“Why don’t you just ask somebody? That way you can go with us,” I suggested.

Stephanie’s big eyes widened further. “Are you serious? Why would I do that?”

Rocky tilted her head thoughtfully. “You do like that Daniel guy from our trig class, right?”

“Rocky!” Stephanie’s eyes darted around the hallway. “You weren’t supposed to say anything about that. You promised!”

I laughed. “Come on, I don’t think we’re important enough for anybody to be eavesdropping on.”

“Speak for yourself.” Stephanie rolled her eyes and sighed. “Why would I ask him? Shouldn’t he ask me?”

“He’s had that option for a while now,” I replied bluntly. “Maybe it’s time you take matters into your own hands.”

“Easy for you to say.” She snorted. “You knew Rocky would go with you—”

“Ahem!” Rocky coughed, shooting Stephanie a look of warning.

Stephanie shrugged. “Just saying.”

Rocky rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Steph, you have over a month until the dance…who knows? Maybe this will turn into something more than just a stupid high school dance.”

I had to hand it to Rocky. She had a way of manipulating us without making us feel manipulated. My mom could take a few lessons from her.

“You really think so? Do you think he’ll really go out with me?” Stephanie yanked at her long strands and shut her eyes. For a moment I felt a bit guilty. I always forgot that my ‘irritating’ friend had a soft spot—an insecurity.

Before Rocky could respond, I reached out and patted Stephanie’s shoulder. “Of course. Just as long as you have a vagina, a teenage boy will always jump at the chance.”

The look of doubt left Steph’s face and was replaced with annoyance. “Okay, but if this ends badly I’ll find you and murder you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Written elf porn. I got it.” I shrugged my shoulders but couldn’t help wondering if she really did have a boiling pot of water waiting for me.

Chapter 5

Rocky was right. Everything did work out. In the month that led up to homecoming, Stephanie and Daniel started dating and Rocky and I continued our afterschool art sessions. There was nothing I looked forward to more than sitting in that beat-up desk chair and allowing Rocky’s eyes to travel over me. That one moment a day trumped every shitty thing in my life. I could look past my mother’s insults, her lack of love, and reminders that I sucked as a person. I could ignore the fact that my dad hadn’t called or checked up on me in weeks. I could also ignore the fact that my self-imposed rule to “stay away” was an outright failure because hell, I deserved some semblance of happiness too, right? The intimacy of sitting in a dim, silent room pushed any reservations I had aside. Why couldn’t Rocky and I get together? Would we really be doomed if I decided to ask her out?

“Why’d you ask me to homecoming?” Rocky didn’t look up and kept her gaze locked onto her work.

I didn’t really mean to.

I blinked in surprise as if caught with my hand down in the cookie jar. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Why’d you ask me out?” she repeated.

“Oh, that clarifies it.” I snickered.

“Jesse.”

How could I tell her that it was a misunderstanding, though one I was really thankful for?

“I…uh…”

“Jesse!” Mom screamed.

Oh thank God! For once in my life I was actually relieved to see my mother. The door burst open, revealing the fuming woman. Her chest rose and fell, and despite the anger flaring in her eyes she looked as if she were on the verge of tears. With trembling fingers, she held out the house phone toward me. “Your father wants to speak with you.”

I froze.

“Um, I think I should go.” Without waiting for a reply, Rocky practically sprinted out of my room. I couldn’t really blame her. Mom looked as if she was ready to throw objects.

Anxiety’s cold fingers wrapped themselves around my heart. A cool rush of icy fear ran up and down my veins. Mom stayed put, watching my every move, and I knew whatever Dad had to say must have been pretty important. Not to mention bad.

“Can I get some privacy?” I practically yelped out.

To my surprise—and utter relief—Mom retreated without another word, leaving me staring at the crusty old cordless phone in my hand. There were old pieces of food caked onto the receiver, and though that alone should have disgusted me, I suddenly felt numb. Hesitantly, I lifted the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Jesse.” I don’t know what I expected his voice to sound like. Maybe different? Older? The fact that it sounded exactly the same as my memories did more to jar me than anything.

“What do you want?” I asked bluntly.

“Son—”

“Please don’t call me that.”

There was a slight pause, followed by an uncomfortable cough. “Jesse, I…am getting remarried. I wanted you to hear it from me, and I also wanted to ask you to be my best man.”

I felt as if I was gutted, though I didn’t know why I reacted that way. I wasn’t stupid. I hadn’t held onto the fallacy that my parents would somehow get back together. I was all for believing the unbelievable, but that hope was just too much to even entertain. Still, hearing that your dad was starting a life away from you was nothing less than a blow to the ego and to the heart.

“Jesse?” This time his voice sounded hesitant, which definitely wasn’t a familiar sound to my ear.

“I…I have to go.”

“Jesse, please don’t be like this.”

“Like what? Someone who abandons someone else in need? Funny, I think we know somebody else like that.”

“Jesse.”

“Bye.”

My phone rang again that night. Not once, but four times. It wasn’t my father who called; it was Rocky checking up on me. Though I knew hearing from her would make me feel better, I also knew my resolve would crack and decided not to answer her calls. I wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting my feelings off, but now more than ever, I knew I had to. My father made that decision for me when he reminded me of my broken family. I’d never get Rocky into all that.

Chapter 6

The sun shone a deep orange the next morning, covered by low lying thin grey clouds. I stepped out onto my porch, surprised to find Rocky curled up against the porch post, her sleepy face greeting me hesitantly. The sun had just risen an hour before and I had no idea how long she’d been waiting, but judging by the rosiness of her cheeks, she must have been sitting in the cold for a while.

“Hey, I tried calling last night.” Rocky stood up slowly, eyeing me with pity. “Um…are you okay?”

Pity. Ugh.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Checking on you.” Her mouth puckered into a pout. “You didn’t answer any of my calls. You never ignore my calls…I thought something bad happened to you.”

“I was busy.” Gripping my binder, I pressed it against my chest as if it were a shield and pushed past her. Suddenly I realized there was no way I’d be able to survive school that day, not with the thought of my dad marrying a stranger looming in my mind. I did an abrupt about face and walked toward the opposite side of the street.

“Where are you going?” Rocky demanded. Swift footsteps echoed behind me, and before long her tiny figure appeared in my periphery. Her breaths quickened, fogging the air around her.

Rolling my eyes, I pointed behind me. “Leave.”

She groaned. “Seriously, Jesse? You can’t expect to skip and not get in trouble again.”

“I’m not expecting anything.” I stopped expecting things a very long time ago.

Her eyebrow arched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s what I do best, right? Not thinking? Not giving a shit? Why should I care about what happens to me? Doesn’t seem like anybody else does.”