That led me to the world of Cosplay and finding solace in fandoms, in knowing there were other people like me who longed for more, for adventure, for feeling like more than a tiny ant on this planet we call earth.

Not everyone gets it, especially hormonal teenagers who were still trying to figure their own shit out. Erin and I weren’t the only geeks at our high school, but we were one of the few, battling between being ourselves and being what was expected. I had my moments of “fuck societal norms” that quickly passed, and it wasn’t until I was in college that it really stuck.

I’m not and never will be that girl. I tried and hated it, then hated myself for wasting the time and energy for trying. Fitting in didn’t make me happy. Pretending to be someone I’m not makes me feel dirty, like I’m cheating on myself with Fake Felicity. Embracing my weirdness makes me happy.

I walk to the end of the dock and sit down, taking off my Toms and letting my toes dangle along the surface of Lake Michigan. I lean back on my elbows and let out a breath as the sun hits my face.

If I’m so happy, then why am I feeling a ball of dread in the pit of my stomach? It’s deep, and I don’t want to acknowledge it. I lay back on the dock and rest my hands on my stomach. My mind goes to my happy place, filling the day with something grand, something that makes me special, and something that’ll never happen.

I shake my head, knowing I can’t cover up this feeling forever, and at some point I need to come to terms with the fact that me—the older sister—is still as single as an individually wrapped slice of American cheese with no prospects in sight. And yeah, it does bother me. I’m not in a rush to get married, but I want someone.

Someone who loves me and all my flaws. Someone who can’t live a day of their life without me. Someone I can give myself to completely and love as much as I can.

Someday, I’ll find that someone.

CHAPTER THREE

I unroll the last curler from my hair and carefully pull it apart with my fingers before blasting it with hairspray. After adding another coat of mascara, I scrutinize my reflection for a minute before nodding at it with approval. I don’t wear a full face of makeup very often because it takes too long and I’d rather sleep than get up an hour earlier for work.

But I like it, and it surprises a lot of people to know that I am good at doing makeup. I picked up a lot of tips from doing Cosplay makeup. Putting all my gear back in a travel bag, I pad into my bedroom to get dressed. I pull on the white and blue polka dot dress, so thankful the slightly padded top is supportive enough to go sans strapless bra. Petite, slender Erin never understood my woe when it came to strapless bras. Those suckers never stay up.

Dressed and ready with half an hour before we have to leave to set up for the shower, I grab the Best Buy bag from my dresser and go downstairs.

“What are you doing?” Jake asks me when I kneel down by the TV stand in the family room.

“Hooking up HD cables. I don’t know how Mom and Dad live, watching everything in standard def.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re such a nerd.”

I make a face right back. “You had me help you pick out a new TV and rewire everything last year. You know it makes a difference. This has nothing to do with being a nerd. I’m just helping Mom and Dad keep up with the times. They probably don’t even know the difference between SD and HD.” I turn off the TV, ignoring Jake’s protests that he was watching some motorcycle show, and get to work, muttering to myself that getting Mom and Dad to upgrade their cable will be a whole other feat.

I’m just about done and getting everything put back into place when Danielle comes through the door. Her hair falls in soft curls around her face, and she’s wearing a pale pink dress and tall white heels. I catch the smile and faraway look in Jake’s eyes when he sees her and resist the urge to throw up in my mouth. It’s weird seeing my kid brother so in love.

I stand and smooth out my dress. Danielle’s eyes land on me, and her brow furrows.

“Oh, Felicity,” she says, blinking. She holds onto the banister and pauses when she steps off the last stair. “I didn’t recognize you.”

“Hopefully that’s good?” I inquire.

Jake laughs. “You clean up well, sis.”

“Thanks.”

He gets off the couch and goes to Danielle, linking his arm through hers. “I loaded everything in the car. I’ll come with to help you carry it, but I don’t need to be there, right?”

Danielle’s eyes widen as she looks up at Jake. Even in heels, she’s a good few inches shorter than him. “I’d really like you to be there, but you don’t have to. Most guys don’t go to the shower.”

“Well,” he says and leans down to kiss her. “I’m not most guys, am I?”

Her full lips pull into a smile. “That’s why I said yes.”

They kiss again and the vomit I was holding back threatens to come up again. I turn to get my purse. Mom, who’s still frantically getting ready, calls to me, making sure I’m ready. The house is pure chaos for the next ten minutes with people bustling about, checking the cars for all the supplies, a temporary freak out when the caterer calls and says one of the cooks is sick and they might be running late, and Danielle chipping her “chip-proof” nail polish.

Maybe I don’t want to get married anytime soon. All this seems like too much work for just one day, and fuck, it’s not even the wedding.

Finally, we load into the cars and drive half an hour to the country club, pulling around to the back to unload everything. The shower is starting with a cocktail and appetizer hour in the garden, before moving inside for games, lunch, then finally opening presents and cake.

Are all showers this fancy? I’d only been to a few, and they were for my cousins who came from families as laid back as my own. They were Mom’s sisters’ kids, after all. The wedding planner is already here, and greets Danielle like they’re longtime girlfriends. The other bridesmaids arrive within minutes, and soon we’re all gathered around the wedding planner so she can assign us “tasks.”

Along with two other bridesmaids who I met at dinner last night,—Michelle and Chloe or Zoey or whatever— my job is to carry the vases of fresh-cut flowers from the car and put them on the high-top tables in the garden. We each take a cardboard box and go through the well-maintained courtyard.

“Don’t blink,” I say when we pass a statue of an angel, her head turned down and covered by her hands.

“What?” Zoey says, looking behind her to see me. There is something familiar about her blonde hair and heart-shaped face, but I can’t recall ever meeting her. Still, I swear I’ve seen her around before. I probably have, actually. Mistwood isn’t that big of a city.

I motion to the angel statue. “Weeping … you know what, never mind.”

“Uh, okay,” she says and keeps walking. I shake my head. Remember who you’re with. We set up in silence. Half an hour later, things are in place and I’m wondering if they will let us have a few early appetizers.

I sit in the shade and pull out my phone. Erin is on her way with the cake, and the party starts in an hour. It’s going to be a long day.

“Thanks for helping,” Jake says and takes a seat across from me.

“Of course,” I say, smiling. “You’re my baby bro. I’d do anything to help you, you know that.”

“I do. And you have,” he says quietly, referring to the times I bailed him out of trouble when he was in college and never told Mom or Dad. Or maybe it was the time I paid his accumulated parking tickets, or helped him beat a level in a video game. Whatever it was, he’s grateful.

He looks across the courtyard at Danielle, who’s throwing a mini-fit about the mimosa bar not being how she wanted it.