When my shirt was open, he pulled me away from the door by my lapels. Together we stumbled toward the bed, kicking off shoes, forcing shirts off each other’s shoulders, struggling with belts.

As soon as we made it across the room, I grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him down to the bed with me. We were breathless, frantic, devouring each other, pulling each other closer even though we couldn’t get much closer.

“Tell me you have condoms,” he growled, kissing my neck and shoulder so hard I thought he was going to sink his teeth in.

Yes, because I was fully intending to fuck someone else tonight. Anger surged through me as I remembered why we were here, and it aroused me even more. Made me want him even more.

“There,” I said, gesturing in the general vicinity of the bedside table.

He muttered something like “thank God”, and pushed himself off me. As soon as we were apart, we both threw off the last of our clothes. He grabbed a condom out of the drawer and tore the wrapper almost completely in half with his teeth. Just before he rolled it on, though, he looked at me. Looked me up and down. Then, with a shaking hand, he set the partly wrapped condom on the table.

What are you doing? I wanted to scream but I couldn’t remember how. Fuck, what are you waiting for? Jesus, Nathan, just-

His fingers closed around my cock, making it impossible for me to breathe. After two or three slow strokes, he licked his lips and I damn near came just from anticipation.

Thankfully, I didn’t, because then I would have missed the relentless desperation of his mouth on my cock.

As soon as his tongue touched me, I sucked in a breath and my back lifted off the bed. One hand grabbed the bed to keep me there. The other grabbed his hair to keep him there.

“Fuck,” I groaned. “Fuck, don’t stop, please don’t stop…” He didn’t stop. The more I begged him not to stop, the faster he fucked me with his mouth, squeezing with lips and hand until the electric pulses running up my spine were too much, too damned much, and just when I thought my mouth might betray me and tell him it was too much, I came. He kept going, slower now, slowing with every stroke, until I shuddered one last time and relaxed.

His mouth was barely off my cock before he growled, “Get on your knees.” He reached for the condom and I sat up, pausing for a second to let the room stop spinning.

“Jesus,” I whispered. I glanced at him, and he winked, grinning at me as he rolled the condom on.

He paused. Looked around. “Lube?”

“Same drawer.”

As he reached for it, I shifted positions, hoping my arms and legs could even hold me up now. When his hands closed around my hips, my limbs threatened once more to collapse under me. I screwed my eyes shut and exhaled as cool lube against my skin sent a tremor up my spine.

“Fuck,” he breathed as his cock slid into me. His fingers dug painfully into my hips and he groaned. I guessed it took every bit of restraint he had to go slow, to make sure I was ready for him. He pulled out then pushed in, his breath coming in shorter, shallower gasps each time.

I knew what he was waiting for. Even through the haze of fury and lust, he needed my go ahead. A sign from me to let him know that he didn’t have to hold back anymore. Closing my eyes, I rocked back against him. Then again, harder this time.

His hands tightened around my hips, keeping me in place. At first, I thought he wanted to keep things slow, that he was enjoying this pace in spite of the desperation written all over his ragged breathing and trembling touch.

Then, with a moan that became a roar, he slammed his cock into me, driving himself as deep into me as he could. He held my hips still so he could control the speed, so that I could do nothing but take it exactly as he chose to give it.

A deep groan escaped his throat. Or maybe mine. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t know. I didn’t care.

His hands moved up my back, then gripped my shoulders, giving him extra leverage as he pounded me harder and harder. The bedspread bunched in my fists as my head fell forward and my eyes tried to roll back. I’d never been fucked like this. It was painful. It was furious. It was hot.

His hands left my shoulders. One came down beside me, supporting his weight over me, but the other grabbed my hair, and jerked my head back. It wasn’t enough to hurt my neck, but it made me gasp.

“Like that?” he growled in my ear. His tone was such a palpable mixture of rage and rampant lust, it probably would have made me come had I not already.

The hand in my hair tightened. “Do you like that?” he said again.

“Fuck, yes,” I moaned.

“I said-” The growl suddenly dropped to a moan. “Oh, fuck…” He pushed himself up, grabbing my hips again and thrusting harder. “Oh, fuck, I’m gonna come, oh, Jesus Christ…” A violent shudder abruptly halted his voice. He made no sound-no growl, no whimper, no breath-until his body collapsed over mine. He caught himself on trembling arms and finally managed a sigh.

We didn’t speak as he got up to get rid of the condom. Then we lay in silence, both staring up at the ceiling. Every inch of my body ached, and I was certain there would be a bruise or two to show for it in the morning, but I didn’t care. This was exactly what I needed. I smiled to myself.

Fuck you, Jake.

We’d barely caught our breath when Nathan sat up, inching toward the edge of the bed and away from me. He didn’t look at me as he ran a hand through his hair. The stiffness of his posture forbade me to touch him, the narrow gap between us forming an icy barricade that made me wonder if I’d imagined everything we’d just done together. If we’d ever really touched at all.

“I should probably go.” His voice was flat, devoid of anger or affection.

Disappointment knotted in my stomach alongside all the uncomfortable emotions that had started the moment we met. I knew from the beginning that this would end before it really started, but that didn’t make it any easier when it happened.

Wordlessly-as we’d done almost everything from the beginning-we got out of bed to get dressed. Nathan found his clothes between the bed and the door. I just grabbed a pair of boxers.

I flipped on the hall light and led him back into the living room. My cats glared at us from the sofa, eyeing Nathan as if to demand an explanation of this stranger on their turf, but he didn’t seem to notice them.

He cleared his throat. “Well, I…” He hesitated for a moment before finally looking me in the eye. “Sorry we had to meet the way we did.”

I shrugged. “Can’t be helped.”

“Yeah.” He paused, then nodded. “Yeah, I guess it can’t.”

We exchanged casual goodbyes, like two acquaintances parting ways after a five-minute conversation. When we reached the point at which a handshake was usually customary, we didn’t look at each other. Didn’t speak. Certainly didn’t extend a hand.

Then, without another word, he was gone.

The deadbolt issued a click of finality, announcing that the evening’s events had ended. He was gone. It was over. Everything was over.

Exhaustion caught up with me, and I leaned against the door. I sighed, trying to understand the confusing cacophony of thoughts that ran through my tired mind.

Jake was gone. Nathan had walked into-and out of-my life and I couldn’t decide whose departure was responsible for the heavy, sinking feeling in my gut.

I went into the living room and sat on the couch, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I’d fully expected a sleepless night, but this wasn’t what I had in mind. An all-nighter with Jake usually left me completely exhausted, but it was well worth it. Every time. Every damned time he made me feel things I’d never before imagined, and all the while, Nathan slept alone.