‘Okay, right, if you are an orc, right, then why are you not tearing my headoff?’ said Bledlow Nobbs (no relation).

‘Would you like me to?’ said Nutt.

‘Well, as it happens, no!’

‘Who cares?’ said Trev. ‘It’s all ancient history anyway. These days you seevampires hangin’ around all over the place. An’ we’ve got trolls and golems andzombies and all kinds of people just graftin’ away. Who cares what ’appened’undreds of years ago?’

‘Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute,’ said the butler. ‘He’s not tearing yourhead off ’cos he’s chained down.’

‘So, why did you get us to chain you down?’ said Glenda.

‘So I wouldn’t tear off anybody’s head. I suspected the truth, although Ididn’t know what it was that I suspected. At least, I think it works likethat.’

‘So that means you can’t escape and tear us all limb from limb,’ said BledlowNobbs (no relation). ‘No offence meant, but does this mean you won’t betraining us?’

‘I am sorry,’ said Nutt, ‘but as you can see, I’m rather inconvenienced.’

‘Have you all gone loony?’ Astonishingly, this came from Juliet, standing inthe corridor. ‘He’s Nutt. He potters around making candles and stuff. I see ’imaround all the time and ’e’s never ’olding someone else’s leg or head. And ’elikes his football, too!’

Glenda thought she could actually hear Trev’s heartbeat. She hurried over tothe girl. ‘I told you to go,’ she hissed.

‘I’ve come back to tell Trev about everythin’. After all, he did write such alovely poem.’

‘She’s got a point,’ said a man in a butcher’s apron. ‘I’ve seen him runningaround everywhere and I’ve never seen him carrying any limbs.’

‘That’s true,’ said the baker. ‘And anyway, didn’t he do all those lovelycandles at the banquet last night? That doesn’t sound very orc-like to me.’

‘And,’ said Bledlow Nobbs (no relation), ‘he was training us yesterday and henever once said, “Get in there, lads, and tear their ’eads off”.’

‘Oh, yes,’ said the butler, who was making no friends as far as Glenda wasconcerned. ‘Humans don’t tear off heads, not like orcs.’

An ‘Awk! Awk!’ echoed in the distance.

‘He’s been teaching us kinds of stuff you’d never think about,’ said thebledlow, ‘like playing the game with a blindfold on. Amazing stuff. More likefilosopy than football, but damn good stuff.’

‘Tactical thinking and combat analysis is part of the orc make-up,’ said Nutt.

‘See! No one who uses make-up is going to tear your head off, right?’

‘Didn’t you meet my ex-wife?’ said the baker.

‘Well, I’d draw the line if you wore make-up,’ said the butcher to generalamusement. ‘Being an orc is one thing, but we don’t want a funny one.’

Glenda looked down at Nutt. He was crying.

‘My friends, I thank you for your trust in me,’ he said.

‘Well, you know, you’re like part of the team,’ said Bledlow Nobbs (norelation), whose smile almost managed to conceal his nervousness.

‘Thank you, Mister Nobbs, that means a lot to me,’ said Nutt, standing up.

That was quite a complex movement.

It stayed in Glenda’s mind for ever afterwards as a kind of slow-motion sceneof bursting chains and cracking wood when Nutt stood up as though he had beenrestrained by cobwebs. Pieces of chain spun off and hit the wall. Padlocksbroke. As for the couch, barely one piece remained attached to another. Itdropped to the floor as so much firewood.

‘RUN FOR IT, LADS!’

You would have needed some kind of special micrometer to work out which mansaid it first, but the stampede along the corridor was swift and over veryquickly.

‘You know,’ said Trev, after a few moments’ silence, ‘at one point I thoughtthis was all goin’ very well.’

‘Those women,’ said Glenda, ‘what were they?’

Nutt stood forlornly in the wreckage; a length of chain slithered off him likea serpent and landed on the flagstones. ‘Them?’ he said. ‘They are the LittleSisters of Perpetual Velocity. They come from Ephebe. I think the name fortheir species is Furies. I think Ladyship sent them in case I tried to hurtanybody.’ The words came out without emphasis or emotion.

