„Stop, Grace.“ He closed the door and moved back into the room. „You do not have to relive that life.“

She looked away from his sympathy. It was not what she wanted. „No, I will tell you. I suppose it is like reliving a battle you would as soon forget, but I owe you this much, so that you can understand.“

„Understand what? That you have lived through your own hell?“

„No, why I hired you. Why I never want to marry again. Why, until I met you, even the thought of a lover was distasteful.“

He came closer, and it made it more difficult to speak. She could feel his distress. His now mixed with hers.

„I knew what my duty was, and he was never cruel. But it was as though I was a broodmare and of no other value. There was not a person at Beauville that did not know and did not measure my worth by my failure. No matter that I visited the sick or learned the servants’ names. Because there was no heir I lost their respect.“

„Oh, David, I know how awful it can be, but now I see that there is a big difference between knowing and understanding. I am sorry, sorry from the deepest part of my heart.“ She wanted to turn away, to recoup some of her detachment, to, quite literally, put some distance between them, but she would not allow herself even that small comfort.

„He was a fool.“

„He was a man.“ No sooner had she spoken than she realized the insult. She opened her mouth to take the words back and realized David was smiling. He lowered his head and raised his hand to hide his amusement and took a long moment to recover himself. When he looked up all humor was gone, his expression loving and filled with anguish.

„Do not apologize, Grace.“ He came closer and took her hands, kissing each one as he had once before. „I want to thank you. You have given me so much. Much more than money. You have shown me that there is a place for me in a world without war. That what so many died for was worth preserving, even for a silly fop like Fetters, but especially for women like you, your aunt and the dozens of others I have met these last four months.“

„You make it sound as though I considered you some sort of charity. David, you are the best friend I have ever had. It was hardly a burden sharing the Season with you.“ Why did this sound like a farewell? Something in his expression, his tone, his words? All of them, she realized.

„There is one thing more we can share.“ He pulled her into his arms. He slipped her dress from her shoulder and pressed a kiss there. „And Grace, I have no desire for an heir. There is not money to leave one, after all, and my life is full enough without one.“

„I did not hire you to be my lover,“ she said.

He gave her a look that challenged her claim, and she let him slip the dress down farther.

„Though, David, I must admit that I lost sight of that the first time you kissed me.“

He kissed the spot that he had uncovered. „A dangerous admission, Grace.“

She smiled and bobbed her head.

„Very dangerous when you are mostly disrobed.“ He took her in his arms and kissed her lightly.

It was an invitation, and she accepted it. In moments she was dressed only in her chemise and stockings. She stayed his hand and played his valet, helping him out of his coat and then going to work on the buttons of his shirt.

He took her hands from his shirtfront. „Now is not the time to be a lady, my darling. This is not about a dozen fine buttons.“ He made quick work of the shirt, as she did her stockings.

She was sure she blushed when he drew the chemise over her head, but then it was about touching, feeling his skin against hers, his heart thundering, hers answering. There was nothing familiar about this. And Grace knew that love and lust made this as different from what she had known before as the difference between homespun and silk.

They were both experienced in the mechanics, but both novices when it came to love. It was exquisite and basic, torture and pleasure and finally release and a sunburst of pleasure that bound them, eclipsing all other experience.

She must have fallen asleep, though not for so long that she woke up disoriented. She knew exactly where she was and who she was with. She turned her head to look at him. He was deeply asleep, as though the act had exhausted him, exhausted more than his body. Her own felt well used, not hurt at all but as though she had not done this in a long time. One husband and one lover in fourteen years was hardly excess.

Lying next to him was as lovely as the pleasure he had shown her. Feeling safe, secure. And more than that. Feeling a oneness with him, as though the places where they touched now – along the leg, at the shoulder – made them one. Even with only his deep, exhausted breaths beside her, she felt the union.

David Lindsay was everything she could want in a lover. In a companion.

But perhaps not in a husband. Not that his poverty mattered. She was wealthy enough for two.

No, she would not marry him because once she did, he would be the one in charge. She would be the one who must make him happy, who must obey his wishes and subdue her own. She liked her life as it was. If there were a chance for children she might think differently, but she was realist enough to know that there was little hope of that. One husband was enough. A lifetime of lovers would be far more satisfying.

At this moment, though, she could not imagine that lifetime filled with anyone but him.

She smiled, and then her eyes filled with tears. Oh dear. She had not done this since childhood. Felt so much happiness that tears slid down her cheeks. This was different, completely different from heartbreak. This was the heart overflowing with joy.

When had those happy tears stopped? Sometime after her marriage. Never once had she felt this with her husband. But then they had never made love. Despite the fact David was being paid, this was a more personal, intimate act than she had ever shared with her husband. She edged closer to his side and touched her lips to his shoulder.

Lindsay opened his eyes, instantly alert.

„Is that something you learned in the army? To come awake so quickly?“

He did not answer her, but stared at her as if trying to absorb every detail of her beside him. The silence drew out and Grace’s own smile faded when he did not return it.

„This is the end, Grace.“

„What do you mean? Was it that awful? I thought you found as much fulfillment as I did.“ She knew she was blushing, and knew why. Being naked together had been perfect until he had spoken. Now it felt all wrong.

„It was…“ He bit off whatever he was going to say, and the tenderness that went with it. „It was very satisfying.“

‘„Very satisfying’?“ It might have moved her heaven and earth but his was still solidly in place. She made to turn away from him, angry and chagrined both.

He pulled her back to him and kissed her. „I lied. It was wonderful.“ He kissed her again, this time longer and with rising passion. „You are the answer to my dreams. You are everything a man could want. I could love you again now, tonight and for a hundred years and it would not be enough.“ He kissed her one more time, lightly, and even though it was a bare touch of the lips she felt it in the deepest part of her, which still echoed with pleasure. He pulled the coverlet over her and sat up on the edge of her bed. „But this is the end, my lady.“

He looked at her even as he pulled his clothes from the floor and began to dress. „You must know that I can no longer accept money from you, work for you – not when it comes to this.“

„To what?“ She did not mean to sound confused, but had he not just said that he wanted her?

„Do you now see that I am no better than a well-paid whore? Or perhaps a courtesan, as you once said.“