“Where've you gone, darling?” he asked. “Take your clothes off and come to bed.”

“Go to sleep,” Monkey replied, “I'm taking a shit.” The monster did as he was told. Monkey sighed and said, “What terrible luck.”

“What are you so fed up about?” the monster asked. “What do you mean by 'terrible luck'? I may have eaten some food and drunk some tea since marrying you, but I haven't been idle either. I've swept for your family and dug ditches, I've shifted bricks and tiles, I've built walls for you, I've ploughed and weeded your fields, I've sown your wheat, and I've transplanted your rice. I've made your family's fortune. These days you dress in brocade and have golden pins in your hair. You have fruit and flowers in all four seasons, and vegetables for the pot throughout the year. But despite this you're still not satisfied, groaning and moaning like that and complaining about your 'terrible luck.'”

“I didn't mean that,” Monkey replied. “Today I could hear my parents through the wall. They were smashing up bricks and tiles and pretending to curse and beat me.”

“Why should they want to do that?” the monster asked.

“They said that since we married and you became their resident son-in-law, all respectability has gone by the board. They were complaining about having such an ugly fellow as you around, and about never meeting any brother-in-law or other relations of yours. Besides, with all that wind and cloud whenever you come in or go out, they wonder who on earth you can be and what you are called. You're ruining their reputation, and disgracing the family. That's why they were so angry that they went through the motions of beating and cursing me.”

“I may be a bit of an eyesore,” the monster said, “but if you want me to be a good-looker I can fix that without any difficulty. When I first came I had a word with your father, and he agreed to the marriage of his own free will. Why is he talking like this now?” My home is the Cloud Pathway Cave on the Mount of Blessing. My surname, Zhu, is like my face-piggy-and my correct name is Zhu Ganglie, Iron-Haired pig. You tell them all that if they ask you again.

“He's an honest monster,” thought Monkey with delight. “If he came out with all this without being tortured. Now I know who he is and where he's from, I'm sure I can catch him.”

“He's sent for a priest to come and catch you,” Monkey said aloud.

“Come to bed, come to bed, and forget about him,” the monster said with a laugh. “I can do as many transformations as the Plough, and I have my nine-pronged rake too, so what have I to fear from priests, monks or Taoists? Even if your old man were holy enough to summon the Demon-destroying Patriarch down from the Ninth Heaven, he's an old friend of mine and wouldn't do anything to harm me.”

“My father said that he'd asked that fellow by the name of Sun, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven who made such trouble up in the Heavenly Palace some five hundred years ago, to come and capture you.”

The monster was somewhat taken aback on hearing this name, and said, “In that case I'm off. We're through.”

“You can't just go like that,” said Monkey.

“You wouldn't know,” the monster replied, “but that Protector of the Horses who made such trouble in the Heavenly Palace is quite a fighter. I might not be able to beat him, and that would spoil my good name.” With these words he pulled on his clothes, opened the door, and was just going out when Monkey grabbed him, gave his own face a rub, and changed back into his real form.

“Where d'you think you're going, my fine monster?” he roared, adding, “take a look and see who I am.” The monster turned round and saw Monkey's protruding teeth, pinched face, fiery eyes with golden pupil, bald head and hairy face. At the sight of this thunder god incarnate his hands were numbed and his legs paralyzed; then with a great tearing sound he broke free, ripping his clothes, and escaped in the form of a hurricane. Monkey rushed after him, grabbed his iron cudgel, and took a swipe at the wind. The monster then changed into ten thousand sparks and went straight back to his mountain. Monkey mounted his cloud and went after him shouting, “Where d'you think you're going? If you go up to Heaven, I'll chase you as far as the Dipper and Bull Palace, and if you go into the Earth, I'll pursue you as far as the Hell of the Unjustly Slain.”

Goodness! If you don't know how far he chased the monster, or who won in the end, listen to the explanation in the next chapter.

In the Cloud Pathway Cave Sun Wukong Wins over Zhu Bajie

On Pagoda Mountain Xuanzang Receives the Heart Sutra

The monster shot forward as a stream of sparks, with the Great Sage behind him on his coloured cloud. As he was racing along, Monkey saw a tall mountain appear in front of them. Here the monster put himself together again by reassembling the sparks, rushed into a cave, and came out with a nine-pronged rake in his hand to do battle.

“Wretch,” shouted Monkey, “where are you from? How do you know my name, you evil demon? What powers have you got? Tell me honestly, and I'll spare your life.”

“You don't know what I can do,” the monster replied. “Come a little nearer and stand still while I tell you:

I was born stupid,

An idler and a slacker.

I never nourished my nature or cultivated the truth,

But spent my time in primal ignorance.

Then I happened to meet a true Immortal,

Who sat down with me and chatted about the weather,

Advised me to reform and not to sink among mortals,

For taking life was a heinous sin.

One day, when my life came to an end,

It would be too late to regret the punishments in store.

His words moved me to seek reform,

And my heart longed for miraculous spells.

I was lucky enough to have him as my teacher;

He showed me the gates of Heaven and Earth.

He taught me the Nine Changes and the Great Return of Cinnabar,

As we worked by night and day with never a break.

It reached up to the Mud Ball Palace in my head,

And down to the Bubbling Spring in my feet.

The circulating magic liquid reached the Flowery Pool under my tongue,

And the Cinnabar Field in my abdomen was given extra warmth.

The Babe, lead, and the Girl, mercury, were married,

And combining together, they divided into sun and moon.

The Dragon and the Tiger were harmonized,

The Sacred Tortoise drank the Golden Crow's blood.

The Three Flowers gathered at the top and returned to the root.

The Five Essences faced the Origin and flowed in all directions.

When their work was done, I could fly,

And the Immortals of Heaven came in pairs to greet me.

Coloured clouds grew beneath my feet,

As I faced Heavenly Palace gates with a body light and strong.

The Jade Emperor gave a banquet for all the Immortals,

And all lined up according to their grades.

I was made Field Marshal in charge of the Milky Way,

Commanding all the sailors on that river in the sky.

When the Queen Mother gave a Peach Banquet,

She invited many guests to the Jade Pool.

As drunkenness clouded my mind that day,

I lurched and staggered around.

As I charged in drunken pride into the Cool Broad Palace

I was greeted by an exquisite immortal maiden.

At the sight of her beauty my soul was captivated,

And I could not repress my mortal passions of old.

Losing all sense of rank and dignity,

I seized the beauty and asked her to sleep with me.

Three times, four times she refused,

Dodging and trying to hide in her distress.

Great was the courage of my lust, and I roared like thunder,

All but shaking down the gates of heaven.