‘But you haven’t hurt anyone,’ said Glenda.

‘But they ran away,’ said Nutt, ‘because of what I am.’

‘Well, you know, they’re ordinary people,’ said Glenda. ‘They’re—’

‘Twits,’ said Trev.

Nutt turned and walked down the opposite corridor, kicking off the remnants ofwood and chain. ‘But the world is full of ordinary people.’

‘You can’t just let ’im go like that,’ said Juliet. ‘You just can’t. Look at’im! ’e looks like ’e’s been kicked.’

‘I’m ’is boss, that’s my job,’ said Trev.

Glenda caught Trev by the arm. ‘No, I’ll sort this out. Now, you listen to me,Trev Likely, under all that gab, you’re a decent sort, so I’ll tell you this:see Juliet over there? You know her, she works in the kitchens. You wrote hera lovely poem, didn’t you? Ever heard of Emberella? Everyone’s heard ofEmberella. Well, you might not be my first choice for Prince Charming, butthere’s probably plenty worse.’

‘What the hell are you talkin’ about?’ said Trev.

‘Juliet’s going to be leaving soon, isn’t that right, Jools?’

Juliet’s face was a picture. ‘Well, er—’

‘And that’s because she’s been that girl in the papers.’

‘What, the shiny dwarf one? With a beard?’

‘That’s her!’ said Glenda. ‘She’s going to go off with the circus, well, youknow what I mean. With the fashion show, at least.’

‘But she hasn’t got a beard,’ said Trev.

Blushing, Juliet delved into her apron and to Glenda’s surprise produced thebeard. ‘They let me keep it,’ she said, with a nervous giggle.

‘Right,’ said Glenda. ‘You say you love him. Trev, I don’t know whether youlove her or not, time to make up your mind. You’re both grown up, well,strictly speaking, and so you better sort yourselves out, ’cos I don’t see anyfairy godmothers around. As for Mister Nutt, he hasn’t got anyone.’

‘She’s gonna leave the city?’ said Trev, realization dawning slowly through amale mind.

‘Oh, yes. For quite a long time, I suspect,’ said Glenda.

She watched his face carefully. You haven’t got much learning and you haven’topened a book in your life, Trevor Likely, but you are smart and you must knowthere is a wrong way and a right way to reply to what I have just told you.

She watched the high-speed changes around his eyes as he thought, and then hesaid, ‘Well, that’s nice. It’s the kind of thing she’s always dreamed of. I’mvery happy for her.’

You cunning bastard, you actually got it right, Glenda thought. You’re notappearing to be thinking about yourself at all, ’cos you know I’d have no timefor you if you were. And who knows, you might just be genuine. In fact, heavenshelp me, I think you are, but I’d pull all my own teeth out rather than tellyou.

‘She likes you, you like her and I’ve made a lot of silly mistakes. The two ofyou, sort out what you want to do. And now, if I were you I’d run, beforeanyone else beats you to it. And can I offer you a word of advice, Trev? Don’tbe smart, be clever.’

Trev took Glenda by the shoulders and kissed her on both cheeks. ‘Was thatsmart or clever?’

‘Get away with you, Trev Likely!’ she said, pushing him away, in the hope thathe wouldn’t notice her blush. ‘And now I’m going to see where Mister Nutt hasgone.’

‘I know where he’s gone,’ said Trev.

‘I thought I just told you two to go off and live happily ever after,’ saidGlenda.

‘You won’t find ’im without me,’ said Trev. ‘I’m sorry, Glenda, but we like himtoo.’

‘Do you think we should tell somebody?’ said Juliet.

‘And what will they do?’ Glenda snapped. ‘It’ll just be like that lot backthere. All hanging around in the hope that somebody will come up with an idea.Anyway,’ she added, ‘I’m sure the wizards upstairs know all about him. Oh yes,I bet they do.’