So much for slowing down.

Her scent, a sweet mix of strawberry shampoo, light body spray, and sweat, was almost intoxicating. It was dizzying, almost rendering me speechless.

Gulping, I tilted my head closer to her. “First of all, I told you I was going to make up for ditching you during homecoming. I guess a gaudy nightclub is the closest thing to it.”

Rocky’s arms tensed under my grip. I looked down and noticed a troubled expression on her face. Feeling fantasy crumble away, I jarred myself from my trancelike state and pulled away. “Rocky, what’s wrong?”

Her cheeks paled. “I…”

The music cut and speakers squealed with the DJ’s annoying voice. “Time for the countdown everyone! Ten, nine, eight…”

Shaking my head, I ignored the outbursts surrounding me. There was only one thing that deserved my attention, and she was gnawing nervously on her bottom lip. “Rocky, what’s wrong?”

“ONE!”

Shyly, Rocky lifted her face and whispered, “Happy New Year.”

Did they light fireworks indoors? No, it couldn’t be.

It wasn’t.

My insides burst open once Rocky’s soft lips pressed against mine. After a night of fantasizing, yearning, and lusting for her, I easily surrendered to her touch. Unfortunately, reality’s ugly face was once again waiting to pounce.

I’ll be leaving Bethel Falls again.

What the fuck was I doing? Did I really think one night would change anything? I’d be leaving Rocky behind again and then what? It wouldn’t be long until we’d find ourselves miles apart leading two separate lives again. As much as I wanted Rocky—as much as I wanted everything she wanted—I couldn’t desert her again. Stephanie was right, I’d only hurt her again. Well, history was not about to repeat itself. This time I knew that I loved her enough to finally let her go for good.

This has gone too far, Jesse. You should never have come back.

I loosened her hands from my neck and stepped away from her, feeling a sudden shock of sadness without her lips on mine. It really had gone too far. I was just like my mother—selfish beyond belief.

“Um, Rocky? I, uh…” What could I say to her? There was no way she’d understand and definitely no way she’d want to hear my reasoning. Feeling lost, I found myself heading toward the exit, leaving her on the dance floor. It wasn’t until I felt the cool winter air on my face that I realized the magnitude of what I just did.

I’d already gone and left her behind.

Chapter 20

“What the heck did I just do?” I punched my steering wheel, blasting the horn. The high pitched scream cut through the silent night, startling a couple playing tonsil hockey next to my car. They jumped about five feet and began yelling obscenities at me. Not in the mood, I shouted back, “Get a room!”

Muttering my own curse words under my breath, I began my trek home. Though my house wasn’t too far from the strip, it felt as if the journey home lasted a whole day. My thoughts jumped around erratically as I replayed the night’s events in my mind.

I got what I wanted, right? Rocky liked me back. Her feelings never went away after all. Plus, Ethan was definitely not on her mind. So what? What good would it be? We’d only end up messing each other’s lives once again.

“Ugh! I wish I had someone to talk to!” I gritted my teeth, entering my house. My mother’s coughs greeted me, but judging by the lack of crass remarks I figured she was asleep. Trudging to my room, I pulled out my phone and skimmed through the contacts, feeling more and more deflated when I realized I had no real friends I could call to vent or even wish a Happy New Year.

It wasn’t as if I hadn’t met any new people in Charleston. However, having grown used to people pushing me away, I always kept my new friends at arm’s length. Besides, every new friendship I made seemed a bit thin and artificial. None of them held the weight I ever felt with my high school buds. Therein lay my problem.

Sighing, I sucked it up and called the one person I knew would listen to my stupid problems. Swiping the screen, I pressed my thumb against his name, which was incidentally the only contact in my ‘Favorites.’ He answered in one ring.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Happy New Year!” He struggled to shout above the laughter, squeals of delight, and chatter behind him.

That’s right. Tyler’s Tavern was hosting an NYE party. How did I even forget?

I swallowed and took a breath. “Happy New Year.”

There was a slight pause followed by the sound of a closing door. Dad must have locked himself in the janitor’s closet or bathroom, considering we had no other private rooms in the establishment.

“What’s wrong?” Dad asked in a worried tone. “Is your mom…Are you locked up…Is everyone okay?”

I smirked, feeling unjustifiably irritated. “She’s fine and no, I’m not in jail. Seriously, Dad?”

He sighed and replied in a sheepish tone. “Old habits die hard. It is one of the most alcohol-fueled nights of the year.”

My eyes darkened. “Well, that habit of mine died almost four years ago.”

“Since I doubt you’re calling your old man just to wish me Happy New Year, would you care to tell me what happened?”

I scratched my head, trying to gather my thoughts. Despite our improved relationship, discussing sex, girls, and love still seemed unbearably awkward. “I…uh…um…do you remember Rocky?”

“Rocky…” His voice trailed off. “Oh, you mean Raquel Rossi?”

I nodded, which was stupid seeing as we were speaking on the phone. “Uh…I…she…”

“What did you do to her?” He sounded exhausted.

“Really?” I snorted. “What makes you think I did anything to her? Do you really think that low of me?”

“You can’t really blame me for figuring that history had once again repeated itself.”

“Well, it hasn’t,” I snapped in annoyance.

“Okay…so what happened?”

“She kissed me.”

Silence.

After a few seconds, I called out, “Dad? You still there?”

He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I was just trying to think of an appropriate, fatherly reply.”

“Well, hate to break it to you, but my life was full of inappropriateness, so by all means say whatever you want.”

“Okay, to put it bluntly—why is it a bad thing? Thought young men your age would love to have a pretty girl to celebrate the holiday with.”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“Guess not…”

“Dad, we both know I’ll be going back there. My whole life is now in Charleston. Why lead her on if I’m just going to leave her again?”

“And leaving is bad because?” he wondered.

“Gee, of course you’d ask a question like that. Leaving was always easy for you,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I cringed, waiting for his reaction, which surprisingly wasn’t that bad.

“Listen, son. What I meant to say is that if things—relationships—are meant to work out they will. Obviously, I tried hard to make my marriage with your mother work, and do you know why?”

I crossed my arms and groaned in exasperation. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“Because it wasn’t meant to be. I know I’ve given you some pretty shitty advice in the past―”

“Yeah you have.”

“—but what if you’re back in Bethel Falls for a reason? What if you’ve grown up enough to finally make it work? You remember what I said back then, right?”

I nodded. “Of course. You said Rocky was a bad influence.”

“No, I didn’t mean—ugh, forget it.”

Though I had a barrage of rebuttals, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

“Take me, for example. With Teresa it’s different. It’s easy. That’s how it is supposed to be. Seeing as how you’ve only been there for two weeks and already you and Rocky are making waves, maybe…”

“Maybe what?” I muttered.

“Maybe she’s your easy. Long distance relationships can work, son. Moving back to Charleston really isn’t the worst problem you can have.”