I immediately scheduled a bikini wax with my aesthetician. When I got there I asked her if she could wax a special message for the doctor. Like, "What's up, Doc?" She said my vagina face wasn't big enough for so many words. I loved the term "vagina face" and couldn't wait to use it in a sentence.

We agreed on the basic Brazilian-right after I downed a Vicodin. I don't know who thought up waxing, but it was clearly the same person who invented Vicodin.

Finally, the Tuesday of my appointment rolled around. I decided on a business suit to give the illusion of being a professional. The thought that I would be lying there naked escaped me.

When I got to the office, I was nervous. What if he didn't like my vagina? What if I had some weird vagina that made him laugh? I usually wasn't this insecure, but I needed him to like me. I could not let Ivory down. Having someone depend on me really made me want to pull through. I filled out some paperwork and took a couple deep breaths.

When my name was called I went into the examining room and was given one of those cloth robes that doesn't close and has a bottom the size of a napkin, so if I was to sit up, my ass crack would be facing the door when Dr. Luke came in. This was not the first impression I wanted to make. I drew the robe shut and lay down.

Dr. Luke walked in. He was older, in his late thirties, and Ivory was right-very sexy. He reminded me of a friendly Richard Gere. Really warm. He flashed me a wide, genuine smile revealing a good bedside manner. I hoped this led to a good bedroom manner.

I liked him instantly. Ivory should be a matchmaker. I had my legs crossed and I was leaning up on my elbows. I looked like I was posing for Playboy.

"You are Miss…"

"You can call me Chesty-I mean Chelsea." I gave him my best smile. You would have thought we were at a picnic.

"Okay, Chelsea, you can call me Dr. Luke."

"Oh, thank you!" We both laughed. He was funny.

"And what seems to be the problem today?" he asked

"Oh, nothing in particular, just my annual Pap smear."

"It says on your chart here that your last Pap smear was two months ago."

"Really?" I asked. "That's weird, I could have sworn it's been a while."

"Well, your last doctor sent the test results over, and that's the date of the exam."

"He's actually not all there… mentally, if you catch my drift. That's why I'm here. I think his time as a doctor may be up."

"Oh, I see," said Dr. Luke. This was going badly. What was with the third degree?

"Well, let's get started," he said. "Why don't you lie back and relax. We'll just take a look and see if everything's in order."

I noticed pictures of him on sailboats all over his walls. "Are you a sailor?" I asked as he stuck something cold into my vagina.

"Yes, about every free chance I get."

"How weird," I said. "Me too!" If had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.

"Really?" he asked. "How often do you go out?"

"Every chance I get."

"Do you have your own boat?"

"Yes. It's being fixed, actually, just a little Boston whaler." It occured to me that a Boston whaler was not a sailboat. He asked what was wrong with it, and I panicked and said a flat.

"I mean… uh, not a flat, an oil leak," I said.

"Do you compete?" he asked me, as he peered up from in between my legs.

"Not really, but I love to watch. Sailing has always been my favorite thing to do."

I didn't even know what I was talking about. I wasn't sure if I was making any sense at all, and I needed to steer the conversation elsewhere, before he found out that the closest I'd ever come to sailing was going down the water slide at Great Adventure.

"There's a regatta in Catalina this weekend," he told me.

"Yes, I was supposed to go, but since my boat's in the shop, I think I'm gonna miss it. I was really looking forward to it."

"My partner and I are going." He didn't look at me when he said this. Was this an invitation?

"No kidding! Oh, I'm so jealous. It's gonna be such a blast."

"You know, you can take a boat over to Catalina from Long Beach," he informed me. That definitely didn't sound like an invitation.

"Oh, yes, I know," I said, "but it's just not the same."

"Well, everything looks okay down here. We should have the lab work back in a couple weeks, and we'll let you know if anything comes out irregular."

"It shouldn't. I haven't had sex in a while. Anyway, thanks again. I didn't feel a thing." I considered telling him that it was the best Pap smear I had ever had, but I didn't want to overdo it.

"Who were you planning on going over to Catalina with?" he asked as he was about to open the door to leave.

"Oh, a girlfriend of mine. We go all the time."

"Well, if you girls are in a bind, I'd be glad to give you a lift to the island. It's nothing too exciting, just me and Dr. Wheeler, but a patient in need…"

"Oh, I'd hate to impose," I said.

"Oh, please, you might be doing us a favor. It'll be nice to have someone aboard who knows how to sail instead of me. Dr. Wheeler isn't the most gifted seaman." I wasn't sure if I wanted to make this kind of commitment, but Dr. Luke was getting sexier and the thought of seeing him in a pair of shorts with his hair blowing in the wind made me shiver.

"That would be amazing," I said. "Do you really think it would be okay?"

"Sure. It will be fun to have some young company. I'll leave my number at the front for you. Call me this week and we'll set it up."

"That's so awesome of you! Thank you!"

I couldn't believe how nice this guy was. That was so easy. Except for the part about me sailing.

I also had to figure out which girlfriend of mine was deserving enough of a weekend trip to Catalina with a doctor. Ivory would be very jealous, but she would have to lie in the bed she made for me. I got Dr. Luke's number at the front desk and hurried outside to find the nearest bookstore. I needed to pick up a copy of Sailing for Dummies fast.

My phone rang while I was driving. It was my best friend from high school, Rory. She had gone to Penn after high school, gotten an undergrad degree in psychology, and then moved to L.A. to pursue a career in acting and had instead pursued one guy after another. "I need to get out of my date Friday with that loser anesthesiologist. I asked him if he would anesthetize me the other night, and he looked at me as if I asked him to fuck me in the eye. I can't bear another dinner with this guy."

"Just tell him you're going to Catalina for the weekend with your new gynecologist boyfriend."

"I wish," she said.

"No, really. We're going to Catalina this weekend with my new gyno and his partner."

"Are you being serious?" she asked.

"Yes. On a sailboat."

"I love you."

"Thank you. I didn't actually get a look at your guy, but he is a doctor."

"Do they have access to anesthesia?"

"One would assume."

"Please tell me these arrangements were made while he was giving you a breast exam."

"I can one up that."

"You make me so happy, I'll call you right back."

Rory and I met our studs at his boat slip in the marina. Dr. Wheeler's name was Matthew. He was no Dr. Luke, but he was cute in a darker, more mysterious way. Rory immediately thought Dr. Luke was for her but I told her to step off.

The boat was beautiful. It was huge and white with massive sails. I knew for sure I couldn't pretend to sail it. I had brought plenty of booze along to give myself a good excuse, but apparently I didn't have to worry because another couple had been invited and they were "avid sailors." Dr. Luke told me that if I wanted in on any of the action I was going to have to take a stand; his friends Lori and Glen were very controlling at the helm of a boat.