“But, I don’t understand. Why are you going to London? You hate flying, you don’t know anyone there, you−” I know I’m already clutching at reasons for her not to go. Yes, the last few weeks have been unbearable not seeing her, but I always knew she was there if I wanted to call or sneak a glance at her when she came over to see Arianna.

She shrugs and blinks slowly, her big round eyes filling up with tears. “I can’t do this, Spike. I can’t be in the same place as you, knowing that I can’t be with you. I can’t watch you struggle, knowing that you don’t want me to help you. I’m sitting here desperate to touch you, to kiss you, but I know you don’t want me to. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.” Her hands become more animated as her voice raises and her frustration rolls off her towards me, double barreling me in the chest. This is why I have to let her go.

“But London, Lotts?” I say, more quietly this time. I hold her gaze with mine and refuse to let her look away. I want to know she’s thought about this and not just decided on a whim in true Lottie fashion. “It’s so far away.”

She shrugs again and the tears build a wall in front of her eyes and she has to blink to clear them. A tear clings to her long, thick lashes, resembling me, holding on for dear life, not wanting to let her go. “Do you love me, Spike?” she asks as that lone tear drops and rolls down her cheek, leading a path for other tears to follow. My heart screams at me to tell her that of course I love her. I love her more than life itself. I love her so much that I’m setting her free.

“Your silence says it all,” she snaps, standing abruptly, swiping at the emotion running down her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“Lottie,” I call after her.

“Don’t bother. You’ve made it clear how you feel. You don’t want me, that is until you decide you do want me, and then you expect me to be there when you call. Well, I’m worth more than that.” She pushes through the gap between me and the sofa, knocking my leg as she goes. She sucks in a breath and her eyes widen. “I’m sorry, I−” she stutters, and I see a flash of pity as she looks at me and my wheels.

I reach for her hand but she pulls away, out of my grasp. “You are worth more than that, Lottie. I can’t be what you want me to be. I’m not that man anymore,” I beg her to understand how and why and …

I don’t know who I am.

“I know,” she nods resignedly.

“I’m sorry,” I offer. I know it’s not what she wants to hear. It’s not what I want to say. But she’s right. She is better than this. She’s better than any life I can give her now.

“Goodbye, Spike.” Her voice breaks as she speaks my name and a cascade of unstoppable tears pour from her beautiful but broken eyes. She turns, leaving not only my apartment, but my life.

“Goodbye, Lottie,” I whisper through the pain that’s ripping my heart open.

She was my favorite hello, and my hardest goodbye.

Chapter 2

“Right, I think that’s everything.” I flip the top of my suitcase over and press down hard on the top to try and get it to close. Arianna and Denham offered for me to stay here for a couple of days instead of a hotel after I moved out of my apartment. I was grateful, as I wanted to spend as much time with Ari as I possibly could before leaving. I only just had her back and now we were going to be apart again, but this time it’s my choice to leave. A violent and toxic relationship drove her away before, and I was beyond lucky to have her come back to Vegas, and me, and ultimately she found Denham, her soul mate. But it was that bitter, twisted ex-partner of hers that came back to haunt us, and he pressed the destruct button on life as we knew it. I don’t know if it’s harder leaving Arianna after all we’ve been through, or leaving Spike. They’re the most important people in my life, and I don’t know how it’s going to be, embarking on a new journey without them, but I know it’s what I have to do right now.

“My mom told me to tell you that she loves you and to behave while you’re away,” Ari says, looking at me with raised brows. Her mom always called me the wild one, but never frowned upon me for being who I am. “She wanted to come and see you but Brent is working away in Hawaii and she’s going with him.”

“She really landed on her feet when she found him, didn’t she?”

“Yep, she really did. She wants updates of everywhere you visit.” She rolls her eyes, but with an affectionate smile. I’ve always been close with Ari’s mom, much closer than I am with my own, and I’ll miss her face while I’m gone. I’ll be sure to keep her updated with everything. “Do you have to go?” Ari plops herself on the end of the bed and pouts dramatically.

“Yes.” I place my hand on her knee and she slides her hand over mine.

“Really, really?”

“Yes, Ari. Really really.”

“But you could stay.” She looks at me with empty hopefulness, knowing there’s nothing she can do to change my mind. I’m a stubborn bitch and even if I had changed my mind about going, I would still go through with it. I’m that stubborn.

“I could. But I’m not going to.”

“Not even for me?” She flashes me a smile, which makes me laugh, and very nearly makes me change my mind. What am I going to do without my best friend?

“Ari. Your sweet smile won’t work this time.”

“Pleeeeeeeeease.”

“Don’t make this harder than it already is, okay? I don’t want to leave you. Of course I don’t. But you know why I’m doing this.” I swing my legs off the bed and sit down next to her, nudging her shoulder. “You’ve got your happily ever after, babe. And I’m so damn happy for you, and D. You’ll be just fine. More than fine.”

“I know I’ll be fine, but what about you? You don’t even have somewhere to stay when you get there, do you? What if you end up on the streets? You do know that it’s fucking cold in England in October.”

“There’s a hotel at the airport, I’ve booked in for the first night so I can get some rest before I go in to the city. I want to see where fate takes me, Ari. No planning. No baggage.”

“You’re really doing this.” She resigns herself with a huff.

“I really am.”

“Okay, here, I want you to have this.” Arianna hands me a small neatly wrapped, white package and I take it eagerly. She knows I love presents.

“I need to leave more often if I get gifts.”

“Uh, no. You leave just this once and you come back safe. Hear me?”

“What is it?” I ask, ignoring her demands and trying to shake off the seriousness for a minute. I shake the box she just handed me to see if it rattles.

“Don’t shake it,” she scolds. “Just open it like any normal person would.”

This makes me laugh. “I’m far from normal, Ari, and that’s why you love me.” I kiss her on the cheek and she shakes her head affectionately with a small laugh. I make light work of the pretty wrapping that she probably spent ages over, making sure it was just right.

A black box is revealed with gold embossed writing on it. “Alex and Ani,” I say quietly before wiggling the lid off excitedly. Ari knows I love Alex and Ani jewelry. “Oh, Ari. It’s gorgeous,” I whisper, overwhelmed by the fact that today I’m leaving her behind and I have no idea for how long. Maybe I’ll never come back.

“It’s a St. Christopher charm,” she informs me, talking in a chirpy voice that I know is to hide the inevitable sadness that’s coming. “It’s to keep you safe on your travels. I want you to come home in one piece and sooner rather than later, please. Okay?” Her voice breaks on the last word and I close my eyes tight to try and gain some composure before looking at her.

“Did you buy this to make me cry? Are you trying to break my hard as nails reputation, Ari?” I joke, trying to make light of the situation. I know how hard this is going to be for both of us, especially after everything Arianna has been through. The tough times and tragedies of the last few months have solidified our friendship and pushed us even closer together. I almost feel like she’s part of me. She is part of me, in my heart. “You know I have to do this, right?” I say quietly, resting my head softly on her shoulder.