chapter

thirty-nine

maxx

i couldn’t wait to tell Aubrey about the gallery. I hoped she’d be proud of me.

I went to put my key into the lock of my apartment door and was surprised to find that it was already open. I went inside and saw that the lights were on even though I remembered turning them off before I had left to go to see Landon.

“Hello?” I called out¸ but no one answered. I walked back to my room and stood just inside the door. Nothing jumped out and caught my eye as being off, but I could tell something was different. Then I saw it. The pills I had only just stashed on the shelf earlier that day had been crushed on the floor.

I knew instantly what had happened. Aubrey had been here. For some reason she had gone through my stuff. Anger flared to life, an age-old response that I couldn’t really control. How fucking dare she come in here and look around like I was a damn criminal! Who the hell did she think she was?

She was the woman I loved.

But clearly, she had come here and dug through my shit because she suspected something. She hadn’t trusted me.

And that hurt like a knife to the heart.

I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed her number. It rang and rang, sending me to voice mail. Fuck. I had to find her. I had to explain.

I gripped my hair in my hands and berated myself for my idiocy. I should have flushed the stupid pills down the toilet as soon as Gash had given them to me. Why hadn’t I gotten rid of them? Because I was a goddamned addict who needed my crutch.

I was staring at the white powder that had been my vice when I heard the front door open and then slam shut. And then I heard a scream, loud and painful. It was the most horrible sound I had ever heard.

I rushed into the living room and found Aubrey in a crumpled heap on the floor. I dropped to my knees by her side, terrified by the sight in front of me. “Aubrey!” I grabbed ahold of her shoulders and pulled her up. She was sobbing, her entire body shaking.

“Aubrey!” I yelled. She opened her eyes and looked up at me, her face paling as though she had seen a ghost.

“Maxx?”

“Who else would it be?” I asked, hardly able to hear her over the pounding of my heart.

“But I thought . . . I . . .” She was choking on her tears.

I got her up off the floor and practically carried her to the couch. I put my arms around her and held her while she noisily fell apart.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked her, crooning softly in her ear as I stroked her hair. Aubrey took a shuddering breath and finally stopped crying. She pulled back slightly, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“I found them,” she said. It wasn’t an accusation, just a simple statement. I didn’t need to ask what she was referring to, because of course I knew.

“I saw,” I replied.

“Where were you tonight?” she demanded, her eyes still wet with tears, but now lit with a fire that scared me a little.

“I told you, I was with Landon—”

“Don’t give me that shit!” she seethed.

This was the moment. The moment I could tell her the truth. Tell her everything. Or I could be a fucking coward and hide the dark secrets inside me.

“Yeah, well, that wasn’t my original plan, but I did end up over at my uncle’s house,” I began.

“What do you mean it wasn’t your original plan?” She was angry. Now that she was over the tear fest, she looked ready to commit murder.

“If you found the drugs, you probably already have an idea.”

Aubrey pulled out of my arms completely and moved away. “You were going to the club. I knew it, but I didn’t want to believe it. But then I saw the painting—”

“Wait. What painting?” I interrupted.

Aubrey frowned. “The one on campus. The one for the club,” she said, looking at me as though I had lost my mind.

“That wasn’t me, Aubrey,” I told her truthfully. I had no idea what she was talking about, but if there was a painting on a building somewhere for Compulsion, it wasn’t my doing.

Aubrey didn’t say anything. I grabbed her hand and held it, hoping she wouldn’t pull it away. “You believe me, don’t you?”

“I didn’t know what to believe,” she whispered, though she didn’t take her hand away. Small miracles, I supposed.

“I came here. I found the drugs and I sort of lost it. So I went to the club to find you.” Her voice was ragged and broken.

“You went to Compulsion? What in the hell, Aubrey!”

Aubrey’s face flushed, and she gave me an indignant look. “Yeah, well, given my discovery, I don’t think you’re in a position to give me shit about anything!”

Point taken.

“So I went there and there was a raid—”

“Wait! What? A police raid?” Marco had been right. The police had been watching the club.

I could have been there. I would have been caught in the middle of it. I needed to remember to thank my bastard uncle for inadvertently saving my hide.

“Police were pulling people out of the club in handcuffs. I saw your friend Marco get loaded into a patrol car.”

“Fuck, really?” I ran my free hand through my hair. Shit.

“You thought I was there. That I had gotten arrested,” I said, the reason for her meltdown making sense now.

Aubrey nodded, more tears slipping down her face. “Where were you tonight?” she asked again.

“Well, I wasn’t selling, if that’s what you were worried about,” I tried.

“What else was I supposed to think, Maxx?”

“Okay, okay. I had been thinking about going back to the club, Aubrey. I won’t lie to you about that. Gash made me an offer of quick money that was really tempting. I’ve been really struggling. You know that. I just wanted to be able to provide for our future.”

Aubrey opened her mouth, and I knew she was getting angry again. “Let me finish, okay?” I begged, and after a moment, she nodded.

“It seemed like the easiest thing to do. It’s what I knew. What I was good at. I could move some dope, score some cash, and be set. Gash said it would be a one-time thing, and I thought it seemed like the best choice.” I took a deep breath and thought about how differently my night would have ended up had I decided to go.

“But then, this evening, I went to see Landon. And I had a run-in with David—”

“Your uncle?” she asked, and I nodded.

“Yeah. And he said some stuff that really made me think, and I realized I couldn’t go through with it. That I would be putting myself right back in the very place I was a few months ago. And I couldn’t do that to you. Or to Landon. And most of all, I couldn’t do that to myself.”

I carefully pulled Aubrey toward me, and she let me put my arm around her. I pressed her into my side, needing to feel her close.

“I came home and grabbed some of my artwork and then I went into the city. I found an art gallery and talked to the owner. He really liked my stuff, Aubrey. He’s setting up a show for some of my pieces.”

Aubrey’s face, still flushed and swollen from her tears, brightened a little. “Really? That’s great,” she said genuinely, but then her face darkened. “You lied to me, Maxx,” she said, her voice tight and angry.

I sighed. How could I expect her to forgive me for betraying her trust yet again? “I did lie to you. I deceived you. I kept things from you when I had promised I wouldn’t. I’d understand if you wanted to walk out that door and never see me again.”

Aubrey’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Maybe I should, Maxx. Because I told you that I can’t go down this path with you, not anymore. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust.”

I swallowed thickly, feeling tears prick my eyes. If Aubrey left me now, after everything, I wasn’t sure I’d survive it. I had fought so hard to do this right, but in the end, here I was, fucking it up all over again.