~Sophie

Sophie,

I’m touched that I “moved” you. I rarely share this side of myself because most people can’t internalize how powerful memories are, and it goes unappreciated.

A rich internal life. That may be. I think of myself more as quietly confident. I am very comfortable in my own skin. I like where I’ve been, where I am now, and where I’m going. I work hard at keeping things very simple in my life… I never surround myself with decadence or lavish goods, although I appreciate quality. I don’t give a damn about “keepin’ up with the Joneses,” nor do I care if the Joneses believe I’m behind in the race.

I hate small talk, and boring individuals who only want to talk about themselves. I am fascinated by people from all walks of life, all creeds, colors, and races and thoroughly enjoy exploring their family background and culture.

I do not dwell on my memories as that would be counterproductive, but rather I keep them in my pocket, readily available for “me time.”

We might be surprised at how much common ground we share based on working with children. I spend a good amount of time mentoring young people in my area in the realm of music. Children are very special, and they need our nurturing, guidance, and love. I’m a huge advocate of helping them build their own library of memories.

I’ve gone on way too long a tangent, and am now becoming one of those people I hate by talking too much about myself. I fear, perhaps, becoming too personal to keep my edge as a Dom.

Okay, the secrets out… I’m a person too.

Switching gears, what’s this about the weather? Also, I truly hope you are enjoying your training and its impact is having a positive influence.

Stay a good girl.

MC

Sir,

About the weather—I’m just fascinated by it. I love to watch those shows on cable, like Nature Unleashed and Wild and Wicked Weather. I hate that it harms people, but I’m obsessed with watching the extreme power of nature and what it can do.

I’m glad that you said that about memories, because not only was it beautiful, but it also gave me a new perspective. I like the idea of spending more time and energy cultivating my memories and enriching my internal life. See? There you go, making me grow in a whole new area. You’re good, you know that?

I’m with you on the Joneses. I was raised to be obsessed with what people think, where people judge you by how much you have or who you are, but I subscribe to that way of thinking less and less all the time. None of what you’ve told me affects how you are as a Dom to me, the edge you have. Because when you start with all that mean stuff—believe me—my mind forgets everything else! I am just transported.

Not gonna lie. I do love the training.

~Sophie

Sophie,

You asking those questions made me think it’s time for me to check in on your thoughts and feelings as to how the training is going. What are some of the positives you’re taking from this experience? The negatives?

Do tell.

MC

Hmm. I thought long and hard about how to answer these questions. I wanted to be honest and transparent, but I didn’t want to sound like a complainer. I decided on this:

Sir,

Some of the positives are that I am learning about myself, my likes and dislikes. Also, I am exploring my sexuality in an empowered way. When I was younger I was somewhat shy, sexually. It was important to me to be a good girl, to do what was expected of me. So this experience permits me to express my true wants and desires, and I’m becoming comfortable with that—it’s an incredible feeling.

Another positive is that I just enjoy the experiences. Especially the phone sessions, because I like hearing your voice. That makes it more “real,” more meaningful, and less solo. After the sexless marriage I had for years, I’ve had it with solo playing. Blech. I realize now that I am a passionate woman who is ready for a real, live man. (The biggest negative about cyber play. lol.)

But I am reticent to discuss the negatives. I don’t want to spoil the good…

~Sophie

Sophie,

Probably a wise choice, not discussing the negatives and concentrating solely on the positives. As long as you are learning and exposing yourself to new and refreshing concepts, it will stay a healthy experience. My only hope is that you grow and find the true sense of freedom that allows yourself to be taken with lust and passion into a whole new realm of your sexuality.

MC

I sat back and reread his message. Did he just want to ignore the negative I did mention? The big, fat, glaring one that had been bugging me so much recently. I wanted a live man. A real one who could put his arms around me, hold me at the end of a bad day, kiss me goodbye on his way to work…

Hitting reply, I typed: Oh dear. I was going to tell you that we could talk about the negatives, but that I would rather do that over chat sometime. They are not really about training itself, more about how the training is affecting my life.

Then I pressed the backspace key and deleted it. If I turned into too much of a whiner I might ruin things with him altogether. But I was starting to truly crave a real life experience, and I wondered how to find someone who was willing to give me that.

The biggest problem was that just anyone wouldn’t do. As crazy as I knew it was—I wanted MC. With a sigh, I closed the computer, as a voice in the back of my head reminded me I couldn’t continue the way things were.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

As summer wore on, MC’s training continued to be a mainstay of my life, and some tasks went over better than others. Gone were the days when everything he did made my heart race. As I’d gotten used to him, I learned that I wasn’t compatible with all of his training ideas. But I had to hand it to him, he was nothing if not creative with his use of common household items for sexual purposes.

But even as I praised MC for his innovative designs and creative ideas, I told him, again and again, how much I’d prefer fucking a real man. Maybe I sounded like a broken record, but I hoped one day he would hear me. I guess I wanted him to offer to meet me in real life. I doubted he ever would, but I was starting to be afraid that was the only thing that would truly satisfy me. The idea of asking him outright scared me. I didn’t think I could take the rejection if he said no.

Was it crazy to be in love with a man I’d never seen? A man I knew almost nothing about? I thought so, but it had happened to me. It felt like I’d become addicted to MC. And like building up a tolerance for a drug, I needed more and more from him to get the same high.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking about reevaluating training, because MC sent me this:

TRAINING REVISITED

I want you to review your training to this point in time.

1.) What have you learned so far?

2.) What part of training do you crave the most?

3.) Do you feel you need the pain as part of training, and why?

4.) Do you relish being verbally abused, and why?

5.) How much does bondage play a part in your need to be trained, and why?

6.) Where do orgasms rank in the training process, and why?

7.) How important is being a plaything, a trinket to be used, and why?

You have twenty-four hours to complete this task or face a full punishment session.

Agreed?