“I’m going to take you now. You can come,” he murmurs.

What? Like I have a choice.

And he’s inside me, quickly filling me, I moan loudly. He moves, pounding into me, a

fast, intense pace against my sore behind. The feeling is beyond exquisite, raw and debas-

ing and mind blowing. My senses are ravaged, disconnected, solely concentrating on what

he’s doing to me. How he’s making me feel, that familiar pull deep in my belly, tightening,

quickening. NO… and my traitorous body explodes in an intense, body-shattering orgasm.

“Oh, Ana!” he cries out loudly as he finds his release, holding me in place as he pours

himself into me. He collapses, panting hard beside me, and he pulls me on top of him and

buries his face in my hair, holding me close.

“Oh, baby,” he breathes. “Welcome to my world.”

We lie there, panting together, waiting for our breathing to slow. He gently strokes my

hair. I’m on his chest again. But this time, I don’t have the strength to lift my hand and

feel him. Boy… I survived.That wasn’t so bad. I’m more stoic than I thought. My inner

goddess is prostrate… well at least she’s quiet. Christian nuzzles my hair again, inhaling

deeply.

“Well done, baby,” he whispers, quiet joy in his voice. His words curl around me like

a soft fluffy towel from the Heathman Hotel, and I’m so pleased that he’s happy.

He picks at the strap on my camisole.

“Is this what you sleep in?” he asks gently.

“Yes,” I breathe sleepily.

“You should be in silks and satins, you beautiful girl. I’ll take you shopping.”

“I like my sweats,” I murmur, trying and failing to sound irritated.

He kisses my head again.

“We’ll see,” he says.

We lie for a few more minutes, hours, who knows, and I think I doze.

“I have to go,” he says, and leaning down, he kisses my forehead gently. “Are you

okay?” His voice is soft.

I think about his question. My backside is sore. Well, glowing now, and amazingly

I feel, apart from exhausted, radiant. The realization is humbling, unexpected. I don’t

understand. Holy shit.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. I don’t want to say more than that.

He rises.

“Where’s your bathroom?”

“Along the corridor to the left.”

He scoops up the other condom and heads out of the bedroom. I rise stiffly and put my

sweatpants back on. They chafe a little against my still-smarting behind. I’m so confused

by my reaction. I remember him saying – I can’t remember when – that I would feel so

much better after a good hiding. How can that be so?I really don’t get it. But strangely,

I do. I can’t say that I enjoyed the experience, in fact, I would still go a long way to avoid

it, but now… I have this safe, weird, bathed in afterglow, sated feeling. I put my head in

my hands. I just don’t understand.

Christian re-enters the room. I can’t look him in the eye. I stare down at my hands.

“I found some baby oil. Let me rub it into your behind.”

What?

“No. I’ll be fine.”

“Anastasia,” he warns, and I want to roll my eyes but quickly stop myself. I stand fac-

ing the bed. Sitting beside me, he gently pulls my sweatpants down again. Up and down

like whores’ drawersmy subconscious remarks bitterly. In my head, I tell her where to go.

Christian squirts baby oil into his hand and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness

– from makeup remover to smoothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it

was such a versatile liquid.

“I like my hands on you,” he murmurs, and I have to agree, me too.

“There,” he says when he’s finished, and he pulls my pants up again.

I glance over at my clock. It’s ten-thirty.

“I’m leaving now.”

“I’ll see you out.” I still can’t look at him.

Taking my hand, he leads me to the front door. Fortunately, Kate is still not home. She

must still be having dinner with her folks and Ethan. I’m really glad she’s not been around

to hear my chastisement.

“Don’t you have to call Taylor?” I ask, avoiding eye contact.

“Taylor’s been here since nine. Look at me,” he breathes.

I struggle to meet his eyes, but when I do, he’s gazing down at me with wonder.

“You didn’t cry,” he murmurs, then grabs me suddenly and kisses me fervently. “Sun-

day,” he whispers against my lips, and it’s both a promise and a threat.

I watch him walk down the path and climb into the big black Audi. He doesn’t look

back. I close the door and stand helpless in the living room of an apartment that I shall

only spend another two nights in. A place I have lived happily for almost four years… yet

today, for the first time ever, I feel lonely and uncomfortable here, unhappy with my own

company. Have I strayed so far from who I am? I know that lurking, not very far under

my rather numb exterior, is a well of tears. What am I doing? The irony is I can’t even sit

down and enjoy a good cry. I’ll have to stand. I know it’s late, but I decide to call my mom.

“Honey, how are you? How was graduation?” she enthuses down the phone. Her

voice is a soothing balm.

“Sorry it’s so late,” I whisper.

She pauses.

“Ana? What’s wrong?” She’s all seriousness now.

“Nothing, Mom, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

She’s silent for a moment.

“Ana, what is it? Please tell me.” Her voice is soft and comforting, and I know that she

cares. Uninvited, my tears begin to flow. I have cried so often in the last few days.

“Please, Ana,” she says, and her anguish reflects mine.

“Oh, Mom, it’s a man.”

“What’s he done to you?” Her alarm is palpable.

“It’s not like that.” Although it is… Oh crap. I don’t want to worry her. I just want

someone else to be strong for me at the moment.

“Ana, please, you’re worrying me.”

I take a big breath.

“I’ve kind of fallen for this guy, and he’s so different from me, and I don’t know if we

should be together.”

“Oh, darling. I wish I could be with you. I am so sorry I missed your graduation.

You’ve fallen for someone, finally. Oh, honey, men, they are so tricky. They’re a different

species, honey. How long have you known him?”

Christian is definitely a different species… different planet.

“Oh, nearly three weeks or so.”

“Ana, darling, that’s no time at all. How can you possibly know someone in that kind

of time frame? Just take it easy with him and keep him at arm’s length until you decide

whether he’s worthy of you.”

Wow… it’s unnerving when my mother is so insightful, but she’s just too late on this.

Is he worthyof me? That’s an interesting concept. I always wonder whether I am worthy

of him.

“Honey, you sound so unhappy. Come home – visit with us. I miss you, darling. Bob

would love to see you too. You can get some distance and maybe some perspective. You

need a break. You’ve been working so hard.”

Oh boy, is this tempting. Run away to Georgia. Grab some sunshine, some cocktails.

My mother’s good humor… her loving arms.

“I have two job interviews in Seattle on Monday.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful news.”

The door opens and Kate appears, grinning at me. Her face falls when she sees I’ve

been crying.

“Mom, I have to go. I’ll think about a visit. Thank you.”

“Honey, please, don’t let a man get under your skin. You’re far too young. Go and

enjoy yourself.”

“Yes, Mom, love you.”

“Oh, Ana, I love you too, so much. Stay safe, honey.” I hang up and face Kate who

glares at me.

“Has that obscenely rich fucker upset you again?”

“No… sort of… err… yes.”

“Just tell him to take a hike, Ana. You’ve been so up and down since you met him.