ken.

They are a little embarrassed.

So-So: "Why do Westerners think Gong Li and Lucy Liu are so beautiful? Why don't we Chinese think so?"

Lily: "Especially Lucy Liu, she is very plain. We think Ning Jing and Zhao Wei are pretty. What do you think?"

Ken laughs. "Personally, Gong Li and Lucy Liu aren't my favorite stars. My favorite Chinese celebrity is Faye Wong. But I do think they all have some things in common: individuality, style, and they're good actresses, not just pretty to look at. I think Zhao Wei is quite cute. She's a comedy actress. I think she could be made up to look really sexy."

At that moment, Colorful Clouds interrupts again. "Let me say a few words since I used to live in Hollywood. Lucy Liu and Gong Li both have full lips. Full, large lips are very attractive to Western men, because they're very important when kissing or giving blow jobs. And what's more, their faces are very well defined, with high cheekbones. That is what Westerners like."