Colorful Clouds will not rest until she gets enough attention.

Foxy adds, "Chinese people like small, cherry mouths and homely beauty. And Westerners like a sexy, wild beauty."

"Why do Chinese like small, cherry mouths?" Dennis asks.

People on the Internet immediately post replies.

Snuff Bottle: "Smiling without showing your teeth is beautiful. If your mouth is extremely small, then when you smile, it's difficult for your teeth to show."

So-So: "A small mouth means that a woman doesn't talk too much. A quiet woman is a beautiful woman."

Colorful Clouds continues in an authoritative tone: "You're all missing the most important point, and that is the Freudian perspective on this question. A woman's mouth symbolizes a woman's genitals. The smaller her mouth, the smaller her genitals, and the more stimulation for men. This is what the Chinese man is after."

Oval Face: "I'd like to ask the French foreign student, Sophie, what kind of Asian men do you like?"

Sophie: "I like Jackie Chan's sense of humor and Bruce Lee's body. But if I were looking for a husband, I would probably go for Tony Leung. He's gentle, sophisticated, and handsome. In The Lover, his heavenly butt was unforgettable. I also like men who can cook."

A German student called Marcus says, "Can I ask the Chinese people, what kind of Westerners you think are good-looking?"

The people online leap in:

Bitter Cauliflower: "Ricky Martin."

Shortie: "James Bond."

China Ball: "Britney Spears."

Little Thing: "Catherine Zeta-Jones."

Lovely: "Richard Gere."

Yellow Chrysanthemum: "Audrey Hepburn."

Wolf-in-Sheep's-Clothing: "Sharon Stone."

Fleet-Foot: "Al Gore."

"What? You think even a geek like Gore is good-looking?" American student Sophie cries.

Fleet-Foot: "He looks scholarly, and he's better looking than

Bush."

"But Bush is affable, don't you think?" Sophie rebuts. "

Chinese people don't think Gong Li is sexy or beautiful? Is that because they're jealous?" Dennis asks.

Go-Go: "She looks too local!"

The Chinese director, who has not yet expressed an opinion, finally speaks: "Chinese people think that 'Western style' is attractive, and that 'local style' is unattractive. Why? 'Local style' is like ourselves. Why is being like ourselves considered unattractive? It shows that Chinese people do not have any self-confidence."

Last Samurai: "I agree. Ancient Chinese people had self-confidence, and their own sense of aesthetics. In the Tang dynasty, we liked full-figured women with short eyebrows. It was totally our own sense of beauty. In modern times, our aesthetics are all Western: long legs, tall, round eyes, double eyelids, high nose, white skin. Girls are having cosmetic surgery on their eyes, dying their hair blond – it's not natural at all. Why do they think their narrow eyes and short stature are ugly? We should create our own aesthetics."

The Chinese director nods. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Our ancestors actually had a strong sense of aesthetics. But unlike in the past, modern Chinese lack confidence."

New Shoes: "I'm proud that China 's ugly women can become beautiful women on the world stage! I applaud China 's dogs becoming Oriental sex goddesses overseas! I am happy that those undesirable Chinese women who can't find a boyfriend in China can be in high demand in the West."

The hour-and-a-half online forum ends. ChineseSister.com thanks the special guests and then hands out mugs, bags, and T-shirts.

Colorful Clouds is extremely pleased, and tells me, "I am a sex expert. The kids all worship me. Some had me sign their T-shirts as a souvenir. I really need people to worship me – it's such a wonderful feeling. Oh yeah, that Ken, he's a real lady-killer! If I had the time, I'd take him for a spin."

Colorful Clouds shows up unexpectedly as Lulu, Beibei, CC, and I are having a manicure in a beauty salon called the Rich Wife.

She greets Lulu, who she knows is a big-time editor at Women ' s Friends, a magazine with one million circulation. Today, Lulu wears low-rise jeans with a Bebe T-shirt. She is also sporting newly highlighted hair and red stilettos. Her face is both fair and full of color and energy.

"Niuniu says you can make any woman famous in China. You have to write about me in your magazine. I'm a miracle in the West," Colorful Clouds says vainly.

"Our fashion magazine mainly features models," Lulu says, hoping Colorful Clouds will take the hint.

"My husband looks like a model. Maybe you can publish his picture instead of mine. The headline can be 'How to Win the Heart of Prince Charming.' " Colorful Clouds turns to Beibei. "You should find investors to make a movie out of my story. My only request is that I will play myself and be provided with a caravan with a bathroom, the same as Gong Li gets. "

"Don't you know that nowadays in order to obtain fame, you have to make morality irrelevant?" Beibei asks Colorful Clouds.

"It has never been a problem for me," Colorful Clouds says with a wave of her hand.

"Many people use cheap ways to make up sensational stories in order to shock the audience or the readers. Can you do that?" Beibei asks again.

"My specialty." Colorful Clouds answers eagerly.

"But still, too many women come to me and tell their bad-girls stories in order to get famous. Is yours any different?" Beibei is still not impressed.

"I married my former husband's grandson. Who can compete with me?" Colorful Clouds proudly announces, welcoming all challengers.

"No one, I guess," Lulu and Beibei answer together.

Colorful Clouds was born in a small village in Guangxi province. She claims to be of Zhuang nationality, although some say that she is pure-blooded southern Chinese, and the only reason she calls herself a Zhuang is because nowadays being a minority is cooler than being a Han.

In the early 1980s, she was attending classes at the Guangxi Art Institute. Once, a director from the Guangxi Film Production Company came to see his daughter, her roommate. Colorful Clouds talked the director into getting her a small part in an avant-garde film. Then, she seduced the long-haired director, her roommate's father. They ran off to Beijing.

In Beijing, she met a local photographer and told him that she was a movie star in Thailand who had come to China to study Chinese. The man believed it and fell for her. She dumped the old director, whose Guangxi accent was considered low-class in the big city. Through her new boyfriend's connections, she started to mix with the foreign diplomatic crowd. After seeing the foreigners' lifestyle, Colorful Clouds decided she wanted to go overseas. Of course, her first choice was the United States.

But how? No diplomat wanted to marry her. To them she was nothing more than an opportunistic local, and beneath their notice.

Colorful Clouds met a seventy-year-old American man named David on the street. He happened to specialize in false marriages to foreign women. He had earned $50,000 by marrying two Guangdong women. He told Colorful Clouds she had two choices. She could have a false marriage: he wouldn't touch her, but she had to pay him $30,000 cash within three years. Or she could have a real marriage, and not refuse any of his sexual demands.

To a Chinese person, 30,000 RMB, let alone $30,000, was an astronomical figure. In those days people worshipped "multi-thousand-aires," and didn't even know that millionaires existed. Colorful Clouds agreed to a real marriage with David, and thus joined the throng of people leaving China in the 1980s.