Her jaw tightened. “What about homecoming?”

I nearly stopped in my tracks. She was right. If I got caught, any plans of spending the night with her would be completely nixed. Oh, who was I kidding? It was never going to happen for us anyway. Why keep up with the charade? Forcing my face to remain neutral, I snapped, “I was stupid to think I could be like everybody else for one night. I never wanted to go to the dance, anyway.”

Rocky looked as if she had been punched in the gut. “Are you seriously going to be like this?”

“Like myself? Yeah.” I was too far gone to come back.

“Fine, I guess I’ll just have to make sure we won’t get caught.”

“We?” I gaped. “What makes you think you’re going with me?”

“Don’t I always?” she snapped.

I pressed my lips together for a moment and shook my head. “If you really want to help me out, then I need you to leave me alone.”

Please.

“Well, that’s not going to happen.”

Of course not.

Her arms tightened around her breasts, and despite my current state of mind I couldn’t help but admire the way they plumped against her knitted collar. Hormones and loneliness were a lethal combination.

Knowing I had lost the good fight, I sighed. “You’re right. So where do you suggest we go?”

“Wherever you want to.”

***

“Well, you’ve certainly outdone yourself.” Rocky sighed and leaned into the cement wall, which continued to vibrate from the passing cars above us. The walls of the bypass were dinged with graffiti and what looked like dried vomit, but leave it up to my tomboy best friend not to care. I cringed watching her brown ponytail press up against the brown stains. “So we’re here…now what?”

Without answering, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. Almost robotically, I snatched one up between two fingers and grabbed the lighter from my shirt pocket.

Rocky’s nose crinkled up. “Really? That’s what you decide to do? Even gym is more appealing than sitting here watching you smoke.”

“What’s so bad about it?” I inhaled a puff of smoke, savoring the way its sharpness coated my throat.

“Uh, let’s see.” She held up her fingers and began counting off. “Lung cancer, emphysema, stained teeth, bad breath—”

“Hope you’re listing those in descending order of importance.” I chuckled.

“I’m being serious! Besides, I thought you hate it when your mom does it.”

There I was, being a hypocrite once again. I pushed away the feeling of unease and held out the box. “You want one?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d rather be dead, and judging by your total lack of disregard, you do too.”

“Being dead seems a lot better than this lifetime,” I muttered.

“Don’t say that!” Her eyes widened in what I could only describe as fear.

“Relax.” I took another drag and allowed the corner of my lips to curl up reassuringly. “I’m not going to…well, you know.”

She nodded silently and looked down at her feet with a grimace. Her white sneakers had gotten even dirtier from our hike to the bypass, but I thought it added character to the preppy shoes. “Jesse…what are you going to do about your life? You can’t just keep doing shit like this, you know.”

“Like what?”

“Run away, do stupid crap when you’re depressed. You need to stop blaming everyone but yourself and take responsibility for your life.”

I blinked in surprise. My jaw became lax, my cigarette nearly dropping from my mouth.

“I’m sorry for the tough love…” Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head quickly. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. You can’t keep running from your troubles at home.”

My arms flailed around as I gestured at the broken bottles and abandoned soda cans at the bottom of the bridge. “This is my new home now.”

Rocky sighed and stretched out her legs, bumping into mine. It sent a familiar jolt of electricity through me. Surprisingly, I was not in the mood and shifted away. The sky was now completely overcast, conquered by what looked to be rain clouds, and what little grass peeked out from the sidewalk cracks was browning with the promise of fall. It was a dreary day to add to my already shitty mood.

I coughed a bit and took a deep breath. “You’re lucky, you know.”

“Why is that?”

I tilted my head slightly toward her and watched as she shivered. Without thinking twice, I peeled off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, careful not to brush up against her again. I looked at her sadly, feeling a weird sting of nostalgia.

In another life we were probably together. I can’t wait for this one to be over too. I could finally feel your touch again.

Swallowing back a pang of unjustified grief, I whispered, “You’re going to go places.”

Without me.

“The only place I’m going is Rossi’s Novelties,” she replied with a soft laugh.

I shook my head. “You and I both know that’s not true. You’re going to leave and become some famous artist while I’m just going to stay here, of course. My grades, background…no college is going to take me.”

“What about community college?”

I almost laughed, but the lock of her jaw and tightness of her lips told me better. “What about it? You really think I have the money for that?”

Rocky’s eyes drooped. “It just sucks to think I’ll be so far away from you. You know I’m applying to Greystone and all.”

“Greystone University. Future home of Raquel Rossi.” Even saying the name of the school sucked ass. The college was about five hours away, and though I knew it was her dream to attend it, now that it seemed so close to happening I selfishly prayed she wouldn’t get in. I was a terrible person.

“Don’t call me Raquel,” she snapped

I bit my bottom lip and sucked in a breath. “Sorry…You’ll get in.”

“You think so?”

Unfortunately.

I nodded. “I know so.”

The cars continued to pass above us, rumbling and shaking the concrete. When I was younger, I used to sit and watch the cars fly by, picturing the different families that filled them. They were probably the traditional kind—two parents, happy kids, and maybe a dog. Then I’d start imagining the places they’d be going to. Maybe they were just going to the mall, or maybe they were taking a cross country trip to visit even more family.

Family.

Such an odd concept, and one I could only hope to understand.

“Why did your dad call?” Rocky asked timidly.

I snuck a glance at her, not entirely sure whether or not I wanted to get into it. However, I knew I couldn’t lie to her. Surprisingly, the words tumbled out of my mouth quite easily. “My dad’s getting remarried. I didn’t even know he was dating somebody.”

She attempted to keep a straight face but miserably failed. Her bottom lip jutted forward and her eyebrows rose. “Oh, Jesse…I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” I snorted. “It’s not like he was ever coming back, right?”

“I know, but…”

“But what?”

She shrugged. “You may deny it, but I know there’s always been a small part of you that wished he would.”

“Nope,” I replied, exaggerating the ‘p’ sound.

“Yeah, I believe you.” She waved me off.

I groaned and banged the back of my head softly against the shit-stained wall. “He also asked me to be his best man. I mean, what the fuck?”

“Well, you have to admit that was a bit nice.”

“I don’t have to admit anything, and it wasn’t nice. He just wants me to commit to going, which I am not going to do.” My blood began to boil, and though I knew I was taking my anger out on her, I couldn’t help myself. It was as if every negative emotion I had tried so hard to push away had suddenly returned with a vengeance. My dad had an uncanny ability to fuck up my life whether he was near me or not.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

I stared at her as if she had just told me that Elvis had returned to sing at the Old Opry. “The question is, ‘why would I want to’?”