“Look,” I said. “I appreciate you always giving me rides, but I don’t think I’ll need them anymore.”

“Because of Chad?”

“Because of Chad and Elise.”

He turned on the car and pulled into the street. “If that’s the way you want it.”

I knew he was mad at me, or at least disappointed, but what did he expect me to do? Hang around Elise so I could hear the details of her relationship with Chad? Tag along so I could be a third wheel? I pictured Elise telling Chad about my crush on him. They’d both laugh about it. That was the worst thought of all.

We came to my house and I got out of the car.

“See you around, Cassidy.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

I went straight to my room and cried again.

I tried to look normal when it was time to help with dinner. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, then reapplied makeup. It was hard to do because my eyes were puffy. They were also bloodshot, and no amount of eye shadow made them look otherwise. I knew it wouldn’t slip by my parents. I knew it, and yet I still tried to hide the evidence of my crying stint. While I set the table, I gazed down a lot.

First Mom glanced at the floor to see what I was looking at. Then she looked at me.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No.”

“Then how come you won’t look at me?”

I looked at her.

“What happened to your eyes?”

“Nothing. I’ve become a drug user, that’s all.”

Her face grew worried. “You’ve been crying haven’t you? What’s wrong, honey?”

I told her the whole story. I knew I sounded pathetic, getting so upset about a guy who’d never been interested in me. I didn’t want to be pathetic or feel the way I felt, but I didn’t know how to stop.

Mom gave me a hug, a this-too-shall-pass pep talk, and the car keys. She said I could drive to school for the next couple of weeks.

By the time dinner ended, I was finally feeling better and in control of my emotions again. I sat down with my homework and managed to concentrate on it instead of endlessly reliving those moments in the parking lot. I would be fine without Elise. Things would just return to the way they were before she moved in. I could handle having one less friend. I’d done it before, hadn’t I?

At eight o’clock the doorbell rang. A few moments later my father called, “Cassidy, you’ve got company.”

I both wanted and didn’t want it to be Elise. I trudged downstairs. Josh was standing by the door, his hands thrust into his jacket pockets. My father stood next to him. And Josh was right—Dad did look a bit like he was gritting his teeth. But when I got there, Dad walked off toward the kitchen, leaving Josh and I alone.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

Hadn’t we already? What was there left to say? And why hadn’t he just called my cell phone? I knew he had my number. He’d programmed it into his phone when he’d first started giving me rides. “Sure,” I said and showed him into the living room.

Josh sat down in the loveseat, and I sat down on the corner of the couch closest to him.

He fixed me with his gaze. “I don’t think you should let some jerky guy ruin your friendship with Elise.”

I kept my voice light. “Well, I wasn’t taking a vote, but your opinion is duly noted.”

“Elise says she didn’t do it on purpose. She says she didn’t try to hurt your feelings.”

“You talked to her about it?” Until that moment it hadn’t occurred to me that Josh would tell Elise about the car ride home, and I dreaded the thought of him being my advocate. He didn’t understand Chad, he didn’t understand my feelings, and he certainly didn’t understand the ins and outs of girls’ friendships.

“I chewed her out,” Josh said. “Now she won’t speak to me because it’s obvious I’d rather have you than her for a sister.”

“You didn’t tell her I cried, did you?”

He didn’t say anything.

I tilted my head back and groaned. “How could you? What if she tells Chad?” I put my hand over my eyes. “I want to die.”

“She won’t tell Chad. She’s not trying to upset you.”

“Right.”

“Look, just talk to Elise. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship.”

“Obviously.”

“No guy is worth ending a friendship for.”

He definitely didn’t understand teenage girls.

“If she doesn’t have you,” he went on, “then all she’ll have is Kaylee and that bunch. Those were the type of girls who got her expelled in California. Don’t you care about her at all? You’re the one who was always telling Elise she should go to college.”

I understood now why Josh had come over instead of calling. It would have been easy to say no to him over the phone. It was harder with him sitting here, looking at me so intently, so earnestly.

Josh leaned in closer. “Come on, Cassidy, you’re not the type to hold a grudge. I want you to keep riding with Elise and me to school.”

It was a terribly inappropriate time to think about what a deep shade of blue Josh’s eyes were, but suddenly I found myself doing just that. Blue eyes and dark hair was such a striking combination. It was easy to let my gaze linger on him.

“Just talk to her,” he said softly. “Please.”

If I didn’t talk to Elise, it wouldn’t just be her friendship I’d lose. I’d lose Josh’s too. No more joking around with Elise and him in the car, no more talks, no more deep blue eyes.

He leaned in even closer. “Please.”

I let out a sigh. “All right. For you, I’ll talk to her.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up for school on Monday.” He smiled, a little triumphantly. Maybe he did understand teenage girls after all.

After Josh left, I went to my room and thought about what I should say to Elise. Whenever I started a paper for school, I jotted down a list of everything I wanted to say and bullet-pointed the most important details so I didn’t forget anything. This was at least as important as a school paper, and I needed to make sure I phrased things right. I picked up a pen, then put it down. Bullet point lists for phone conversations was something Elise would have made fun of me for. I would do this her way, from the top of my head. From inside my heart.

I waited for the image of Chad and Elise in the parking lot to flash through my mind again, with its accompanying sting. It didn’t come. All I could see was Josh leaning toward me, his gaze locked on mine. He had said he wanted me to keep riding with Elise and him. Had he only said it because he thought I was a good influence on Elise, or had he meant he would miss me too?

I made myself stop thinking about Josh, and picked up my phone. My mom has always said that a real friend wants what is best for you. I had only been looking at that equation from my side, I realized. If Elise wanted Chad and he wanted her, a real friend would be happy for her. I needed to be that real friend now.

She picked up after a couple of rings. “Hey, Cassidy.” Her voice sounded guarded, wary.

I kept mine light. “Josh told me he chewed you out over Chad.”

“Chewed out is putting it lightly.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it. It wasn’t like I owned Chad or something. I’m embarrassed Josh even told you I was upset.”

“I’m really sorry,” she said quickly. “I actually put off Chad for awhile because I didn’t want you to be mad about it. But the thing is, it wouldn’t have worked out between you and Chad. He’s not your type; he’s my type. He likes to party. You like to study.”

I knew Chad went to parties sometimes. A lot of the football players did, but I had always thought it was only that—him hanging out with the football team. He got good grades, so he obviously studied some of the time. I didn’t point this out to Elise. She didn’t give me time.

“Chad has a lot of hot friends,” she said. “I bet I could set you up with one.”

“You don’t have to.” I didn’t want a consolation prize tossed in my direction.