‘May I also, sir, request a very small budget?’

‘Why?’

‘With all due respect to the exigencies of university finances,’ said Nutt, ‘Ibelieve it is very necessary.’

‘Why?’

‘I wish to take the team to the ballet.’

‘That’s ridiculous!’ Ponder snapped.

‘No, sir, it’s essential.’

The next day there was a piece in the Times about the mysterious disappearanceof the fabulous ‘Jewels’, which made Glenda smile. They just haven’t read theirfairy stories, she thought as she left the house. If you want to find a beauty,you look for her in the ashes. Because Glenda was Glenda and would alwaysirredeemably be Glenda to the core, she added: although the ovens in the NightKitchen are scrupulously maintained at all times and all ashes are immediatelydisposed of.

To her surprise, Juliet stepped out of her doorway at almost the same time andlooked as if she was almost awake. ‘Do you think they’ll let me in on thebanquet?’ she said as they waited for the bus.

Theoretically yes, Glenda thought, but probably no, because she was a NightKitchen girl. Even though she was Juliet, she would be tarred by Mrs Whitlow asa Night Kitchen girl. ‘Juliet, you shall go to the banquet,’ she said aloud,‘and so shall I.’

‘But I think Mrs Whitlow won’t like that,’ said Juliet.

Something was still bubbling inside Glenda. It had started in Shatta and lastedall day yesterday and there was still some left today. ‘I don’t care,’ shesaid.

Juliet giggled and looked around in case Mrs Whitlow was hiding near the busstop.

And I really don’t care, Glenda thought. I don’t care. It was like drawing asword.

Ponder’s office always puzzled Mustrum Ridcully. The man used filing cabinetsfor heavens’ sake. Ridcully worked on the basis that anything you couldn’tremember wasn’t important and had developed the floor-heap method of documentstorage to a fine art.

Ponder looked up. ‘Ah, good morning, Archchancellor.’

‘Just had a look in at the Hall,’ said Ridcully.

‘Yes, Archchancellor?’

‘Our lads were all doing ballet.’

‘Yes, Archchancellor.’

‘And there were some girls from the Opera House with those short dresses.’

‘Yes, Archchancellor. They’re helping the team.’

Ridcully leaned over and put huge knuckles either side of the paper Ponder wasworking on. ‘Why?’

‘Mister Nutt’s idea, Archchancellor. Apparently they must learn balance, poiseand elegance.’

‘Have you ever seen Bledlow Nobbs try to stand on one leg? Let me tell you,it’s an immediate cure for melancholy.’

‘I can imagine,’ said Ponder, not looking up.

‘I thought the idea was to learn how to kick the ball into the goal.’

‘Ah, yes, but Mister Nutt has a philosophy.’

‘Does he?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘They’re runnin’ about all over the place, I know that,’ said Ridcully.

‘Yes, Mister Nutt and Mister Likely are preparing a little something extra forthe banquet,’ said Ponder, getting up and opening the top drawer of a filingcabinet. The sight of filing cabinets opening tended to remind Ridcully that heshould be elsewhere, but on this occasion the ruse failed to work.

‘Oh, and I believe we have some fresh balls.’

‘Mister Snorrisson knows an opportunity when he sees one.’

‘So it’s all going well, then?’ said Ridcully, in a kind of mystified voice.

‘Apparently so, sir.’

‘Well, I suppose I’d better leave it alone,’ said Ridcully. He hesitated,feeling at a bit of a loose end, and found another thread to pull. ‘And how arethose rules coming along, Mister Stibbons?’

‘Oh, quite well, thank you, Archchancellor. I’m keeping in some of the onesfrom the street game, of course, to keep everybody happy. Some of them arequite strange.’

‘Mister Nutt is quite a decent chap, it appears.’

‘Oh yes, Archchancellor.’

‘Very good idea of his to redesign the goal, I thought. Makes it more fun.’

‘Aren’t you going to train, sir?’ said Ponder, pulling another document towardshim.

