“Shit,” I muttered, getting out of bed and rooting around for my clothes. Maxx watched me pull on my pants and shirt.

I struggled with my buttons, already trying to think of how I could possibly justify having Maxx here, like this. How was I going to explain to Renee and, dear God, Brooks, that I was willing to give Maxx another chance?

That we were together, after I had been adamant that he would never be in my life again?

I felt like a total hypocrite. A liar.

My postsex euphoria was murdered on the spot.

And then I felt Maxx’s hand on my arm, and I startled at the contact. “It’ll be okay,” he said, once again reading my mind.

I gave up on trying to fasten the buttons on my shirt and pulled it back over my head, opting for a simple T-shirt instead. I was feeling edgy, not sure what I was going to have to face when I left my room.

“Will it, Maxx?” I asked with venom.

Maxx grabbed my hands and pulled me toward where he still sat on my bed.

“I don’t know,” Maxx said after a beat. But he gave me a beautiful smile. “But we’ll try our damnedest to make it okay.”

He got to his feet and wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips to mine.

“I love you, Aubrey Duncan,” he murmured against my mouth, his blue eyes twinkling wildly.

I sighed and couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I love you, too, Maxx Demelo.”

He squeezed me tightly, and I let myself enjoy it for a moment longer. “Let me go talk to Renee. Give us a few seconds before coming out, okay?”

Maxx nodded. “Go do what you need to do,” he urged me.

I walked out into the hallway, softly closing the door behind me with a quiet click. I stood there for a minute feeling apprehensive.

“Stop acting like you’re heading to the firing squad,” Renee called from the living room, and I rolled my eyes.

She knew me too well.

I found her sitting on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table, her chemistry book open on her lap. Her eyebrows arched when I walked in, and she patted the spot beside her.

I sank down onto the couch, and she closed her book. “So, first of all, sorry about that,” Renee said, jerking her thumb in the direction of my bedroom.

I felt my face flush.

“And second, what the hell is going on?” Renee asked, getting straight to the point.

I couldn’t really tell if she was angry, but I saw her obvious concern.

“What happened to I’m never going back there again? What happened to that woman who realized how destructive a relationship with Maxx was? How do you go from I won’t let him in my life again to hopping into bed with him? I’m a little confused.” Renee frowned and looked exasperated.

“I guess we’re both doing things that surprise us,” I countered. Renee flushed, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“If this is about what you saw . . . Just because I chose to do something stupid doesn’t mean you can,” she argued.

“This has nothing to do with that, Renee. God! It’s just . . . things feel different.”

Renee snorted in disbelief, and I straightened my back defensively, knowing how ridiculous I sounded.

“Okay, I know how that sounds. I also know that it looks like I’m just another silly girl allowing herself to be led around by her vagina,” I grumbled.

“From what I just walked in on, I’d say that was an accurate description,” Renee agreed.

“I’m going into this with my eyes open this time. No more head in the sand, living in denial. I promise. I know I was adamant about keeping Maxx out of my life, but what if my head is wrong and my heart is right? I don’t want to find myself five years from now wondering what if I had given him another chance. What if this was my time to be happy. Finally! ”

“Okay, I understand that. I really do, but have you even thought about what this will mean for your chances of getting back into the counseling program? What will you tell Dr. Lowell the next time she asks how things are going? Will you just come out and say, Well, you know that guy I’m supposed to stay away from? Well, we’re bumping uglies again. Ain’t love grand? ” Renee’s hardened sarcasm surprised me. I hadn’t expected her to be so bitter.

I reached out for the Department of Education catalogue that still lay on the coffee table. “Yeah, I’ve already thought about that,” I said, holding it up.

“Is that why you’re talking about changing your major? I was joking when I suggested that in the coffee shop. I had no idea it was the truth!” Renee looked stricken.

“Yes and no, I guess. I just think that I went forward with counseling to fix something broken inside of me. That’s a really selfish reason for wanting to help other people. And, yeah, being with Maxx is a huge ethical violation. One that if I was dedicated to my chosen career, I wouldn’t be making.” I dropped the booklet back onto the table.

“But that’s not really the point of all this, is it? Because you can’t be this pissed about Maxx. Sure, I get that you’re disappointed and worried, but you seem pretty freaking angry.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

Renee’s shoulders had sagged, her mouth turning down. “I guess I just wanted one of us to be strong enough to keep on walking.”

Her words hit me straight in the heart, and I wanted to ask her more about what had happened with Devon. It was obvious it was weighing heavily on her. But just as I was about to broach the subject, Maxx came out of my bedroom. He stood out in the hallway and watched us uncertainly.

Renee looked up at him, her face unreadable. She got to her feet. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Aubrey. I don’t want to watch you fall apart all over again,” she said firmly before walking past Maxx and into her bedroom, the door closing with a slam.

“I’m guessing that didn’t go as well as you’d hoped,” Maxx deduced, coming into the living room and sitting beside me on the couch.

“I have a feeling that had to do more with her than with me. But she’s right about one thing, Maxx. I won’t fall apart over you again. I can’t let myself. You’ve ruined me once already.”

Maxx pulled me in close, his arms wrapping around me, his forehead resting against my neck.

“Losing you almost killed me, Aubrey. I won’t willingly go through that pain ever again. I can promise you that,” he murmured before kissing me softly but thoroughly.

His words rang in my head, not entirely assuaging the anxiety in my gut.

I won’t willingly go through that pain ever again.

One thing I had learned from Maxx was that when it came to his addiction, nothing was willing. It was always beyond his control.

“Can I see you later?” Maxx’s voice was like velvet in my ear. I gripped my phone tightly in my hand. I wanted to see Maxx. So much. But there were things I had to do first.

Namely, talk to Brooks.

I hadn’t seen my friend in a week. His schedule was hectic, and it had given me time to think about how I would give him the news about Maxx and me.

So when Brooks had called last night and asked to hang out, I knew I couldn’t put him off. I wouldn’t avoid him, and I wouldn’t keep secrets. That’s what the old Aubrey would have done.

I had agreed that we could get together, feeling empowered by the need to be honest. Things with Renee were strained, and I only hoped Brooks would be more understanding. I couldn’t expect him to be okay with my decision to give Maxx another chance; I only hoped our friendship was stronger than his disapproval.

“I can’t tonight. I told Brooks we’d hang out.”

“That’s fine, I’m wiped anyway. I’m still trying to find another job now that the stable doesn’t need me anymore. I really wish I could find something that didn’t involve animal shit or fry grease,” he said, sounding a little defeated.