She was at a loss for words, her happy tears evaporating.

„It is more than my self-worth can tolerate. It would be different if I had sold my commission and could come to you with some money of my own. But that has not happened; God only knows if it ever will. It is one thing for society to think we are lovers – I have no control over what others think. But now it is the truth.“

„But it happens. We could name many couples so engaged.“

„But how many men are paid for their night’s work, Grace?“

She shook her head, knowing any answer would be the wrong one.

„Put yourself in my place. Tell me, how would you feel?“

She had deliberately avoided the thought.

„It is degrading. And I will have no more of it. I needed employment and so I accepted what you offered. But no need is worth this compromise of my honor.“

„Then we can go back to the way we were before. Friends.“

„Yes, I can see from your expression that you know as well as I do that is impossible.“ He came to her and pulled her from the bed and kissed her ruthlessly. The kiss trapped them both. She could feel his arousal and her own hunger. He stopped the kiss and pushed her away, none too gently. „This will always be there between us.“

He returned to his shirt buttons and then reached for his cravat.

„I will not let you go.“

He whirled back to her with his jacket in hand. „You have no choice in this. I am no longer your employee. You may command, but I am no longer compelled to obey.“ He had his jacket on, was across the room and out the door before she could think of any argument that might sway him.

She lay back down on a bed that was too big and cold without him, to a world that was made too small without him to laugh with. She moved over to feel the linen that still held his warmth, and the tears that trickled out of her eyes were not from an excess of happiness.

He had not been thinking with his brain but with his body, and, oh yes, his heart. No matter why he had made love to her, he could not go back. If he did he would have to live with the gradual destruction of his honor. And it was the only thing he had left. For she had surely taken all of his heart, and part of his soul.

The sounds of her pleasure, the look of complete surprise, had touched his heart as surely as it had aroused his body. Grace Anderson had never known the pleasure of sex before. Married for ten years and like a virgin for all that. And the pleasure had not been one-sided. Her wonder had made him feel powerful. She might have been the one paying for services, but he had been the one in command. He had shown her how fine it could be, and had proved the same to himself.

God help him, his heart ached as though he had taken a blow to the chest. His mind was a muddle of memories he wanted to relive and banish at the same time. If only he could sell his commission. It was the last bit of magic he would ever ask for.

Grace could not sleep. It was possible that she could never sleep in this bed again. She got up, found a robe and went to the window to draw the curtains, then began to pick up the clothes they had let fall. How she wished she could do this night over. This whole Season. How she wished she had never offered Lindsay employment.

She dropped her clothes on the chair in her dressing room and pulled out her oldest, most comfortable nightgown.

Would she have met him someplace else? Would he have asked her to dance? Could they have reached her bedroom some other way that would not have wounded him so?

She sank into the chair at her dressing table and pulled the last of the pins from her hair, combing it out as she had every night for at least fifteen years. The rhythmic strokes often allowed a contemplation where truth revealed itself. It did not fail her tonight.

She was in love with David Lindsay. Not the man who wore a uniform with pride and a medal as a tribute. Not the man who was always a gentleman. She was in love with the man who had shown her passion. Tonight had been the culmination, but there was more to the passion they shared than sex. He had made her laugh, encouraged her anger, made her feel in ways she’d thought long lost.

She turned from her seat to face the door, seeing him as he said her name that one last time, stone-faced and in control. She knew she would not see him again.

Something lying on the red carpet caught her eye. At the edge of the chair where David had carelessly tossed his uniform, she saw a coin. She bent to pick it up. Certainly it belonged to him, for it was not a coin she recognized. Something foreign, with English on one side.

It was hers now. One little bit of him to keep. She squeezed her eyes shut. Where had her pride gone? She was a mature woman, not greatly experienced, but one who knew the ways of the world.

Yes, she knew the ways of society, but she wanted so much more, had always wanted more. Oh how she wished that he could love her in return. She wished it as much as she wished for children.

Even as she thought how foolish it was to make wishes, when none had ever been granted, the coin warmed her hand. How odd, she thought. She studied it more carefully. It was bright and shiny, as though well cared for despite the slight dent, and she wondered if it was some kind of talisman for him.

Had it saved his life? Would David worry when he found it missing?

George would give it to him if she asked. Yes, that is what she would do. She could not trust herself to see him again and not beg for his attention. She owed his honor and her own better than that.

From her point of view love might make all things allowable, but for David Lindsay honor outweighed every other consideration. She would respect that. She would, even if it broke her heart.

He did not want to come back to the house on Norfolk Street, but it would have been insulting to ignore Car-dovan’s request. Coward that he was, Lindsay waited until he saw Grace and her aunt leave in the carriage, then trusted they would be gone long enough for him to complete his business with George and depart before they returned.

Petkin met him at the door with a smile. „Ah, Major, you have only just missed her ladyship. She and Mrs. Car-dovan have gone to the milliner’s.“

„Thank you, Petkin, but 1 am come to see Captain Car-dovan today.“

Petkin took his hat and gloves with an apology for the mistake and went off to see if the captain was available.

Cardovan came back with Petkin. Walking without his cane, looking amazingly fit. There was an air about him, a resolve that gave him the authority he had lost after the misfortune at Ostend.

„Major, come in. I did not expect you so quickly.“

Cardovan led him into the library, a room David would have as soon avoided. It reminded him too forcefully of Grace. If he was honest with himself, everything about the place reminded him of Grace, from the bright front door to the whimsical unicorn on the weather vane four floors above them. He should have suggested they meet elsewhere.

He was so lost in thought that he missed the first of Car-dovan’s words. But he could not help but be brought to the moment when Cardovan finished with „… that I might buy your commission.“

He must have looked as shocked as he felt, for Cardovan’s confidence faded. „It’s the real reason I was so pleased by the colonel’s visit. He came to see if I was ready to rejoin the regiment. He was actually the one who suggested I consider your commission. Can you believe that?“

Of course he could. But Cardovan gave him no time to comment.

„Even though I missed the whole of the Waterloo campaign, he still wants me with the 28th. He was afraid I was aiming for another regiment. He said that I am the captain he most wants to move up. He says he wants someone who is equal to the challenge of replacing you – not that I think I can.“ Cardovan reddened a little. „There are two captains senior to me; one is selling out and the other Wendle does not want as a major.“