It’s a waiting game I’m playing, and it’s dangerous. My freedom hangs by a thread. I know that. But in the back of my mind, I’m holding on to this small ray of hope that the man I saw in Mav today is the one who’ll come back in three days. And maybe, if he truly wants me, he’ll understand and protect me from my past when it comes calling.

Mav and the club just might be the only things that can.

Lily gestures to the green drink Bethany’s mixing. “What do you call that again?”

“Lethal Kryptonite. Named after you know who.” Bethany opens the refrigerator, pulls out the pineapple juice, and pours some into the glass until the liquid touches the brim.

Lily stands from her stool at the bar. “Tell me again how to make that drink with Jäger. The one you made for me last time. I’m gonna name it after Goose.” She wobbles a bit as she circles around the kitchen island.

We’ve all had too much to drink and that was before Bethany unlocked the liquor cabinet and started serving the hard stuff.

“Teach Doll,” Lily snickers, “ . . . teach Doll how to make cock . . . tails.” She throws her head back to laugh but nearly falls over. Thankfully, she catches herself by gripping the edge of the table.

Bethany shushes her.

Placing her hand over her mouth, Lily smothers her cackling. When she recovers, she whispers loudly, “She needs to make a drink she can name after Mr. Hot and Broody.”

“Mr. Fire and Ice,” I mutter before taking another sip of my Mai Tai.

“Ew! That’s perfect!” Lily screeches earning her a hissed, “Lil’,” from Bethany.

“Sorry.”

Bethany takes a big swig of her drink and groans. Licking her lips she says, “Almost as good as the real thing.”

Lily and I giggle.

“You’re drunk enough to talk about Dozer?”

Bethany shrugs. “I’d rather talk about Hodge.”

Lily shakes her head and gives Bethany a disappointed look.

“What? It’s what’s I do, right? Pick Hodge because he’s safe and easy, and loving him doesn’t terrify me or make me crazy. Only, because some senior citizen couldn’t see him on his bike and the son of a bitch was too stubborn to wear his helmet, I’m alone now and thinking about somebody else. Someone I shouldn’t be thinking about.

She sighs dramatically and leans back against the counter. “Letting Dozer into my heart again would be the worst mistake I could make. So have at ’em, Doll.” She waves her hand toward me.

“There is nothing going on between me and Dozer,” I tell her honestly.

After studying me for a minute she says, “I believe you. I’m sorry. That was rude of me. It’s obvious you have something going on with Mav.”

“Bethany,” Lily groans. “You’re being stubborn.”

“No, I’m being reasonable. I’ll admit that I can’t look at the giant without wanting to climb him like he’s a goddamn tree and I dream about having sex with him at least once a week.” At Lily’s glare she admits, “Okay, twice a week. But God, the fucking man gets better looking every year. I mean, seriously. What the hell is up with that?”

“So just have sex with him then,” Lily whisper yells.

“No. He’d want more. I know him. Plus, we’re oil and water. We don’t mix. I need safe and simple, and he’s complicated and messy.”

“Bethany.”

“Can we please talk about something else?”

Lily groans. She and Bethany have a little bit of a staring contest until Bethany says, “Doll’s turn.”

“There’s not much to tell.” I shrug. “He hated me. Now he likes me. He’ll probably hate me tomorrow.”

“But he kissed you,” Lily states.

“Yes.” I hold up my fingers. “Two times.”

“Holy shit. How was it?” she asks.

I take another sip of my drink. “Hmmm. Good.”

“Good. Or oh-my-God-good?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“Oh-dear-God-I’m-on fire-good,” I answer and Lily squeals.

“Lily! For the love of all that’s holy,” Bethany hisses.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

Bethany leans in front of me on the island counter. “Mav’s a catch. You should totally lock that down. He’s sexy as hell, too.”

Shocked, I gape at Bethany. “What? I don’t like him like him. But no one can deny he’s male model hot. And he’s a good guy. You know, he’s the only one who comes around to check on me. Cap used to help me out sometimes, but I could tell he hated doing it. Ever since I dear johned Dozer, he hasn’t liked me. He gave Hodge a lot of shit when he wanted to claim me as his old lady.

“The HOCs like to say we’re family and all, but Mav and Lily are the only ones who treat me like I’m still family.

Mav comes around and gives me money, even though I’m always a bitch about it. I know he can be a dick, but I think that’s just because he’s still hurtin’, you know? He used to be the best guy I knew, besides Hodge.”

My curiosity wins out and I find myself asking, “You knew him before Dana?” She nods as she sips her drink. “What was he like?”

Putting her drink down, she taps her finger over her mouth and looks up at the ceiling for a minute. “I don’t know. I guess he was a lot like Bodie. Happy. Carefree. Kind of a jokester and everybody’s best friend. He liked the ladies, and they liked him, but he wasn’t as promiscuous as some of the guys are. And he was funny about club stuff too. Hodge told me once that he had a big problem with some of the illegal jobs the guys used to do and they’d give him a lot of shit about it. They even tried to give him the road name Saint. He hated it though and beat the shit out of anyone who used it. After that, everyone just called him Mav. Or after Dana, Rick the Dick behind his back because he’d snap at everything and everyone.”

Lily interjects, “That girl must have done a real number on him.”

“All I know is that he was pretty devoted. I’m not sure why though. She was nice looking and all, but had that gothic rocker vibe. Dark, quiet, sad. Troubled. When she left him, he went a little crazy. It took him a month to find her. When he did, she was in bed with another man and blissed out on drugs.”

My heart cracks open for Mav. I know what it feels like to have someone disappear on you. You hope every day that it’s an oversight, a mistake, just them being forgetful. Every day you think, surely they’ll call or come home today. You worry that something happened. Maybe they were in an accident. Maybe someone hurt them. After a while though, your worry turns to anger and then bitterness. I know what Mav felt up to the point when he found her, but not after he did. I never found my mother. I have no idea what happened to her. But I have a feeling she’s out there somewhere living the life she wanted to live. The one without kids, bills, and responsibilities.

Finding Dana with another man must have torn Mav’s heart in two. It explains why he’s broken. Why he couldn’t stand the sight of another girl who looked like her coming into his home.

For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would have been like to meet Mav before Dana. What would it have been like to walk into his office that first day and meet Maverick Gunn and not Luce? It still would have been lust at first sight, but would it have been love at first sight too?

Ugh . . . Ember . . . listen to yourself.

“I know he’s broody and mean and all, but the man knows how to . . .”

As if Lily’s drunk self suddenly realizes what she’s saying, her face turns ashen and her eyes dart away from mine. “Oh, God, I’m drunk. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinkin’.” She hurries to say, “It didn’t mean anything. And it was forever ago.”

Nausea builds in the pit of my stomach. Against my will, images of them together roll through my mind. A sharp pain pierces my chest, and I don’t know when it happened but my jaw has dropped and I’m not sure I have the ability to lift it.

Her sad eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. But sooner or later if you guys got together, I’d have to tell you. I was the new clubpiece and I didn’t really have a choice.”