Something inside me came to life. I’m not exactly sure where the surge of confidence, excitement, and power came from, but I flung myself at this stranger and I kissed him. He was older and sexy and completely out of my league…and I, Sydney Francesca Michaels, kissed Rhett Morgan. He wasn’t Ben, but maybe he was the next best thing.

So it happened. A quick press of my lips to his. Then I immediately pulled back, suddenly shocked and terrified by my actions.

He stared at me for a moment after, as my face burned under his scrutiny and the blood in my veins raged through my body. He was probably equally as shocked and terrified, but somehow, the expression on his face didn’t show it.

“You have to go slower,” he finally said, his voice different now, thicker and heavier. “Never rush it.”

Inching closer, he took my face in his hands. His touch was searing hot. For what felt like an eternity, he continued to stare at me. I stood there, unsure how to act. Then his hands removed my glasses. He slipped them off and tucked them into one of my hands. “Can we try that again?” he asked, softly. “You already spoiled your first kiss on me. We might as well try to make it count a little more. Good plan?”

Unable to speak, I nodded. More than anything, I wanted to try that again.

“You really do have very pretty eyes,” he whispered.

“A boy in kindergarten told me they were diarrhea-green.”

“He was an idiot. They’re the color green the ocean turns when a big storm is coming.”

And with that lingering comment, possibly the nicest compliment anyone had ever given me, he pressed his lips against mine. Aside from his hands on my neck, no other part of our bodies touched—just our lips. Warm, soft, lingering lips. My brain didn’t know how to rationalize Rhett. I couldn’t decide what to make of him, but his kiss was perfection.

Up until the moment it ended.

Not even a second later, Rhett’s lips were forcefully ripped from mine. And then someone subsequently punched him the jaw. That someone was by my brother. John had appeared out of nowhere, livid, aggressive, and ready to kill. “Don’t you fucking touch her, Rhett Morgan,” he screamed. “You nasty motherfucker.”

Oh dear God! Never in my life had I heard my brother swear like that. Nor had I ever seen him hit another human being. John looked like a badass—covered in tattoos with a nose ring right through the middle of his nose like a bull—but he was harmless. At least, I’d always thought he was harmless. I guess when it came to protecting me, he wasn’t. Rhett stood up, adjusting his jaw. Then he shifted his feet, widening his stance like he was preparing to fight back. I was willing to bet money on the fact that Rhett had been in his fair share of fights in his lifetime. He had that look about him—the look like he could do some serious damage. I had to stop this.

“This is my fault,” I shrieked, tugging on John’s arm. “I kissed him. I kissed him.”

“I don’t care who kissed whom,” my brother snapped. “You’re never going near him again.”

“Fair enough. It was an impulse thing anyway. Didn’t mean anything. Can we just go?”

Rhett lowered his hands. I wasn’t sure if I was lying about the ‘impulse’ comment or not. Either way, he looked hurt by my words. But that wasn’t possible, right? I was the fourth girl he’d kissed today. Surely, he’d just find someone new to kiss later.

My brother ushered me away, toward the front of the restaurant, leaving Rhett behind. And I let him because I didn’t know what else to do.

“I need to pay for your milkshake and the appetizer I ordered,” John grunted. “Then we’re gone and never coming back to this hole again. Got it? Rhett Morgan sleeps around with everyone. He probably has crabs, and his crabs have something even more disgusting. He’s no good and will work at this bar for the rest of his meaningless life. You’re never going near him again.”

Wow. I didn’t know my brother could be such a judgmental jerk.

“It didn’t mean anything,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

We went back into the restaurant, John tugging me along. A big part of me wanted to glance up, toward the bar in the back of the room and look for Rhett. Had he come back inside? I felt horrible about my brother punching him. I hoped he knew that I was sorry. But I kept my head down and followed John.

Our untouched appetizer of fried calamari sat on the table. The server approached us, carrying my milkshake. John asked for the check and asked her to box up our food so we could take it home. It took a few minutes and then finally she returned. She handed John the takeout box and me my milkshake. She also slipped something into my hand when John wasn’t looking.

A piece of paper.

My heart started slamming even harder than it was already. My skin burned. I couldn’t look at the paper the whole way home for fear that John would see. But once we arrived home, I rushed up to my room to see if the paper was what I thought it was. It was. It was a note. A note from Rhett. The note read:

Come find me when you’re no longer jail-bait.

CHAPTER 2:

2 years later…

SYDNEY

What and if. Alone those words never meant much to me, but string them together—what if—and suddenly I was faced with the most horrifying sentence ever. It was a sentence that used to fill me with hope. Now the words filled me with regret. What if? It was all I could think about—and feared that it would be a question that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

One week ago Ben Turner was alive and well. One week ago my life made a hell of a lot more sense. One week ago I still had the same silly dreams and hopes that I had been holding onto all four years of high school. Now, nothing made sense. I could barely breathe let alone think straight. Why? Why would God take him away from this world so young?

“Lost at Sea.” That was what all the local news stations had been blaring on repeat. And hearing that phrase over and over made me want to punch something and I thought if I heard it one more time I would go insane. Because I knew Ben would turn up. I knew it was only a matter of time before they found him—alive—and everything would go back to normal. But then, after only four days, the massive search party off the coast of California was called off and the phrase changed to something infinitely harder for me to stomach.

“Lost at Sea, Declared Dead.”

In the blink of an eye, the metaphorical carpet had been ripped out from underneath my feet and my entire world flipped upside-down. And what made it all so much worse—and it was already pretty damn awful—were all the questions I knew I would never have the answers to. What if this was all my fault? What if I should have tried to stop him, rather than encourage him, from leaving for the Coast Guard in the first place? What if I would have told him how I felt? Could that have changed things somehow?

Last summer, when other kids my age were exploring first loves and first jobs, I’d decided to take a few courses at the community college. What else can I say? I was a nerd to the core and I signed up because I had nothing better to do with my time. Only…I never expected a particular someone to be in one of my classes.

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the room on that first day and found Ben of all people staring back at me. I swear to God, I heard a hallelujah chorus in my head when I saw him sitting there. He’d been alone—none of his usual crowd surrounding him like a buffer. And when he’d spotted me walking into that classroom, even though we were barely more than acquaintances, he’d smiled his gorgeous ‘Crest-commercial’ smile in my direction. He probably only smiled because I was the only other familiar face in the room and although he wasn’t the type to sit alone, he’d smiled at me nonetheless.