She hung up the phone, and I scurried to the kitchen.

“I see you, Aubrey,” Renee called out, following me.

I grabbed a glass and filled it with water, trying to act nonchalant. Renee entered the kitchen and gave me a pointed look, arching an eyebrow. “You want to know who I was talking to just now. Admit it.”

“I’ll admit no such thing,” I said, lifting my chin.

“I was talking to Iain,” Renee said, grabbing her own glass and filling it with orange juice.

Her answer surprised me. “Iain? I thought you had nixed that.”

“Yeah, well, everyone has a change of heart now and then,” she said blandly.

I emptied the rest of my water into the sink and turned to my blasé roommate. “What brought this on?” I asked.

“Don’t act like you don’t have your own ideas,” Renee said.

“Devon?” I asked, and Renee nodded.

“Let’s just say I realized the error of my ways and smartened up before I made an even bigger mess of things.” She looked sadly resigned.

“Does this have to do with what happened at the coffee shop?” I asked. Renee had never talked about the day her ex had stood outside the window and the ensuing argument.

Renee leaned back against the cabinets, closing her eyes briefly before looking at me with a ferocity that shocked me. “I was a stupid, stupid girl. I thought love could fix a man like that. I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I let myself slip, Aubrey. And do you know what happened?”

“What?” I asked.

“He proved that he was the same asshole he always was. He won’t change. I’m not sure he can. But I’m not going to be the girl to wait around and find out.” She seemed so sure, so firm. I was happy to see it, but something bothered me.

“What exactly happened, Renee?”

Renee rubbed at a spot in the middle of her forehead. “His anger is an issue, Aubrey. It always has been. His jealousy is out of control. I thought he was different. He promised me that he was. But I found out very quickly that it was a lie. We were the lie.”

“But what about Iain?”

Renee shrugged. “I like Iain. He’s sweet, considerate, gentle. The complete opposite of Devon in every single way. And most importantly, he doesn’t make my heart hurt for loving him. Because that will never happen again.”

“I’m sorry, Renee,” I said quietly.

She gave me a wan smile and straightened her shoulders. “Don’t be. It was a lesson I had to learn all over again, I suppose. But I can tell you one thing, I’m not letting my heart do the talking ever again.”

She seemed so resolute. So sure her heart had led her astray. “Your heart won’t always be wrong,” I told her softly.

I thought my heart had loved the wrong person. But instead, it had led me home.

chapter

thirty-two

maxx

i didn’t think about what lying to Aubrey meant.

I couldn’t.

I hadn’t started my day thinking it would end with my deceit.

That I’d be perilously close to backsliding into my old life, my old world.

I had spent my morning at work and felt good when I had received higher than average tips. Sure, it wouldn’t cover the cost of my rent, but it was a good start. I still had the thousand bucks from club scouting sitting in my bank account and planned to scout again next week. It was a decent job, and I was trying to stay optimistic about it.

If I was able to scout and not actually go to the club, then I didn’t necessarily feel like I was keeping anything from Aubrey. I couldn’t tell her about it, because I knew it would only worry her.

But in the back of my mind, Gash’s other offer was a tantalizing possibility. As was the envelope of pills I still kept hidden in the back of my closet.

I was feeling somewhat upbeat, given my recent bout of pessimism.

And then my brother came for a visit.

“Landon! What are you doing here?” I asked, opening the door to him.

In all the years I had lived in my dinky apartment, Landon had never been by for a visit. And that had been completely intentional.

I had worked really damn hard to keep Landon away from the shit in my life. I never wanted him to see how I lived. But there was no point in keeping up pretenses anymore.

Landon came inside and looked around. “This is where you live?” he asked.

“Yeah, it is. Welcome to Casa de Maxx,” I said wryly. I felt mildly ashamed when I saw the barely disguised look of disgust on his face.

“It’s kind of ghetto,” he observed.

“Yeah, well, the rent is cheap. So, did you come by to criticize my interior decorating skills?” I asked lightly, trying not to get pissed by my brother’s comment.

Landon stopped snooping and sat down on my couch, pulling some brochures out of his backpack. “Well, I’ve been talking to my guidance counselor more about art school. You remember me talking about that with you, right?” he asked with an edge to his voice.

I knew what he was thinking. Did I remember or had I been too high to hear him?

“Yeah, I remember,” I said a touch defensively, sitting down beside him.

He handed me a pile of glossy paper. “Well, these are brochures from three of my top picks. I was wondering if you’d look at them with me.” He sounded kind of angry as he asked me. “You know, because I don’t have anyone else to really ask. None of my friends want to hear about art school, and even though David is less of an asshole, he’s still an asshole.”

“And I was your choice by default,” I said. Damn this kid and his ability to wound me. It made me want to shake him senseless.

Landon rubbed his forehead in an agitated gesture. “Yeah—” Then he looked at my face. “No, actually,” he admitted grudgingly. “I wanted to look at this stuff with you. To get your opinion. Because even though you’re a lying sack of shit, you’re still my brother,” he mumbled petulantly.

“Wow, you sure know how to sweet-talk a fellow,” I deadpanned.

“Whatever,” Landon said under his breath.

There was a long moment of silence, then I picked up the first brochure and started to skim the information. “So what is it exactly you want my expert opinion on?” I asked.

Landon shrugged. “I don’t know, really. They’re all good schools. I’d like to go visit them over the summer before filling out my applications in the fall. Maybe you could come with me,” he suggested offhandedly, as though it were no big deal.

I shrugged and tried not to smile. “Yeah, sure, that’d be cool,” I said just as neutrally. Landon nodded and pulled out another pile of papers, dropping them in my lap.

“This is information about classes and stuff. It’s a lot and it sort of makes me crazy looking at it all.”

“Well, let me help you out, then,” I offered, starting to thumb through the information.

And then I came to the cost of tuition and almost lost my lunch.

“Shit, Landon, is this how much it fucking costs to go to one of these schools?” I couldn’t help myself from saying.

Landon instantly froze, our period of thawing camaraderie now over. “I know how much it costs, Maxx. But I’m also working my ass off so I’m eligible for a crapload of financial aid. You know, so you don’t feel like you have to help me out. We saw how great that turned out last time,” he spat out hatefully.

I swallowed down my angry retort and tried to remember those super-helpful breathing techniques forced down my throat in rehab.

After a few minutes I was feeling better. “There’s nothing wrong with my wanting to help you out, Lan,” I told him.

“I just don’t want you thinking you have to,” Landon said glumly.

I looked down at the number blazing back at me from the page. Landon had always been my responsibility. I had always contributed toward his welfare. But now I could barely keep my water turned on and food in my stomach.