I shut out the craziness that’s ensuing in my head and push the gears of my chair forward. I’m at the door in just a few seconds, and to my relief, it’s no big deal. The demons in my head make the anxiety even bigger, and I realize I just needed to take control of it and push it away. I knock on the door, glancing over to the elevator where Lottie said her goodbyes just a couple of hours ago. My chest constricts, but I don’t have a chance to dwell too long.

“Hey, Bro.” Denham says, trying to hide the surprise in his voice at seeing me at his door. “You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so, is Ari around?” I anxiously look past him to see if she’s there.

“You knocked on my door to see my girl?” He quirks one eyebrow and I grin. I’m no threat to him and Ari, and he knows it, but he can’t help being protective over her.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, okay, fair enough.” He winks and holds the door wide for me to enter. It’s the first time I’ve been in here since before the accident and I’m a little choked up when I see that he’s had a ramp fitted and several other little adjustments in his suite to accommodate me.

“Spike!” Ari calls, running over from the kitchen with a huge smile. “You okay?”

“Yep.” I’m actually a little overwhelmed at how I feel, even though it’s just a small step, but I try and hide it. I take a deep breath before saying, “Actually, I need you to help me.”

“Sure. With what?”

“Arianna, I can’t bear the thought of Lottie not having somewhere to stay, so I’ve sorted accommodation for her.” She opens her mouth to talk but I halt her by holding up my hand. “I know what you’re going to say. She wants to make her own way, and I get that. I don’t like it, but I get it, and I know I don’t have any right to interfere but I need to feel like I did something for her other than push her away and ruin her life. I guess you could say I feel responsible for her running half way around the world to get away from me so-” I pause as I observe Arianna and Denham standing in front of me, with the same expressions on their faces and their arms crossed, just letting me have my say. I huff out a laugh at the sight of them. “You guys are hilarious.” They look between each other with furrowed brows but I continue, “Anyway. I’ve booked Lottie in to the Park Plaza. It’s a studio room, with a really cool view over the river. And she has it for a week, so, you know, she can get herself settled and not have to worry about where she lays her head.” If I had my way, her head would be on my chest. But if I had my way, I also wouldn’t be stuck in this heap of metal. I wouldn’t be as helpless as I am without the use of my legs and I would be able to be a man for my girl. But I can’t change any of that and she’s not my girl anymore.

“Spike,” She drawls as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“I know. I know. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have interfered but I figured if you tell her that you and D booked it, then she won’t be so pissed, right?” I give her a hopeful look, knowing that she won’t be able to resist my plea, and also knowing that she will want Lottie to be looked after and safe just as much as I do. Arianna’s eyes go from wide and in awe, to glistening. Her bottom lip quivers and she tries to speak.

“You’re so−” Her words crumble in to sobs and she covers her mouth to stop them from escaping again before running off to her bedroom.

“Shit,” I mumble. “Sorry, D. I never meant to upset her again.”

“It’s okay, bro. She’s pretty emotional at the moment,” D offers, and I’m pleased he’s not pissed at me for making her cry, again.

“Yeah.” I know how she feels. Never in my whole life have I wanted to cry as badly and as often as I have the last few months. But I refuse to give in to that desire, even if it does burn behind my eyes more now than it ever has. “I just wanted to … I don’t know, make sure−”

“I know,” he sighs with a nod. He feels the weight of everything too. I see the strain showing in his eyes. Years and years of worry and responsibility, topped with a heavy dose of hurt and pain, is starting to take its toll. I’m grateful that he has Arianna. God only knows what would have happened if he lost her. It doesn’t even bear thinking about.

“You stopping for a beer, bro?”

“I don’t know, I … yeah, why not?” He raises his eyebrows at my agreement, clearly not expecting me to say yes, and as he gives me a nod and a small grin, it feels good to give him something to smile about rather than saying no to all of his requests. Arianna comes back out of the bedroom with a loud sniff and a deep breath. I click the wheelchair forward and make my way across the room to her. “I’m sorry, Ari. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I hold out my upturned palm and she places her hand in mine without hesitation.

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “I’m just being silly. Can’t control these damn emotions lately. I’m just gutted that she’s there, and you’re here and you’re not …together.”

“I know. So you’ll tell her about the hotel, and try and make her take it?”

“Of course. You know how stubborn she is though.” She rolls her eyes. “I can’t promise anything but I’ll be as persuasive as I can be.”

“Thanks, Ari.” I laugh, shaking my head, “She really is the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.”

“That she is,” Ari agrees.

Chapter 4

Fuck me. London is cold. Really freakin’ cold.

It’s wet. It’s grey. It is not what I signed up for.

I had nine very long hours on the flight from hell, with two children in the seat behind me, which, I swear were spawned from the Devil’s loins, kicking me in the back and pulling my hair. To top it all off, the airport ‘misplaced’ my suitcase and I had to wait for three hours before they managed to find it again. If I find out those fuckers were poking about in there, I’m going to make someone’s head roll.

I flop back on the single bed in the small, pokey hotel room that I’ve booked for the night. The only way to describe it is basic. There’s nothing wrong with it as such, it’s serves a purpose, and I suppose it symbolizes a fresh start in some weird, warped kind of way.

I need to sleep before I go in to the city tomorrow. I’m filled with equal parts fear and excitement. I can’t wait to explore London. I want to see every landmark and visit the Queen. Okay, I’m aware that might be a little out of reach, but you never know. I think me and Queenie would get on pretty well.

I plan to spend my days making new memories and experiences, with the hope it will fill the hollow place that once held my heart. Maybe I’ll be swept off my feet by a sexy British man. Actually, the thought of being near any man other than Spike terrifies me. I don’t want anything of the sort. Just me, my suitcase and wherever the road takes me.

Miss you. Don’t be mad, but I didn’t want you to have nowhere to go. You have a week in the Park Plaza on Westminster Bridge. All booked and paid for. Send me a picture of the view! Love you xx

I thumb over the message, sigh and drop my phone to the bed. I didn’t sleep well. I always wake up grumpy anyway, and now, before I’ve really had the chance to open my eyes, I’m torn between feeling like I miss my best friend so damn much, and wanting to call her up, regardless of the time in Las Vegas, and yell at her for not letting me be independent and make my way on this adventure alone.

I know it’s the middle of the night there, but I call her anyway.

“Hey Lotts,” she answers, her voice groggy with sleep. “What’s up?”

“I’ve missed hearing your voice ... and I wanted to tell you that I’m pissed off with you for booking me a place to stay,” I grumble, skipping the pleasantries.