I’ve never seen you like this.”

The world of Katherine Kavanagh is very clear, very black and white. Not the intan-

gible, mysterious, vague hues of gray that color my world . Welcome to my world.

“Sit, let’s talk. Let’s have some wine. Oh, you’ve had champagne.” She spies the

bottle. “Some good stuff too.”

I smile ineffectually, looking apprehensively at the couch. I approach it with caution.

Hmm… sitting.

“Are you okay?”

“I fell over and landed on my behind.”

She doesn’t think to question my explanation, because I am one of the most un-coor-

dinated people in Washington State. I never thought I’d see that as a blessing. I sit down

gingerly, pleasantly surprised that I’m okay, and turn my attention to Kate, but my mind

glazes over and I’m pulled back to the Heathman – “Well, if you were mine you wouldn’t

be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday.”He said it then, and all

I could concentrate on at the time was being his. All the warning signs were there, I was

just too clueless and too enamored to notice.

Kate comes back into the living area with a bottle of red wine and washed teacups.

“Here we go.” She hands me a cup of wine. It won’t taste as good as the Bolly.

“Ana, if he’s a jerk with commitment issues, dump him. Though I don’t really under-

stand his commitment issues. He couldn’t take his eyes off you in the marquee, watched

you like a hawk. I’d say he was completely smitten, but maybe he has a funny way of

showing it.”

Smitten? Christian? Funny way of showing it?I’ll say.

“Kate, it’s complicated. How was your evening?” I ask.

I can’t talk this through with Kate without revealing too much, but one question on her

day and Kate is off. It’s so reassuring to sit and listen to her normal chatter. The hot news

is that Ethan may be coming to live with us after their holiday. That will be fun – Ethan

is a hoot. I frown. I don’t think Christian will approve. Well… tough.He’ll just have to

suck it up. I have a couple of teacups of wine and decide to call it a night. It’s been one

very long day. Kate hugs me, and then grabs the phone to call Elliot.

I check the mean machine after I brush my teeth. There’s an email from Christian.

From:Christian Grey

Subject:You

Date:May 26 2011 23:14

To:Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele

You are quite simply exquisite. The most beautiful, intelligent, witty and brave woman

I have ever met. Take some Advil – this is not a request. And don’t drive your Beetle

again. I will know.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Oh, not drive my car again! I type out my reply.

From:Anastasia Steele

Subject:Flattery

Date:May 26 2011 23:20

To:Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

Flattery will get you nowhere, but since you’ve been everywhere the point is moot.

I will need to drive my Beetle to a garage so I can sell it – so will not graciously accept

any of your nonsense over that. Red wine is always more preferable to Advil.

Ana

PS: Caning is a HARD limit for me.

I hit send.

From:Christian Grey

Subject:Frustrating women who can’t take compliments

Date:May 26 2011 23:26

To:Anastasia Steele

Dear Ms. Steele

I am not flattering you. You should go to bed.

I accept your addition to the hard limits.

Don’t drink too much.

Taylor will dispose of your car and get a good price for it too.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From:Anastasia Steele

Subject:Taylor – Is he the right man for the job?

Date:May 26 2011 23:40

To:Christian Grey

Dear Sir

I am intrigued that you are happy to risk letting your right hand man drive my car – but not

some woman you fuck occasionally. How can I be sure that Taylor is the man to get me

the best deal for said car? I have, in the past, probably before I met you, been known to

drive a hard bargain.

Ana

From:Christian Grey

Subject:Careful!

Date:May 26 2011 23:44

To:Anastasia Steele

Dear Ms. Steele

I am assuming it is the RED WINE talking, and that you’ve had a very long day.

Though I am tempted to drive back over there to ensure that you don’t sit down for a

week, rather than an evening.

Taylor is ex-army and capable of driving anything from a motorcycle to a Sherman Tank.

Your car does not present a hazard to him.

Now please do not refer to yourself as ‘some woman I fuck occasionally’ because, quite

frankly it makes me MAD, and you really wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From:Anastasia Steele

Subject:Careful yourself

Date:May 26 2011 23:57

To:Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

I’m not sure I like you anyway, especially at the moment.

Ms. Steele

From:Christian Grey

Subject:Careful yourself

Date:May 27 2011 00:03

To:Anastasia Steele

Why don’t you like me?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From:Anastasia Steele

Subject:Careful yourself

Date:May 27 2011 00:09

To:Christian Grey

Because you never stay with me.

There, that’s given him something to think about. I shut the machine down with a flourish

I don’t really feel and crawl into my bed. I switch off my sidelight and stare up at the ceil-

ing. It’s been one long day, one emotional wrench after another. It was heartwarming to

spend some time with Ray. He looked well, and weirdly he approved of Christian. Jeez,

Kate and her gargantuan mouth. Hearing Christian speak about being hungry. What the

hell is that all about? God, and the car. I haven’t even told Kate about the new car. What

was Christian thinking?

And then this evening, he actually hit me. I’ve never been hit in my life. What have

I gotten myself into? Very slowly, my tears, halted by Kate’s arrival, begin to slide down

the side of my face and into my ears. I have fallen for someone who’s so emotionally shut

down, I will only get hurt – deep down I know this – someone who by his own admission

is completely fucked up. Whyis he so fucked up? It must be awful to be as affected as

he is, and the thought that as a toddler he suffered some unbearable cruelty makes me cry

harder. Perhaps if he was more normal he wouldn’t want you,my subconscious contributes

snidely to my musings… and in my heart of hearts I know this is true. I turn into my pil-

low and the sluice gates open… and for the first time in years, I am sobbing uncontrollably

into my pillow.

I am momentarily distracted from my dark night of the soul by Kate shouting.