“We’d figure it out. I’m very inventive,” he replied, waggling his eyebrows.
I laughed softly, and he caught my lips in his for a quick kiss. “For tonight, let’s not worry about it. Tomorrow’s a new day.”
Lee pulled me back down into the pillows and I closed my eyes, snuggling into his chest this time. His hand stroked soothingly up and down my spine, and before I knew it, I was out cold.
I woke some time in the middle of the night, hearing voices. The room was dark, but a thin sliver of light trickled in from outside. Blinking my eyes open, I saw Lee standing with the door slightly ajar, wearing only his boxer briefs. Stu was outside, and he didn’t look happy. I immediately closed my eyes, feigning sleep.
“I’m sorry, bruv, but you’re losing it. All that cop pussy’s blurring your vision.”
“Oi, eyes on me. You try looking in my room again, and I swear I’ll deck you,” Lee warned him.
Crap. I suddenly realised that my legs and a good deal of my left breast were exposed. I must have kicked the blankets off in my sleep. My skin prickled with the need to cover up, but if I moved, they’d know I was listening.
“How do you know she’s not snitching on us to her bosses?” Stu asked, his voice gruff.
“Because she doesn’t know anything. Besides, other than what happened with Liam, we haven’t caught an inch of heat lately. What’s between me and Karla is between us. It’s got nothing to do with her job or this family.”
“It has everything to do with them. Christ, Lee, how can it not?”
Abruptly, I didn’t want to hear any more, because if he said something incriminating right then, it’d put me in a bad position. I’d have to decide whether or not to report it, and I didn’t want to report anything. I just wanted to forget about my job for a while and enjoy being with Lee for however long it might last. Letting out what I hoped sounded like a sleepy sigh, I shifted in place. Both brothers went silent before Stu said, “I’m going. Just think about it, Lee. You’re supposed to be the smart one.”
With that the door clicked shut, and I felt the bed dip as Lee climbed back in beside me. He didn’t ask if I was awake, just draped an arm around me and pressed a kiss to the back of my head. Before long I heard his breathing even out, and I knew he’d fallen back asleep. I struggled with the decision on whether or not to leave, but his warmth felt too good, and in spite of the fact that Stu had spoken a lot of sense, I was far too comfortable in Lee’s bed to go anywhere.
***
The next time I woke up, the bed was empty again. Somehow though, I sensed that I wasn’t alone. Rolling onto my side, I rubbed at my eyes and blinked a few times. Lee was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room. He was topless, his hair wet and a towel tucked about his waist. He must have taken a shower. His chin rested on his fist as he studied me, his expression pensive, and I wondered what he was thinking about.
“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked, holding the duvet to my chest as I sat up.
Lee cocked an eyebrow at my attempt to cover myself, obviously because he’d seen everything there was to see last night. “Not too long.”
Our eyes locked, and I felt goose bumps rise on my skin. His gaze was possessive, knowing, and memories of what we’d done the night before flittered through my mind. I could still smell him on me, and it made my thighs quiver in want. Several quiet moments passed.
“Where’d you get the scar, Snap?” Lee asked, his curiosity evident on his face.
My heart gave a sharp thud of both pain and surprise. Surprise that he cared enough to ask, and pain because of what it represented. I hugged the duvet tighter around myself.
“When I was a kid, I was in a car accident with my parents. The impact came from the side and there were glass fragments embedded in my abdomen. I had some internal injuries, so I had to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks. God, it was boring,” I said, trying to offset my discomfort.
Lee sucked in a sharp breath, his expression sympathetic. “Karla.”
I waved him off. “It was a long time ago.”
“Well, I always say that a scar’s better than being dead.”
“Uh-huh.”
Lee frowned. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”
The tenderness in his voice made my throat tighten. I hadn’t planned on telling him anything, but the truth just came spilling out of me anyway as I blurted, “My internal injuries were bad. I can’t have children.”
In the quiet of the room, the sentence sounded shockingly stark. Lee didn’t speak for a second, and I stared at my hands. Before I knew it, the bed dipped and warm, muscular arms wrapped around me from behind. Lee pulled me into his embrace, and there was something about the gesture that made me feel worse and better at the same time.
“Did you always want kids?” he asked in a whisper, his mouth resting at my temple.
“Not always. But once something is taken away from you, you tend to want it more. I know I can live a full life without children, but it’s like my heart gets all horrible and heavy when I think about the fact that I…that I can’t.”
“You could adopt,” Lee suggested, his hand lowering to my thigh and stroking.
I let out a joyless laugh. “It’s not the same.”
He heaved a breath. “No, I suppose not.”
A long quiet elapsed, Lee’s chin resting on my shoulder, his breath warming the side of my neck. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been held like this, skin to skin, feeling cut open and exposed, yet sewn up and healed all at once.
Lee’s voice was low and solemn when he said, “We’re stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.”
His words hit me square in the gut, the sentiment causing my eyes to grow a little wet, and I wondered who he was quoting from.
“Who said that?” I whispered.
“Hemingway.”
A soft, surprised laugh escaped me, even though my eyes were still watery. “You read Hemingway?”
I felt him move his head in a shake. “There used to be this tunnel near where an old friend of mine lived. Lots of graffiti on the walls. I remember walking home one night and seeing this mural in crazy vibrant colours with that quote as the centrepiece. You ever read words and they just make sense to you? I had one of those moments.”
“Yeah, the truth of them just kind of…resonates,” I said.
Lee caught my chin between his fingers, turning my face so he could look me straight in the eye. I’d never seen his expressin so sincere. “The strongest part of you is the broken one, and having kids isn’t the only way you can become a parent, Karla. The way you protect people makes you a mother to the world.”
His statement struck the centre of my heart and I clung to it, feeling a renewed sense of meaning about myself. I’d never thought of it that way before. Seriously, I had to change the subject, because otherwise I was seriously going to start bawling. The warmth of his hand felt soothing, and I was suddenly curious about him. “You’ll probably have a dozen kids running around one day. I can definitely see that for you. You practically raised your own brothers, after all.”
He was silent for longer than I expected, and he seemed thoughtful. Maybe it was the insinuation that his future would be with someone else, filled with someone else’s children. The idea pained me more than it should have. His breath warmed my cheeks as he mustered a reply. “Nah, maybe raising my brothers was enough for one lifetime. And let’s remember, I didn’t exactly do a bang-up job.”
“You did your best. You were only a kid yourself.”
“I was ruthless, but that’s only because I had to be.”
I snuggled further into his arms and placed a hand on his cheek. “You know, I might end up regretting telling you this someday, but if I’d been in your position, I’d probably have made the exact same choices.”
Lee’s nostrils flared, and his gaze intensified at my words. They were the truth. I could sit on my high horse, spouting moral virtues, but I knew that if I’d been born into Lee’s situation, I would have done whatever it took to survive. Perhaps we were more similar than I cared to admit.