I cover my mouth as Jack walks away. What have I done?

~*~

I can feel Miss Ella staring at me. Sophia went after Jack because I am too much of a coward.

“The boy loves you,” Miss Ella says in her take-no-nonsense way.

“He doesn’t know what love is!” I get up and start to pace the floor.

“That boy knows more about love than you do!” She gets up to stir whatever she has cooking and then angrily wipes her hands on the apron she’s always wearing. “I’ve been down to the chapel. I’ve seen how pretty he’s made it.” She throws her arms wide, her cheeks flushing with anger. “Look at all the beauty he creates! Only a man who knows about love can do all of that.”

She walks over to me and lays a soft hand on my cheek. “Child, a one sided love is a destructive thing. It breeds anger and jealousy. You love the boy and he loves you. Let the past be the past and go to that boy before it’s too late.”

Miss Ella is right. She’s always right.

Am I using my past as an excuse to hide behind, just like Adam said?

I don’t have the guts to face Jack yet, so I go hide in the office pretending to do books the whole day long.

I’m like an ostrich, thinking if I can stick my head in the sand all the problems will go away.

Yeah, right.

~*~

I know I’ll find Adam at his place after dinner. I knock softly and wait for him to answer the door.

Instead Sophia opens the door. For a minute I can only stare, before I finally ask, “Is Adam here?”

“Yes, he’s just taking a shower. Come in,” she says all friendly and happy.

I follow her to the kitchen and watch as she’s finishing up two cups of coffee. “Would you like some?” she asks politely.

I take a hard look at her. She’s changed a lot over the past month. She’s become more human and less robotic. She’s alive and not just existing.

“No, thank you,” I say with a smile. “You look good, Sophia.”

She blushes and looks in the direction of the closed bedroom door. “Adam is good to me. He’s teaching me what’s right and what’s wrong.”

“I’m so happy for you.”

The bedroom door opens and Adam comes out, dressed in only a pair of sweats. His eyes jump from me to Sophia, and then he asks, “Is there something you needed?”

I shake my head and quickly apologize, “I’m sorry for slapping you the other night. You were right and I just didn’t want to hear it. I’m so very sorry, Adam.”

His face softens and he walks over to me. He hugs me hard and I sink into him, so happy that he’s forgiving me. That’s one thing about Adam, he doesn’t cling to his anger.

He pulls back and cups my cheek. “You deserve to be happy, and so does Jack.”

I kiss his cheek, knowing that he’s once again right. “Thank you for always being there to point me in the right direction.”

“Always, that’s what friends are for.”

I leave them so they can have their coffee. Tomorrow I’ll talk with Jack and hopefully we’ll be able to put this all behind us.

~*~

Chapter Fifteen

Jack~

I was shocked when I got hard the other night. It felt foreign, but also good. River felt so soft beneath me, not hard and demanding like the women and men who have used me over the years.

Even though I’m angry with her, I can’t stop thinking about her.

For the past two nights I’ve woken up rock hard. Last night I tried to make myself come, but I just couldn’t reach climax. I’m so frustrated with myself! The one time I do want to come I can’t!

I throw the wire and wire cutter to the side. I stare at the tiny branch that I’ve just hurt by wiring it too tightly. It’s going to leave a scar!

I sit back, flat on my ass and then gently take the wire off the branch. I place the baby bonsai on my lap and my heart feels heavy as I stare at the wounded branch. It didn’t deserve to be hurt like that! I’ll leave it to heal before I wire it again.

I hear gravel crunching behind me and look over my shoulder. I’m surprised to see River walking towards me. I haven’t seen her in days, not even for my lessons or dinner. Miss Ella took over teaching me words. Last night she taught me how to spell my name and last name. She also showed me how to write a two and a seven, because that’s how old I am. She says everybody should be able to write their name and age.

“Hey, Jack, what are you busy with?” I can hear the false cheerfulness in her voice.

“Why do you care?” I snap. She hurt me. She was the one person I opened up to and she threw it back in my face.

In some ways it hurt more than what David did to me. I failed David by not fighting harder for him, for letting Cameron get his hooks into him. But, River told me that she would keep me safe. Everything she’s ever said to me has been contradicted by her actions.

She kneels down next to me and looks at the bonsai on my lap. “I do care,” she whispers. “What I did to you was wrong, but it’s because I was scared.”

I glance at her. “You’re scared of me?”

She shakes her head and picks up the piece of wire I just threw on the ground. She twirls it between her fingers and then whispers, “I’m scared that I’ll become my father. I’m scared I’ll lose myself, this person I’ve fought so hard to be and that I’ll hurt people the way he did.”

I put the bonsai tree in the shade and then take River’s hand. I take the wire from her fingers and throw it back on the ground. “Cameron was the only father I’ve ever known. I was nine when he placed me with the other slaves. I could easily have given in and let them break me, but I didn’t. I knew I was nothing like Cameron and the other slaves. I held onto the hope that I’d be free one day. Your father might be a monster but that’s not who you are. We have our own souls and we choose who we want to be.”

She looks at me with wide eyes, “Do you really believe that?”

I get up and then hold my hand out to her. She places her hand in mine and my fingers wrap around hers, and then I pull her up. “Yes, I do. We can’t let the past define us otherwise I’ll be nothing but a fuck and you’ll be nothing more than the daughter of a monster. We aren’t those things. I’m just a man who loves to see things grow and you’re just a woman who loves to help people.”

The corner of her mouth lifts in half a smile and she shoves her hands in the back pockets of her shorts.

I decide to say what’s been eating away at me and to just get it off my chest. “River, for some reason you think I’m a child, and I know this because you treat me like one. Just because I can’t write or read it doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Just because I like to keep to myself and don’t interact with the others, it doesn’t mean I’m damaged – and just because I’ve fallen in love with you, it doesn’t mean you can hurt me. If I’ve learned anything it’s that you don’t hurt those you love, so don’t tell me you love me and then turn around and hurt me. That’s wrong.”

She looks down at her feet and whispers, “I’m really sorry, Jack. It all just happened so fast. I was confused and scared.”

I take a step closer to her and lower my head until my lips brush against her ear. “I’m confused and scared too. I know it’s all happening too fast, but I can’t pretend anymore. All my life I’ve been pretending and I refuse to live a lie now that I’m finally free.”

“I don’t want you to pretend.” She looks up and our faces are so close that I can feel her warm breath on my chin.

“What do you want, River?” I close my eyes, hoping she says that she wants me.

I feel her lips brush softly against mine, and then she whispers, “I want you, but I want to take it slow. This is all very new to me.”

I open my eyes and smile at her. “Does that mean I can sleep with you again?”

She lets out a soft chuckle. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”