Maxx never complained about money, but I knew he was stressed about it. I knew he was barely getting by, but I didn’t know how to help him.

I hated to admit that I wondered whether he would go back to the club. Whether he would slide back into a world of quick cash and easy drugs.

I wanted to trust that he wouldn’t. He had sworn that was behind him. But that was what he knew. And I worried when I saw the tension on his face as a result of his struggles. And then I hated myself for worrying.

“You’ll find something,” I said brightly, though I, too, wondered what his possibilities were.

“Yeah, I just hope it’s sooner rather than later,” Maxx muttered, and I could hear his exhausted sigh.

“Have you thought about calling around to other galleries to see if they’d be interested in seeing some of your work?” I suggested.

Maxx had told me about Mr. Randall at the Bellview Gallery in town. I knew it was embarrassing to admit how much he had messed up such a great opportunity.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s such a great idea,” Maxx said shortly.

“But you’re so talented—”

“Aubrey, please, just drop it.” His voice sharpened, and I knew it was a touchy subject.

“Have you called to set up your intake for counseling at the addictions center?” I asked, bringing up yet another topic I knew he was uncomfortable talking about. Maxx had mentioned that he was supposed to follow an outpatient treatment plan after his stint in rehab. It was a condition of his probation, now that he was no longer attending the group on campus.

“Not yet. I’ll do that tomorrow,” Maxx said, sounding testy.

“It’s important, Maxx,” I told him, not backing off, though trying not to sound like a self-important nag either.

“Yeah, well, so is finding a job so that I don’t end up homeless,” he snapped, and I tried not to get pissed by his attitude.

He’s stressed. Give the guy a break, I thought.

Maxx let out a sigh.

“I know you’re only trying to help. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t bite your head off for looking out for me. I just don’t want you to start worrying about me. I’ll figure something out. Though I have to admit money’s tight. Bills have to get paid,” Maxx remarked.

Maxx’s candor was both a surprise and a relief. The fact that he was talking about these things with me was a big deal. I was so used to him keeping me in the dark. I had always felt like the last person to know what was going on in his life. I had been ignorant of so much that hearing him speak openly left me unsure of how to respond. This was new, uncharted territory for both of us, and it would take some getting used to.

“I get it. And I shouldn’t be hassling you about the counseling. I’ve got to trust you to do what has to be done,” I said.

Trust.

There was that word again.

“How’s that going?” Maxx asked.

“How’s what going?”

“Trusting me?” Maxx responded quietly.

“I’m getting there,” I answered, reciprocating his honesty with some of my own.

“I suppose that’s all I can really hope for,” Maxx said, and I wished I could give him more than that. But I couldn’t. Not yet.

“So, what are you and this Brooks guy going to do, and should I be jealous?” Maxx asked lightly, clearly changing the subject in an effort to dispel the sudden tension that had arisen between us.

Even though he was trying to be funny, there was an element of seriousness to his question. I had never told Maxx about my past with Brooks. But I also knew that Maxx was insecure. About himself. About me. About our unstable relationship.

And now that I was with a new Maxx, one who didn’t try to disillusion me with false confidence, I was more aware than ever of how unsure he was about everything. And particularly about me.

“He’s just a friend, Maxx,” I assured him.

“You must think I’m such a fucking pussy.” Maxx chuckled in that self-deprecating way of his that was very new and a little off-putting.

I didn’t like to admit that I sort of missed the cocksure guy with the swagger who acted as though he owned the world. But that person had been a result of the drugs. They were the reason he had felt so untouchable. It made me angry with myself for missing any part of that person he used to be.

But I couldn’t help it.

Because that was the guy I had fallen in love with first.

No matter how destructive he was, I had been drawn to his insanity.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I scolded. “Brooks and I have been friends for years. He helped me a lot, after—” I stopped abruptly.

“After you left me,” Maxx filled in, and I thought I could hear a trace of bitterness.

“After you almost died,” I volleyed back, not able to stop myself from setting him straight.

“Yeah, after I almost died,” Maxx agreed, the resentment leaking out of his voice to be replaced with a dull wretchedness.

“Maxx.” I said his name softly, reassuringly.

“It’s fine . . . I’m fine,” he said, and I knew he was trying to sound convincing.

I wasn’t sure how much I believed him. Though I was trying.

“I just want to see Brooks to tell him about us. I owe it to him. I won’t hide it. Not this time,” I said.

“Because this time is different,” Maxx finished.

I smiled, even though he couldn’t see me.

“Because this time is different.”

chapter

twenty-five

aubrey

“take this stuff before I drop it,” Brooks huffed, shoving bags of Indian food into my hands after I opened the door to his knock.

“Well, hello to you, too,” I said, kicking the door closed and following my friend into the kitchen.

“What is all this stuff?” I asked, indicating the bags Brooks was dropping onto the table.

“Instead of watching a movie, I brought over my PS4. I have the new racing game, and I thought you’d be down to get your ass handed to you,” he joked.

I was nervous about talking to Brooks. He had always been very vocal with his Maxx-is-a-druggie-loser opinions. And they had only grown louder after Maxx had ended up in the hospital and I had ended up in front of a disciplinary panel.

Considering he had been the one to help me put together the pieces after I had fallen apart, how could I even begin to expect him to be okay with me not only forgiving but reuniting with the guy who had almost destroyed me?

But Brooks was in a good mood, which was a plus. I only hoped it made him less likely to hate me when I finally told him.

“Sounds great And I see you even went to my favorite Indian place,” I pointed out, opening one of the cartons of steaming rice.

“Of course. Like I’d ever come here empty-handed. I know better,” he said.

I snorted and grabbed a samosa from another carton.

“So, I have some big news,” Brooks announced, grinning.

My mouth was full, so I waved a hand for him to continue.

“I got into LU’s graduate program. So that means you’re stuck with me next year, babe.” Brooks grinned, and I felt a sinking in my stomach.

He looked so happy. And for a moment, I wished I could rewind to that less-complicated time when it was just Brooks and me, eating chips on my couch and watching horrible B movies. Before there was a Maxx.

I found myself wanting the easy simplicity he offered, just by being who he was.

“Maxx and I are back together,” I said without preamble. I hadn’t meant to say it like that, but the truth was burning a hole on my tongue. The words sort of tumbled out like vomit.

Way to be smooth, Aubrey.

Brooks blinked and frowned as though he hadn’t heard me correctly. “Excuse me?”

I took a deep breath and blew it out noisily. “Just don’t hate me, please. I don’t think I can take another round of Brooks Hamlin’s icy disapproval,” I said.