The saddest feature of homosexuality is not that it is "wrong" or "sinful" or even that it can't lead to progeny -- but that it is more difficult to reach through it this spiritual union. Not impossible -- but the cards are stacked against it.

But -- most sorrowfully -- many people never achieve spiritual sharing even with the help of male-female advantage; they are condemned to wander through life alone.

Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it.

Keep your children short on pocket money -- but long on hugs.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.

The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high status with safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other conman.

But it's lovely work if you can stomach it.

A whore should be judged by the same criteria as other professionals offering services for pay -- such as dentists, lawyers, hairdressers, physicians, plumbers, et cetera. Is she professionally competent? Does she give good measure? Is she honest with her clients?

It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers. And ENORMOUSLY higher than that of professors.

Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your effective lifetime -- and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows.

Have you noticed how much they look like orchids? Lovely!

Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields.

But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so.

Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.

Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.

Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that it.

"Go to HELL!" or other direct insult is all the answer a snoopy question rates.

The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none of my business but -- " is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.

A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she IS beautiful -- he just hadn't noticed at first.

A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank."

"All's fair in love and war" -- what a contemptible lie!

Beware of the "Black Swan" fallacy. Deductive logic is tautological; there is no way to get a new truth out of it and it manipulates false statements as readily as true ones. If you fail to remember this, it can trip you -- with perfect logic.

The designers of the earliest computers called this the "Gigo Law," that is, "Garbage in, garbage out."

Inductive logic is MUCH more difficult -- but can produce new truths.

A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality. Bastinado is about right. for exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an ant hill should be reserved for the very wittiest.

Natural laws have no pity.

On the planet Tranquille around KM849(G-O) lives a little animal known as a "knafn." It is herbivorous and has no natural enemies and is easily approached and may be petted -- sort of a six-legged puppy with scales. Stroking it is very pleasant; it wiggles its pleasure and broadcasts euphoria in some band that humans can detect. Its worth the trip.

Someday some bright boy will figure out how to record its broadcast, then some smart boy will see commercial angles -- and not long after that it will be regulated and taxed.

In the meantime I have faked the name and catalog number; it is several thousand light-years off in another direction.

Selfish of me --

Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.

Take care of the cojones and the frijoles will take care of themselves. Try to have get-away money -- but don't be fanatic about it.

If "everybody knows" such-and-such, then it ain't so, by at least ten thousand to one.

Political rags -- such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth -- are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from the highest motives, for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.

All cats are NOT grey after midnight. Endless variety --

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid.)

Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No resemblance --

It is impossible for a man to love his wife wholeheartedly without loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women.

You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.

Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Don't store garlic near other victuals.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be both. How? By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.

Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.