When we get back to the clubhouse, I drag her out of the car and to the bedroom. Everyone stares as we pass, but no one says a word. I slam the door and throw her down on the bed. She’d been crying quietly in the car but begins to sob now.

“Why are you crying?” I know I’m being an asshole, but I’m too mad to care. “I’ve had it, Raven. I can’t do this anymore. That little stunt is the last straw.”

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out.

I don’t want to hear it. I need to get away from her before I make things worse than I probably already have. I leave and head straight to the bar. Britney is tending again and slides me a beer.

“Give me a bottle of Jack,” I growl.

She fills a shot glass, refilling it the second I knock it back.

“Rough night?”

“Just give me the bottle if you’re going to fucking talk.”

She pushes it in my direction and moves to the other end of the bar. Both Chopper and E show up, one on either side. Great. Raven’s fan club.

“Shit happened, it’s none of your business, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

E backs off, but Chopper doesn’t. I didn’t expect him to.

“If you hurt that girl,” he warns, “you’ll answer to me.”

He leaves me with that threat. Staring at the club logo on the wall, I take a swig straight from the bottle. I’m out of ideas. I just don’t know what to do anymore. What I do know is I’m going to finish this bottle. I hope to God it’s enough to make me stop thinking, stop remembering, stop feeling.

Britney comes back, this time on the other side of the bar. She places her hand on my thigh, slowly sliding it up.

“Let me make you feel better,” she whispers.

I glance over at her, and she’s biting into her plump, red lip. I do remember them being wrapped around my dick. She grabs it, stroking me through my jeans. I’m a man. That being said, when a woman touches my dick, it’s going to get hard. She smiles, her ministrations becoming more vigorous.

“Come on, Gage. Let me take care of you.”

Fuck. Why the hell not? It’s Christmas Day and I haven’t seen or touched a pussy in months. Fuck it. I grab her hand and pull her along behind me. More than a few disapproving looks are thrown my way, but those motherfuckers know better than to open their mouths. Raven’s not my old lady, so I can do whatever the fuck I want. I take Britney to my office and she drops to her knees in front of me as I sit in my chair. I watch her as she works on my button and zipper. She actually looks excited, and she should be—she’s getting the privilege of sucking my dick. She strokes it, licking her lips as she leans forward. I place my hand on top of her head to stop her so I can put on a condom, and I see the letters inked into the skin of my knuckles. Fucking hell. I push her away, thinking I can’t even get some head without being reminded of her. Britney gasps, staring at me in confusion.

“I changed my mind. Get out.”

“But –”

“I said get out!”

As she shuffles out, I move to the couch, forcing my dick back into my jeans. I drag a hand over my face then gaze down at the half-empty bottle of Jack.

“Guess it’s me and you tonight, buddy.”

***Raven***

I’m standing outside Gage’s office, staring at the door. I don’t know if I should go in or just leave him alone. Well, leave them alone. I saw him go in there with Britney. Who can blame him after what I did tonight? He should probably be having an orgy right now. I’m still trying to decide what to do when the door opens and I come face-to-face with Britney. She’s surprised at first but then gives me a cocky smile. I’m no idiot. They weren’t in there long enough for anything to happen. I’ll give her the satisfaction of thinking she has something to smirk about. She saunters off, swinging her hips and humming to herself. I take a deep breath, shake her out of my thoughts, and push the door.

When it clicks closed behind me, Gage growls, “I told you to get lost,” not even looking in my direction. He raises a bottle to take a sip but his hand freezes mid-way when I speak.

“It’s me.”

He still doesn’t look at me, only taking a swig from the bottle. “What do you want?”

I make my way over and stand before him awkwardly. He keeps his eyes down, probably thinking ignoring me will make me go away. I will after I apologize.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It was like…I wasn’t even in my own body. I zoned out, and it’s like you weren’t even there. I’m sorry, Gage. For everything.”

He takes another swig from the bottle. “Okay.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He finally lifts his head and his glare makes me wish he hadn’t. “What the fuck do you want me to say? That what you did was okay and everything’s going to be fine? I’ve said it a million times and it made no difference. Well, guess what? I’m tired of saying it. I’m tired of trying to help you and the only thanks I get is you trying to kill me.”

Every word is like a blow to my body. If he had hit me, it would have hurt less. He’s right, though. I can’t argue with the truth. I need to do something. His attention is back on the bottle, so I take it from his fingers.

“What are you doing?”

I place the bottle on his desk and climb onto his lap, straddling his hips. He looks to the ceiling in exasperation then shakes his head, but I don’t let it deter me. I cradle his face in my hands and press my lips to his. He pulls back, grabbing my arms and keeping me away from him.

“It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

I shake free of his grasp and pull my top over my head, tossing it to the floor. His gaze drops to my breasts momentarily then he looks away. With newfound determination, I wrap my arms around him and start to kiss his neck. I inhale deeply, breathing in his scent, hoping for the old feeling to return. I’m desperately wishing for the days not so long ago when all I had to do was think about him and I’d get wet. His fingers dig into my hips, pressing me down on his hard dick. I know it’s Britney’s doing, but it doesn’t matter. I move feverishly, licking, biting, and sucking on his neck. As I trail back up to his lips, he pushes me off him, onto the couch, and jumps to his feet. He keeps his back to me, hands on his hips, head down in disappointment.

I ruined everything. He doesn’t want me anymore.

“Do you want me to send Britney back in?” I ask in a quiet, shaking voice.

He turns to face me, his anger returning. “Britney? I give zero fucks about that bitch! I want you, Raven, but apparently, you don’t want me. How could you when you don’t even want to be alive?”

I approach him carefully, placing my hands on his chest. “I’m sorry. I…” Don’t know what else to say. I just need him. There’s truly nothing worth living for anymore if I lose him, too.

His gaze hardens, and I watch the muscles in his jaw work.

“Go, Raven. Just leave me alone.”

CHAPTER 12

***Gage***

I’ll never forget the crushed look in her eyes before she walked out of my office. I know I’m doing the opposite of what she needs right now, but my anger won’t let me be there for her. I finished the bottle of Jack and still feel no better than I did before. I need another one. I pass my room, and a nagging feeling makes me turn around. Pushing the door, I step into darkness.

“Raven?”

Nothing. I flip the light on and see her lying haphazardly at the foot of the bed, one arm hanging over the side. An empty bottle of Jim Beam lies on the floor beneath her fingertips. Great. I move toward her with the intention of positioning her properly, and an object crunches under my boot. What the fuck? I pick it up and inspect it, reading the label. It’s one of Raven’s prescriptions. Sleeping pills. And it’s empty.

“Fuck!” I frantically turn her over and cradle her in my arms. “Raven? Raven!”