I stood outside for a moment, enjoying the sound. I almost didn’t want to open the door and ruin whatever moment she was enjoying. But it was cold and I had homework to start, so with reluctance I slowly opened the door and instantly wished I could quietly creep back out again.

Renee was on the couch, sitting close to a guy I didn’t recognize. Her head was thrown back, exposing the long, white column of her throat in a signature flirty move I hadn’t witnessed since freshman year. It threw me to see this side of her again. It was like coming face-to-face with someone you had forgotten you knew.

The guy, who was cute in a geeky sort of way with thick black-framed glasses and curly dark hair, watched her with a sweet smile on his face. Renee leaned in close to him, her grin infectious and genuine. She looked years younger. It was as though pounds of baggage had been lifted from her frail shoulders.

Seeing her like this was both inspiring and oddly painful. Because while it was a relief to see her bouncing back from her horrific heartache, a small, ugly part of me was jealous. Jealous that it was Renee making those positive steps forward. That she was the one with the smile on her face and joy in her eyes. I wanted that so much for myself and I worried I’d never have it again.

I tried to close the door quietly so as not to interrupt them. The soft click as it shut, however, told them they were no longer alone. Renee stopped laughing. She covered her mouth as though she had been caught doing something wrong.

“Aubrey, hey!” Renee looked sideways at the guy beside her, an almost guilty look on her face.

“Hey,” I said back, dropping my bag onto the chair. Cute guy with glasses sat up straighter and gave me a shy smile.

“Um, this is Iain. He came over to help me study,” she said, looking at him through her lashes. The flirty glances the two were throwing at each other made me wish I could slink back to my room and marinate in this awful feeling of selfish bitterness that was bubbling up inside me.

I hated that I felt that way.

But it was there all the same. How could I begrudge my best friend a chance to move forward? Why would I want her to be trapped here with me in the charred remains of our former relationships? I had hated Devon Keeton, the man responsible for her tattered heart and broken trust. He had used and abused her. He had threatened and nearly ruined her.

Seeing her laughing and flirting was a relief. Right? So why did I want to scream at the sky in anger? Why did I want to wail, “Why not me?”

And then I gave myself a sharp mental slap. Because I could have that. I just needed to fight for it. I couldn’t sit by passively and wait for it to happen. Even if my heart constricted at the thought of loving anyone other than Maxx Demelo.

“Hi, Iain, nice to meet you. I’m the roommate, Aubrey,” I said, walking toward the couple and holding out my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Aubrey,” Iain said with sincerity, shaking my offered hand with a firm grip. He seemed to be the polar opposite of Devon in both appearance and personality. He watched Renee with a worshipful expression, his eyes following her every movement. Renee flushed in an endearing way, and I couldn’t help but smile, pleased when all traces of jealousy subsided as I watched my best friend teetering forward toward this thing blossoming on unsteady feet.

“I’d better get going,” Iain announced as I continued to stand there like a creeper. I had been very obviously staring for an inordinate amount of time. Renee gave me a look that was hard to read, but probably had a lot of stop embarrassing me undertones, before getting to her feet and ushering her guest to the door.

“See you later,” I called out, hurrying toward the kitchen so I could give them some privacy.

I heard the front door close, and then Renee appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a soft smile on her face. She thankfully didn’t mention my weirdness, and I luckily wasn’t forced to explain it. “So . . .” I began, waiting for her to fill in the gaps.

“So . . .” Renee said, raising her eyebrows.

“When did all that start? You haven’t mentioned an Iain,” I said.

Renee shrugged.

“There’s really nothing to tell,” she said, evading. She went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water. I watched her closely while she took a drink, though the smile never left her face. She really was the worst liar. Worse than me, if that was possible.

“Is it serious?” I asked, and then hated myself for it.

Because the smile disappeared instantly. Renee’s shoulders stiffened and the same haunted expression I had become used to in my own reflection drifted over her face.

“I can’t even think about anything serious. My heart just isn’t ready for that,” she said quietly.

The Aubrey of six months ago would have prodded and nagged her for more information. The Aubrey of six months ago would have chided Renee for being hung up on the asshole that hurt her.

The Aubrey of six months ago really didn’t have a fucking clue. So this Aubrey, the Aubrey with a heart full of painful experience, didn’t push, didn’t prod. This Aubrey simply nodded her head and let the silence that drifted through the room after Renee’s soft answer be enough. Because this Aubrey understood.

All too well.

chapter

seven

aubrey

i woke up feeling oddly rested.

I had finally slept through the night without dreaming of a homicidal Maxx.

I didn’t know if it was my surprisingly productive meeting with Dr. Lowell earlier in the week or my staunch resolve to move forward, but for whatever reason, I had been given a reprieve from my anxiety-inducing nightmares.

And that, for me, was cause for celebration. Or at least my customary indulgence of Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the way to my first class.

I munched on strawberry glazed goodness as I walked the two short blocks to campus. It was warmer than normal for early spring. The campus was alive with students taking advantage of this first sign of good weather.

The warm air felt like a fresh start. As though even Mother Nature was on board with me getting my act together and putting the past behind me.

“Someone looks like they woke up on the happy side of the bed.”

I glanced up to find Brooks beside me. He looked good that morning in a casual T-shirt and distressed denim. He hadn’t bothered to shave, and the light stubble gave his face a rugged appearance that worked for him.

Not for the first time I was reminded of why I had been attracted to him when we had first met.

“Yeah, feeling pretty great today. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep will do for you,” I said, giving Brooks a smile. His face lit up and it was sort of infectious. My smile spread into a cheek-splitting grin. It was easier to feel normal with Brooks again after realizing that he hadn’t gone behind my back to Kristie.

I now knew, after our encounter at Compulsion, that Evan had informed on me and that my anger toward Brooks had been unfair and misguided.

“It’s nice seeing you like this. It’s been too long,” Brooks said, grabbing the other half of my doughnut and popping it into his mouth.

“You always have had a problem with grabby hands,” I teased, elbowing him in the side.

“At one time you sort of liked my grabby hands.” Brooks wiggled his eyebrows and I laughed off his flirting.

“Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. And I’ve learned a thing or two about the importance of personal boundaries since then,” I joked back, enjoying our easy banter.

Brooks licked sugar from his lips, shrugged, and grabbed my hand, pulling me up short.

“I’m taking you out tonight. I think it’s time to get you drunk and to have those normal college experiences all the kids are talking about.” Brooks let me go and I took a step back.