I nod. It makes me sick. But at the same time, how can I hold it against her? She didn’t know me, and Mav didn’t either. “I get it. If you hadn’t told them I was virgin, I would have been doing the same thing.”

Bethany chokes on her drink, spits it out on the floor. When she recovers, her big eyes meet mine. “You’re a virgin?”

“No.” The ball of nausea in my gut eases and the corner of my mouth tilts up. I watch her wipe her face and then get paper towels to clean up the floor.

“I just told the guys that to buy her some time. I hoped by saving her for Edge, they’d leave her alone for a while,” Lily explains.

Bethany looks doubtful. “And they bought it?”

Lily grins. “Yeah. Hook. Line. And sink . . . her.” She starts smiling again.

Bethany looks at me with an expression that says, “Oh, my Lord, she’s wasted.” Then she rolls her eyes and continues to mop up the mess.

Something wiggles on the top of my thigh and startles me. Looking down, I remember the phone in my pocket.

After pulling it out, I see I have two messages.

Luce: 512 miles of road and I don’t remember a mile of it . . . I can’t stop thinking about you.

Luce: You there?

My insides do a series of flips. Goosebumps spread over my arms. Not only because he’s put himself in my phone as Luce, but also because he’s texting me. The messages are spaced thirty-eight minutes apart with the last one being sent a second ago.

“Is that a message from him?” Lily tries to peak over my shoulder. I pull the phone tight to my chest and she laughs. “It is. Look at you. You’re blushing.”

I fight to push down my excitement and embarrassment, as I stare at the phone for a good five minutes trying to think of what I should say back, if anything.

Bethany and Lily start making themselves Silver Sanctuaries. The drink Lily says is named after Goose.

I type and delete what I write five times before I decide to go with something simple. I don’t tell him how excited I am to hear from him, or how I can’t stop thinking about him either. Though both are true.

Me: I’m here . . . still here.

His reply comes within a few seconds.

Luce: You scared me. Didn’t think you were going to respond. Thought maybe you already left.

Me: I wouldn’t leave without telling you.

Luce: You don’t know what that means to me, Doll. You doing okay?

Me: Yeah.

I almost leave it at that. But I find myself typing and deleting again. Finally, after taking a breath, I just type my thoughts and hit send.

Me: Bethany’s mixing drinks. Lily’s toasted. We’re having a girl’s night.

Luce: And you are . . . ? Sober . . . drunk . . . ?

Me: Feeling relaxed.

Luce: Having a good time?

Me: Yes. And believe it or not, I’ve never done this.

Luce: What?

Me: Had a girl’s night out.

I’ve had a girls’ night out with Will, when we’ve gone out for ice cream, or rented a movie and stayed in. But never with friends.

Luce: No?

Me: No.

Luce: Then I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I’ll let you get back to it.

I feel a pang of regret that he’s ending our exchange. But I’m not about to tell him that.

Me: Okay. Good night.

Luce: Night, Doll.

Later, as I lay in the bed in the guest bedroom, my mind wanders to Mav. Where he is? What’s he doing? Is he staying with another club? Or is he out at a bar with the guys? A million scenarios run through my mind and most of them are not good. They make the sick feeling in my stomach come back full force.

I know there’s no need to worry about him being tempted by drugs, but what about other things. Getting in trouble with the law. Women coming on to him. Without his chilly demeanor, I can see a lot more women flocking to him. And the idea of Mav having sex with someone else not only makes me want to rush to the toilet bowl to get rid of all the alcohol flooding my system, but it makes me want to hurl a breakable object at the wall.

If I stayed and let him get close to me, if we started something, would he cheat like Bodie? Would he expect me to share him? Could I ever really trust him even if we promised to be exclusive, especially when he’s away and partying with another club? Who knows how many clubpieces they have and no doubt they’re just as slutty or more so than the ones at the clubhouse.

It scares me to admit, but without a doubt, I could fall in love with the side of Mav I met today. If I did, it would Hetear me apart to give him my heart and then find out he was with someone else.

Obviously, this is something I shouldn’t worry about until I figure out things between us. Still, thoughts of him with someone else keep me up half the night.

There can be no lonelier place than to be at a party among strangers.

EMBER

Bethany groans as she looks around the parking lot. Her hands tighten on the steering wheel and she blows out a puff of air that makes her bangs lift away from her forehead.

“How upset do you think Lil’ will be if I don’t show up?” she asks.

“She threatened to sell your dirty underwear on eBay and never again come over for Margarita Monday’s,” I answer with a half-smile.

Hitting the steering wheel, she hisses under her breath, “Damn her.”

“Nice, Mom,” Axel mutters bitterly from the back seat. “I can’t swear, but you can?”

Turning slightly so she can look over her shoulder at him, she says, “Oh, Axel, give me a break.” Spinning back around she mumbles, “When you’re an adult, you can do whatever you like.”

“Whatever. Are we going to sit in the car all day and get heat stroke, or what?”

She blows out a long breath. “Axel, I swear if you don’t lose the attitude, I’ll let Doll and Medda out and take you home.”

He mumbles something I don’t catch.

For a minute, she does nothing but stare at the clubhouse. Then looking over at me, she says, “I’m not staying long. Remember you’re welcome to come home with me. If you don’t, stay by Lil’, Mav, or Griz. Someone you trust.”

It’s the fifth time I’ve been warned. “I will.”

“Okay. Then let’s do this before I lose my nerve.” She opens her door, and then pops the trunk.

Right away, I hear the old rock music I’ve come to associate with the clubhouse. I’m guessing it’s coming from the backyard because it’s loud.

I get out of the car too and pause to take in my reflection in the car window.

Lily somehow managed to tame my curls. She left my hair down and it lays over my shoulder in a style I never thought would work on me, but it does. My makeup’s soft and plays up my features, a shimmery taupe color on my eyelids, which makes the green fade and the blue stand out more. She also applied a mauve-colored lip-gloss to my lips making them appear shiny and more plump than usual.

After an hour fight with Lily about what I was going to wear, I finally settled on the red shorts I bought the other day on our shopping trip and compromised by wearing a sexy white top instead of sexy shoes.

The shirt is strapless and has a heart shaped neckline. It buttons up the back and has a stretchy strap above my boobs. It’s cute, and flirty, with little red cherries embroidered on it. At first, I thought it wasn’t really my style; but at the same time, I’ve never had enough money to shop for anything but second-hand stuff, so I’m not sure what my style is. Lily claimed it was the perfect shirt to taunt Mav. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I kind of blew the whole lie about me being a virgin.