He pulled his jacket halfway onto his shoulders, then paused, looking at me. “Are you staying?” Something in his voice seemed…uncertain. Hesitant.

“I, um,” I said. “I didn’t really have a reason to, no.”

He continued the motion of putting on his jacket, but slower now. Deliberately so. Waiting.

I stood and picked up my own jacket. He waited while I put it on, then headed for the door, glancing back to see-maybe to make sure-if I was following.

Outside, he stopped. “Where are you parked?”

“Actually, I live about half a mile that way.” I gestured in the direction from which we’d come earlier.

“My car is a block or so that way.” He nodded in the same direction and started walking, and my feet accepted his implied invitation to walk with him.

We weren’t so far apart this time. Maybe half an arm’s length, if that. Still not close enough to touch, but the wall of ice had melted.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out his cigarettes, then hesitated. He glanced at the pack, and a moment later, it was back in his pocket.

“I don’t mind if you smoke,” I said.

“Nah, it’s not that,” he said. “I’m not a heavy smoker, honestly. I only need the nicotine when I’m nervous.” Again, he went for his pocket, but again his hand came away empty.

Conversation became steadily more awkward as we approached the second cross street where, I assumed, we’d be parting ways. He slowed his pace, as did I, and we walked like two people who wanted to draw this out even if we talked like two people who were too uncomfortable to stay another minute.

In spite of our best efforts, we eventually reached the cross street, and Nathan stopped.

“My car’s that way,” he said quietly, gesturing down the street. “I should probably let you go.”

I couldn’t think of any reason to keep him here. No reason that made sense, anyway. My attraction to him was probably just out of spite for whatever-his-name-was who I was with a lifetime ago.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about everything,” I said. “You know, with-” I paused. “Jake.” Right, that’s his name.

Nathan shrugged. “You didn’t know.” A cautious smirk tugged at his lips. “Sorry I fucked up your sure thing tonight.” We both laughed, but in the back of my mind, I wondered.

Did I dare? Hell, I had nothing to lose. Once we parted ways, we’d probably never see each other again.

Ignoring the fact that I had never, ever been this forward with someone in my life, I reached across the space between us and put my hand on his hip. “I don’t know, maybe you haven’t.”

His eyes darted to my hand, then to my face. The hand on his hip wanted to shake as I regretted making this move. He couldn’t possibly want me. Not after everything with Jake, after everything tonight, after-

He put his hands on my hips.

In unison, we both swallowed hard. Though our bodies were still the same distance apart, our arms now bridged that distance and seemed to diminish the gap between us. I couldn’t decide if he was too close or too far away.

His fingers hooked in my belt loops, and he pulled me to him. I slid my arms around his waist, as much for balance as closeness.

Our faces were inches apart now, close enough that I caught the all-too-familiar faint scent of cigarette smoke lingering under cologne. The faint scent of guilt. Of how we’d ended up here in the first place.

Like the end of a cigarette when a drag is taken, the dormant anger in my gut flared to life. That son of a bitch had played us both for idiots and screwed us both over.

Fuck you, Jake.

I pulled Nathan a little closer, catching my breath when his cock pressed against mine through our jeans. His lips thinned, some of the earlier anger returning to his expression, but his narrowed eyes still burned with arousal.

With lust.

With angry lust.

He tilted his head and leaned in a little more, his ragged breath warming my face, but he didn’t kiss me yet.

“Was this what you had in mind when you offered to buy me a beer?”

Yes, I just didn’t know it yet. I swallowed. “No.”

Laughing softly, he closed some of that minute remaining distance, but still he hesitated. Pulled back. He moved less than an inch or two away and it was entirely too far.

In a hoarse, growling whisper, he said, “I know I shouldn’t, but I really, really want to kiss you.”

I resisted the urge to moisten my lips. “I’m not pulling away.”

“I know,” he breathed, leaning in before drawing back again. “But if I do…”

Before I could stop myself, I moistened my lips, very nearly touching his in the process. He shivered, releasing a sharp breath.

When our eyes met, I understood.

Once we started, we weren’t stopping.

I took a breath. “My place isn’t far up the street.”

“I’ll drive.”

The short walk to his car and shorter drive to my apartment were silent except for my brief directions. It wasn’t the hostile or awkward silence from before. If anything, we were just subdued. Waiting. We both knew what this was about. We both knew what we wanted. There was nothing to discuss. If we did discuss it, there was a chance we’d figure out that we were doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Right or wrong, we were both angry and hurt, and if we could find a way to release that anger with each other, then so be it.

I surreptitiously glanced at Nathan. This situation must have cut him even deeper than it did me, so I could only imagine what went on in his mind right then. Jake, if you want to throw this away, you son of a bitch, I’ll be happy to pick it up for you, if only for tonight.

I had no illusions that this was anything more than a one night stand. It wasn’t even that: It was revenge sex. A fuck you to Jake, who’d probably already charmed his way into someone else’s bed by now anyway. Or maybe Nathan and I weren’t the only ones to begin with. Maybe in his little black book, under Nathan’s name and mine, was a Justin Case or two. If monogamy wasn’t his strong suit, I thought as we pulled into the parking lot, then why would he stop at two?

And why was I rationalizing this? I dug my keys out of my jacket pocket as we silently went from the car to my front door. We’re consenting adults. We’re using each other, but for the same thing. Who the fuck cares?

His hands slid over my hips as I unlocked the door. This is probably a bad idea. He pulled himself closer, his hard cock pressing against me. I’m going to regret this tomorrow. His soft goatee tickled my skin as he kissed the side of my neck. I don’t care.

Once we were inside, I turned the deadbolt and found Nathan’s hand in the darkness. He closed his fingers around mine and followed me down the hall, his steps tentative as he walked through dark, unfamiliar territory. Putting a light on would have made sense if not for the fact that the second I could see him, we were going down right then and there. Better to at least try to fall somewhere near the bed. So, the lights stayed off. I just hoped one of my cats wasn’t sprawled across the hallway.

They’ll move.

I flipped on the bedroom light and let him go in first. As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, the subdued silence was over.

He slammed me against the door, kissing me frantically as my hands tangled in his hair. His kiss was so demanding it was painful, and I returned it the exact same way. I was so hard it hurt, especially with his rock-hard cock pressing against-almost grinding against-my own.

With desperate, angry hands, we clawed at clothing, pulling apart buttons with no regard for the threads that held them. We probably ripped a few off in the process, and I was sure a seam or two tore, but I just didn’t give a damn.