‘I am the captain! I do not need to train.’ Ridcully turned to leave andstopped with his hand on the doorknob. ‘Had a long chat with the former Deanlast night. Decent soul at heart, of course,’ he said.

‘Yes, I understand the atmosphere in the Uncommon Room was very convivial,Archchancellor,’ said Ponder. And expensive, he added to himself.

‘You know young Adrian Turnipseed is a professor?’

‘Oh, yes, Archchancellor.’

‘You wanna be one?’

‘Not really, Archchancellor. I think there should be one or two posts in thisinstitution that I don’t hold.’

‘Yes, but they’ve just called their machine Pex! Hardly a great leap ofingenuity, is it?’

‘Oh, there are some significant differences. I believe he’s using chickens togenerate the blit diametric,’ said Ponder.

‘Apparently so,’ said Ridcully. ‘Something like that, anyway.’

‘Hmmm,’ said Ponder. And it was quite a solid hmmm, possibly one you could moora small boat to.

‘Something wrong?’ said Ridcully.

‘Oh, er, not really, Archchancellor. Did the former Dean mention anything aboutthe need to totally rebuild the morphic resonator to allow for the necessarychanges in the blit/slood interface?’

‘Shouldn’t think so,’ said Ridcully.

‘Oh,’ said Ponder, his face blank. ‘Well, Adrian is bound to get round to that.He is very clever.’

‘Yes, but it was all based on your work. You built Hex. And now they’re puttingout that he’s some big clever clogs. He’s even on a cigarette card.’

‘That’s nice, sir. It’s good when researchers get recognition.’

Ridcully felt like a mosquito that was trying to sting a steel breastplate.‘Hah, wizardry has certainly changed since my day,’ he said.

‘Yes, sir,’ said Ponder noncommittally.

‘And by the way, Mister Stibbons,’ said Ridcully as he opened the door, ‘my dayisn’t over yet.’

There was a yell in the distance. And then a crash. Ridcully smiled. The dayhad suddenly brightened up.

When he and Ponder reached the Great Hall, most of the team were gatheredaround one of their members lying on the floor, with Nutt kneeling over him.

‘What’s happened here?’ Ridcully demanded.

‘Badly bruised, sir. I shall put a compress on it.’

‘Ah.’ His gaze fell upon a large, brass-bound chest. It looked at first sightlike any other chest, until you saw the tiny little toes poking out.

‘Rincewind’s luggage,’ he growled. ‘And where that is, Rincewind can’t be farin front. Rincewind!’

‘Actually, it wasn’t my fault,’ said Rincewind.

‘He’s right, sir,’ said Nutt. ‘I have to apologize for the fact that this was agroup misapprehension. I understand it is a remarkably magical chest onhundreds of little legs and I am afraid that the gentlemen here believed thatit would play football like stink, as they put it. In which surmise, I have tosay, they were proved wrong.’

‘I tried to tell them,’ said the former Dean from the edge of the crowd.‘Morning, Mustrum. Good team you have here.’

‘All its feet do is get in each other’s way,’ said Bengo Macarona. ‘And if itdoes get on top of the ball, it spins out of control and, alas, it crashed intoMister Sopworthy here.’

‘Oh, well, we learn by our mistakes,’ said Ridcully. ‘And now, do you happen tohave something nice to show me?’

‘I think I have the very thing, Archchancellor,’ said a cheerful but reedyvoice behind him.

Ridcully turned and looked into the face of a man with the shape and urgency ofa piccolo. He seemed to be vibrating on the spot.

‘Professor Ritornello, Master of the Music,’ Ponder whispered into Ridcully’sear.

‘Ah, Professor,’ said Ridcully smoothly, ‘and I see you have the choir withyou.’

‘Yes indeed, Archchancellor, and I must tell you, I am thrilled and filled withinner light by what I have witnessed this morning! Without ado, I have penned achant, such as you asked for!’