“But you didn’t need a job. You had one here.”

Come on, Rocky. Throw me a bone here. Don’t you see what I’m trying to tell you?

“But I needed to see you. Let me rephrase that—I needed an excuse so you’d have to see me.”

“So why did you ignore me for the first few days you were there? Why did you act like I was some sort of pariah?”

Years ago I wouldn’t be able to answer that question honestly. I would have been afraid to chip away at the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ persona that I had worked so hard to maintain. It was the only way to stop myself from being picked on or bullied. As an adult I realized that same persona was the reason why I missed out on so many things.

I rubbed my hands down my face and took an exasperated breath. “Like I said, I was nervous. I didn’t know what you thought of me and that nervousness was justified the moment I saw you for the first time. You looked as if you were horrified to see me.”

She blinked wildly. “No, I wasn’t! I was…”

“What?”

“Nervous too,” she just about whispered.

My eyes widened and I burst into laughter. “Well, if I had known that it certainly would have made my life easier.”

The small smile on her face quickly vanished. “You would have known me if you never shut me out.”

“Rocky—”

“No, let me finish. If you were so afraid of me triggering you and bringing you back down, what was the deal with you trying to make me bad? What was the deal with messing with me?”

My face twisted in agony. “I guess…I guess…”

“Enough with all the secrets, Jesse.” She snapped two fingers in the air, the corners of her mouth pulled down in a frown. “You aren’t the only one who grew into their big boy pants. If you have something to say to me, just say it. This isn’t some stupid art critic tearing me down; it’s my best friend confusing me. I need some clarification before I go crazy.”

I pulled at my hair as if to coax me along a beaten path, which is exactly what I felt like—a battered horse trying to hobble my way back to safety. “I guess I wanted to reconnect with you so bad that at that point I didn’t care anymore, okay? I wanted so much to feel what we used to have that I figured if, that even for a bit, we reverted back to what we used to be, things would be good between us. And…”

“Yes?”

My vision darkened at the edges. Being honest wasn’t always my strong suit. “When your dad gave me the job he made me promise not to drag you down again. He told me you were a good girl and remained one after I left. I guess it took that moment to realize I was the one who suckered you into all the trouble we got into. In some stupid corner of my mind I thought that maybe if I proved you did have that bad girl in you all along then I wasn’t so bad after all. I wasn’t the only one to blame.”

“Well, that’s kinda selfish.”

“What was I supposed to do, Rocky?” I demanded.

“I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t have thrown genitalia at my face?” she hissed back.

I glanced around horrified, certain that one of my prep cooks or dishwashers overheard her. “Can you keep it down? You do realize we’re at my job, right?”

“Like those rubber dildos weren’t showcased around mine?” She rolled her eyes and sneered. “Stop throwing double standards at me.”

I sighed, eyeing a cook who was obviously eavesdropping. “I’m sorry. I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”

“Funny, I remember saying that same line to somebody and not being believed.”

“About that…”

“Can we not talk about it right now?” she cut me off. “Can we just focus on why you were messing with me?”

I still couldn’t believe that she didn’t get it, though I really couldn’t blame her for still being pissed at the whole sex toy debacle. “Because we had fun! Because it felt like old times! Because even though you acted horrified I saw the hint of happiness in your eye each time we busted each other’s chops. You liked it as much as I did. You looked happier than you ever did when Ethan was around.” I gulped, needing to ask the one question jumping into the forefront of my brain. I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer, but like water to a thirsty man I needed it badly. “Do you love him?”

She stared back at me stunned. “What?”

“Do you love him?”

She flinched. “I don’t know. It’s a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”

I knew I was pressing my luck, but I needed to call it as I saw it. “You know he’s not good for you, right?”

“Why not?”

Was she being serious right now?

“Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been telling you?” I waited for a response, but when I didn’t receive one I groaned in exasperation. “Fine. Do you want a tour?”

“Wait, what?” She looked at me as if I had grown two heads.

“Of my restaurant. This conversation is a bit heavy. I think we need a break.”

Chapter 28

I wasn’t sure if fate was throwing me a bone or somehow still fucking me over, but somehow in the few minutes we walked around the restaurant a huge snowstorm hit Bethel Falls and when I say huge, picture the abominable snowman taking refuge from Jack Frost. It was that horrible.

As I fought an internal battle between hormones, fear, happiness, and outright shock at the prospect that Rocky would have to sleep over at my apartment, she stared blissfully at the sketch hanging toward the back of my restaurant. It was the picture—her picture—that I stole from the art department. I hung the sketch in my restaurant not only because it reminded me of Rocky, but also because it reminded me not to be so reckless. Sometimes doing things to impress someone else could backfire on you. Impulsivity control wasn’t always my strong suit and this picture reminded me of that. Ironically, I was now faced with what had to be the biggest test of my impulsivity. Rocky would be staying at my place…I needed to be careful.

“You ready?”

“For what?” She quickly looked away from the sketch, her head snapping in my direction like a rubber band.

“I guess my restaurant isn’t the only thing we’ll be touring tonight,” I had the audacity to joke. “Let’s get some pizza and head over to my apartment.”

“Your apartment,” she repeated in a blank tone.

“Are you my echo?” I strained to keep the smile on my face, but I was nervous as hell. Rocky didn’t say anything more and abruptly turned toward the door.

Shit. Tonight was gonna be some test.

***

Do you know those moments in life when the air around you feels so thick in awkwardness that you could almost cut through the tension with a butter knife? Those moments don’t hold a pickle to our “cozy pizza dinner.”

I took my time, biting into each piece slowly and carefully, acting as if I were savoring every morsel of pepperoni. I was stalling, trying hard to distract myself from a subject that was bound to come up—sleeping arrangements. I wasn’t stupid. I knew Rocky probably wanted nothing to do with me at this point. I’ve pulled her through the ringer, playing with her mind and emotions since high school. Yet I was a man, and as a man I could not help the visceral reaction that catapulted inside of me every time I looked into those big brown eyes of her.

In another world I’d be looking into those eyes while her legs were wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck. I’d lean forward and press kisses against her clavicles, working my way down to her breasts and then further to…

Fuck! What was I doing?

Throat suddenly feeling parched, I practically shouted, “Did you want something else to drink?”

“I’m sorry?” Rocky jumped. Shit. Of course I’d startle her.

Racking my brain for a response, I heard myself say, “I only have water here. I forgot to ask if you wanted a beer or something.”