“How?” Monkey asked.

“At first he was a plump, dark chap, but later on he became a long-nosed, big-eared idiot with thick black hairs running down from the back of his head and a great, thick body. His face is just like a pig's. His appetite is enormous, too. He needs several bushels of grain at every main meal, and over a hundred griddle-cakes for breakfast. Luckily he is a vegetarian. If he ate meat and wine he would have ruined us in six months.”

“He has to eat so much because he works so hard,” Sanzang commented.

“But that's not the main thing.” Squire Gao continued. “He can also summon up a wind, make clouds and mist come and go, and send pebbles and sand flying. He's terrified our neighbors, who don't feel safe living here any longer! He's shut my daughter away in the building at the back, and nobody's seen her for six months. We don't even know if she's still alive. That is how we know he's an evil monster, and why we want a priest to come and get rid of him.”

“No difficulty there,” Monkey replied. “Don't worry, old chap, I guarantee that I'll get him tonight, make him write out a document divorcing your daughter, and bring her back to you. What do you say to that?”

“Because I thought there'd be no harm in offering him my daughter, I've ruined my reputation and estranged all my relations,” Squire Gao replied. “If you can catch him, why bother with a divorce document? Wipe him out for me, if you please.”

“Easy, easy,” said Monkey. “I'll get him tonight.”

The old man was delighted. He had a table and chairs set out and wiped clean, and a vegetarian meal brought in. When the meal was over and he was about to go to bed, the old man asked, “What weapons and how many men will you need? I'll get everything ready in good time.”

“I have a weapon,” Monkey replied.

“You two gentlemen only have your monastic staves-how will you be able to kill the fiend with them?” the old man asked. Monkey produced the embroidery needle from his ear, held it between his fingers, and shook it in the wind. It turned into the gold-banded cudgel as thick as a rice-bowl. Monkey turned to Squire Gao and asked, “How does this cudgel compare with the weapons you have in here? Will it do to kill the monster?”

“So you have the weapon,” the old man went on, “but what about the men?”

“I can do it single-handed.” Monkey replied, “though I would like a few respectable old gentlemen to come in and keep my master company while I'm away from him. When I've captured the monster they can witness his confession before I wipe him out for you.” The old man thereupon sent his servants to ask a few old friends over, and before long they had all arrived. When the introductions were over Monkey said, “Master, you sit here and don't worry. I'm off.”

Just watch Monkey as with his cudgel in his hand he takes hold of the old man and says, “Take me to the building at the back. I want to see where this evil spirit lives.” Squire Gao led him to the door of the back building, and Monkey told him to bring the key at once. “Look here,” the old man answered, “if a key would have done the trick, I wouldn't have had to ask for your services.”

“Can't you tell at your age when someone's joking?” Monkey asked. “I was only teasing. You shouldn't have taken me seriously.” He felt the lock and found that molten copper had been poured into it, so he struck it a vicious blow with his cudgel and shattered it. Pushing the doors open, he saw that it was pitch-black inside. “Call your daughter's name, Old Gao, to see whether she's in here,” he said.

The old man summoned up his courage and called her name, and the daughter, recognizing her father's voice, answered feebly, “Dad, I'm in here.” With a roll of his golden pupils Monkey peered into the darkness to take a closer look at her. Do you know what she was like?

Her cloudy hair was tangled and unkempt,

Her face was filthy and unwashed.

Her orchid heart was as pure as ever,

But her beauty lay in ruins.

There was no blood or life in her cherry lips,

And her limbs were crooked and bent.

A sad frown on her forehead,

Her eyebrows pale;

Weak and frightened,

Only daring to whisper.

When she came out and saw her father, she grabbed hold of him, put her hand round his head, and wept. “Don't cry,” Monkey said, “don't cry. Where has the monster gone?”

“I don't know. These days he's been setting out at dawn and only coming back in the middle of the night. There's always so much cloud and mist that I can't tell where he goes. He knows that my father wants to exorcise him, so he's always on the alert. That's why he comes back late and leaves at dawn.”

“Of course he would,” Monkey remarked, adding, “old fellow, take the girl to the front building. You two can have a good long talk; I'm going to wait for the monster here. Don't be surprised if he doesn't turn up; but if he does, I'll wipe him out for you.” The old man happily took his daughter to the front building.

Monkey then used some of his magic powers to turn himself into the likeness of the girl with a shake of his body. Then he sat down in the room to wait for the evil spirit. Before long there was a marvellous wind that sent stones and dust flying:

At first it was a gentle breeze,

That gradually became a tremendous gale.

When it was a gentle breeze, it filled Heaven and Earth;

When it grew, nothing could withstand it.

It stripped off flowers and snapped willows like stalks of hemp,

Uprooting forests as if it were picking vegetables.

It threw rivers and seas into turmoil, to the fury of gods and devils,

Splitting rocks and mountains as Heaven and Earth watched in horror.

The flower-eating deer lost their way,

The fruit-plucking monkeys did not know where they were.

Seven-storied iron pagodas fell on the Buddha's head,

The streamers in the temple fell on the jeweled canopy.

Golden beams and pillars of jade were shaken from their roots,

Tiles flew from the roof like swallows.

As the boatman raised his oar he made a vow,

Quickly sacrificing a pig and a goat as he pushed off.

The guardian god of the city ward abandoned his shrine,

The Dragon Kings of the Four Seas bowed to Heaven.

The yaksha demons' boats were wrecked on the coast,

And half the length of the Great Wall was blown down.

As this gale wind passed, an evil spirit appeared in mid-air. He was certainly ugly with his dark face, stubbly hair, long nose, and big ears. He wore a cotton tunic that was somewhere between black and blue, and round his waist was a patterned cotton cloth. “So that's what he's like,” thought Monkey with a secret smile, and without greeting him or asking him anything he lay down on the bed, breathing heavily and pretending to be ill. Not knowing who this really was, the monster came straight in, put his arms around him and was going to kiss him.

Monkey laughed to himself again as he thought, “So he really wants to screw me.” Then he thrust his hand up under the monster's long nose to throw him off balance. The monster fell off the bed.

As the monster pulled himself up he leaned on the edge of the bed and said, “Darling, why are you so angry with me today? Is it because I'm late?”

“I'm not angry,” Monkey replied, “not angry at all.”

“If you're not angry with me, why did you make me fall over?”

“You should have been more thoughtful and not tried hugging me and kissing me. I'm not feeling very well today. If I'd been my usual self I'd have been waiting for you at the door. Take your clothes off and come to bed.” Not realizing what he was up to, the monster undressed. Monkey jumped out of bed and sat on the pot as the monster went back to bed and groped around without finding the girl.