“Is it just with Christopher and Maddie, or do you think it would work if you watched porn?”

He shakes his head adamantly. “Not porn, that would be the same as watching a slave being fucked.” His harsh words make me cringe a little. It’s seldom Jack talks like that and I don’t like it. It’s bitter and hateful and I don’t want him to feel those feelings. “Christopher and Maddie have something and it shows when they’re together,” he murmurs.

“They love each other, Jack. That’s the difference,” I finally get what he’s trying to figure out. Jack has never seen love! My heart reaches out to this beautiful man who has suffered so much.

His eyes meet mine and I can see the look of wonder blossoming on his face. “Love,” he whispers, “so that’s what it looks like?”

I smile and nod. “Yeah, Jack. But there are all kinds of love. Christopher and Maddie love each other the way a couple would. Miss Ella loves us all as if we were her children. I love Adam, because he’s my best friend.”

“Do you love me?” His question is so innocent that it tugs at my heartstrings.

“Yes, Jack. I love you.”

“Like you love Adam?”

Jack is the most inquisitive person ever! Heat creeps up my neck as I whisper, “No, not like I love Adam. I love every person in my life differently. I love our nights together and the time we spend on lessons. I love watching you work and seeing you find yourself. I just love you, Jack. There’s no category for you because you’re special to me.”

His hand comes to my cheek and he gently brushes the tips of his fingers down to the line of my jaw.

Tiny tingles jump from his fingers to my skin, making me highly aware of his body.

Jack leans into me and then his lips are on mine. At first I’m too shocked to stop him. Then the kiss grows more intense. He must have learned a lot from watching Christopher and Maddie, because he’s not kissing like it’s his first time.

Jack covers me with his body and I feel him grow hard against my thigh. I quickly yank away and then scramble out from under him. I fall off the bed, but quickly get up. My hands flutter everywhere, straightening my clothes.

Jack sits on the bed looking confused. Well, that makes two of us. I touch my fingertips to my lips, still stunned by what just happened.

Jack looks down at his tented boxers and his confusion quickly turns to wonder.

“That can never happen again!” I walk to the door but before I leave I whisper, “I think it’s better if you sleep in your own bed from now on.”

Jack is still too raw to know any better. I should have seen it coming! I’m such a fool.

I walk out onto the patio and lean against the wooden railing. I stare blankly into the night trying to gather my confused thoughts.

“What’s nipping at your heals?” Adam suddenly says from the dark corner.

I go to where he is and sit down. “Jack kissed me.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Yes, it’s bad! He’s still healing. I don’t want to take advantage of him.”

“How are you taking advantage of him if he kissed you?”

“He doesn’t know any better and I do.”

“So if I were to kiss Sophia that would be wrong?”

I glance at him, worried where he’s going with this conversation. “Are you telling me or asking me, Adam.”

He sighs heavily and then says, “I suppose I’m asking you.”

“I don’t know.” My whole body slumps back against the chair. “Honestly, I don’t know. You and Sophia are a different story. Sophia is different from Jack. I’m different from you.”

“That’s not an answer, River!”

“Because, there is no right answer!” I jump up again, feeling antsy.

“There is always an answer, it just might not be what you want to hear,” Adams says in a low tone that makes his voice rumble. When he uses that tone on me I know he’s about to get serious.

I turn back to Adam. “Then tell me the answer!”

He gets up and comes to stand in front of me. “It’s not wrong for two people to enjoy each other if they both want to. I think you want Jack to kiss you, but you’re scared.”

Anger bubbles up inside of me, hot and fast. “I’m not scared of Jack! He will never hurt me.”

“I didn’t say you were scared of Jack. You’re scared of what he means to you.”

I frown, not following Adam at all.

He shoves a hand through his hair and then his grey eyes pin mine. “You want to kiss him. You want to be with him, but then you’ll have to admit that your whole life has been a lie. You say you hate sex and I understand where you’re coming from with that, but I think you’re hiding behind your past and refusing sex because you’re scared you’ll turn out to be just like your father.”

I only realize I’ve slapped Adam when his head turns to the side and the sharp sound penetrates the rage in me.

His face is carved of stone when his eyes meet mine. “Don’t ever hit me again.” He walks away leaving me with my fast growing guilt.

How can things go wrong so fast?

I flee down to the river, needing the calm of nature around me. Is Adam right? Am I scared that I’ll turn out like my father?

~*~

I spend the morning with the girls, picking fruit. I tell myself it’s to make sure they’re all okay after Beverly’s sudden departure.

Okay, fine! So I’m hiding. So I’m a coward.

“River, those aren’t ripe yet,” Jamie says, and she takes the rock hard pear from me. “Are you worried about what happened yesterday?”

She looks really concerned so I force a smile to my face. “No, Lovely. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well.”

“Go back to the house.” She gives me a quick hug. “We’ll be okay without Beverly, it’s not like she actually worked.”

“Why didn’t you tell me she wasn’t working?” Have I been so caught up in Jack that I’ve failed to see what was happening under my own nose?

“She wasn’t hurting anyone by not working. I love it here, River. I didn’t want to upset anyone, so I let it go. But, yesterday … she shouldn’t have done that.”

“You were right to tell me. I want everyone to feel safe here.”

I give Jamie another hug and then walk in the direction of the house. I’ll go see what Miss Ella is cooking. Maybe I can help her and Sophia.

When I walk into the kitchen I find Miss Ella, Sophia and Jack sitting at the table and eating pie.

They don’t see me and I take the opportunity to look at Jack. His scars have healed nicely. The remaining ones only make him look rugged and handsome.

“Miss Ella,” Jack says with that innocent tone which means he’s about to ask a big question. “What is love?”

I place my hand over my aching heart. He’s so confused and I only made it worse.

“Son,” Miss Ella pats her mouth with a napkin and then looks him square in the eye. “Love is like a car accident.” I pull a face. That’s not what I’d compare it to. I listen as she continues to share her wisdom. “It hits you hard and out of the blue. By the time you realize that you’re in love it’s too late to run for the hills. When it’s done with your poor heart; you’re either in a world of pain, or you’re one of the lucky ones who has a great story to tell. Love will either break you or make you.”

Jack stares at her with wide eyes. I think she’s just managed to kill the idea of love for him.

I walk closer and take a seat with them. “What Miss Ella is trying to say is that love can hurt if it’s not returned by the other person, and love can be a beautiful thing if both parties feel the same way.”

Jack’s eyes are filled with accusations as he says, “You said you love me.”

I can feel Miss Ella and Sophia’s eyes swing from me to Jack, as if they’re watching a tennis match.

“I do love you, Jack. I -”

Jack stands up and resting his hands on the table, he towers over us all. “Then it should be a beautiful thing! You just said so yourself!” He stalks to the backdoor and then without looking back he says, “You made me feel humiliated last night. You said I should kiss the girl who gives me butterflies and makes my heart beat faster. You said it would be special then, but you lied.”