MC

I agreed and started answering his questions right away. I told him I’d learned how to be a good plaything and how to obey, even though it doesn’t come easily to me. I told him I’d learned where pain fits in for me, which was one of the most important things I’d wanted to find out. I’d discovered that pain is an important adjunct to the control as well as the pleasure. For me, it amps up the intensity in both those areas, but I didn’t enjoy the pain for pain's sake. But by itself, the main importance for pain was when it was used as a punishment to remind me who is in charge.

The rest of my answers talked about how much I craved tasks that required me to obey, and how much I needed having someone lead me and control me. I relished being verbally abused because it draws me in with how forbidden it is, and it’s also objectifying, which is a huge turn on for me.

Psychologically, I loved the helplessness of bondage, but I also loved the concept that someone else was doing something to you, so you could be the receiver, in some ways the passive partner… that pushed lots of my hot buttons, but unfortunately, the most enticing aspects of bondage were unavailable. That was some of why I felt the benefits of my training were limited.

As for orgasms? Hell yeah, I wanted orgasms. That was an essential part of the training for me, because in my mind, BDSM was about sex. But I wanted a partner to have an orgasm with. That seemed like a good goal.

One night after steaming up the phone lines with a sexy play session, I mustered up my courage to begin the conversation I knew we needed to have. “Have you ever done a live session?”

“Of course.”

“You have?”

“Yes.”

“Do you do them often?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He sighed. “Right now because I don’t have a local sub.”

“Oh.” I wanted to ask him if he would do a live session with me, but I was petrified he’d say no.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know.” I stalled, embarrassed to admit how strong my need for a real man had gotten. “Sometimes I want to try this stuff out with a real person, not just a voice on the other end of the phone. Okay, not sometimes. All the time.” I heard the emotion creeping into my voice, but I prayed he didn’t.

“We could always do a cam session…”

I exhaled loudly and brushed aside a tear. “It’s not the same. There’s something missing. The touch of another person. I miss feeling the weight of a man on top of me, the whole ‘real life’ experience.”

“I understand,” he said, but I wasn’t at all sure he did.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

“Do you think it’s a summer fling?” Shelby asked, then bit down on a colorful bite of salad. She’d invited me for lunch at the Country Club to celebrate the fact that I’d received finalized divorce papers in the mail, and I was happy to accept. That was definitely an occasion for celebration, and I needed someone to talk with about my situation with MC.

I shrugged. “Possibly, but it’s only online.” Peering around to be sure no one was listening to me, I lowered my voice. “Actually, it’s rather kinky.”

This got Shelby’s attention. “Tell me more. When are you going to get together with him? Have you even seen him?”

I took a sip of my iced tea then mumbled, “We don’t really have plans for that.”

Shelby set down her fork. “Wait, what?”

“It’s purely an online kind of thing. They call it cyber-training.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. That must just mean he’s too ugly for words. Honey, you’re screwing around with the Elephant Man. Or a serial killer or something. A guy like that—he’s got something to hide.”

“Now hold on a minute. We don’t know that. He wanted to do things on camera. I was the one who said no to that.”

“Why’d you do that?”

“Because then there could be video of me doing kinky things—naked—all over the internet!”

Shelby bit her lip. “Good point.”

“So it doesn’t mean he’s the Elephant Man. It’s not like he was afraid for me to see him. In fact, he begged to do things over a webcam.” I might have exaggerated a tad when I said that.

“Maybe, but I’m not convinced. There’s something creepy going on here. Most men would die to get in a woman’s pants, especially one as cute as you.”

“He doesn’t know what I look like.”

“Huh. Has he ever asked?”

“Nope.”

“Have you asked what he looks like?”

“No.”

“You guys are weird. Maybe you’re a perfect match.” She giggled, and it was my turn to roll my eyes.

“I can’t help it though. I’m completely infatuated with him.”

“Sounds like it. You know, they did a study that found that the hormones a woman’s body releases after she has sex makes her fall in love with the guy she just banged. I’ll bet that’s what happened to you.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

She shrugged. “I get around. Listen, it’s not like you seem happy with this. I can tell you’re not.”

I sighed. “No, I’m not,” I said, picking up my fork to stab a bite of chicken salad.

“Tell him then. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him you meet in person, or you’ll end it.”

How very Shelby-like to recommend a power play. “That’s not how it works, Shelby. I’m the submissive one in the relationship.”

“And how’s that working for you?” she asked, crunching on a crouton.

“Not so well, I guess.” I wanted to throw my napkin at her, but it wasn’t her fault. Maybe it was time for me to take some responsibility for my own needs and ask for what I want. “But what if he says no?”

“Then it wasn’t meant to be. In your mind, how do you see this ending anyway?”

Suddenly I lost my appetite. That was the question I’d been trying to avoid for weeks. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, you might want to figure it out. Look, you’ve finally gotten rid of that philandering husband of yours. I understand that you need to sow some wild oats, play the field, and all that. Believe me—I get it. But you should do them with a real guy, get it out of your system.”

“I don’t think this guy wants more. He’s happy the way things are.”

“Then you need to find someone else.”

“You’re probably right.”

Shelby flagged the waiter to bring her another glass of wine. “Oh, honey, I’m always right,” she said with a sugary smile.

Later that evening, I was surprised to get a phone call from MC. In the past, the only other time he’d contacted me by phone was that day he texted me while I was at dinner with my parents. Other than that one time, we always communicated via internet to set up a phone conversation. I assumed that was his way of us keeping our boundaries clear, and I followed his lead. It would have never occurred to me to simply call him out of the blue, so I was thrown by his impromptu call.

“Hello? Sir?”

“Yes, it’s me. Hello, Sophie. I’m sorry to have disturbed you. This won’t take long.”

“Okaaaay.”

“I’ve been thinking about your wanting to have a live session.”

“You have?” He was full of surprises.

“Yes, where in the Central Time Zone do you live?” My heart began to soar, and I tried to hold back from getting excited.

“Texas, why?”

“How would you feel if I flew to where you are, and we spent some time together? Had a session in person?”

“Are you serious?”

“I am. What would work best for you?”

“Wow. Um, before the beginning of school would be best. And maybe we could meet in Houston.” The idea of meeting MC in Fort Worth, where I lived, freaked me out. But Houston was only a few hours away. I could drive there, and the airport would be convenient from wherever he was coming from. I probably could stay in a hotel and not see anyone I knew…