The show went extremely well. The audience had a contagious energy and I felt more comfortable on stage than I had in years. Mike hadn’t shown up, but when I walked into the wings after my set was over, Sam handed me a Gatorade and a towel.

“Courtesy of Carson,” he said with a smile.

Lia appeared out of nowhere as the band filed off the stage. “You really want to do this?”

I nodded. “I really do.”

She smiled, nodding to a roadie who then picked up a stool and carried it to center stage. Another handed me my guitar. “Go break a leg.”

The crowd continued to holler until I sat on the stool and the backlights came on. I waited for a few straggler screamers to finish before I started to talk.

“For those of you who have been to one of my concerts before, you know that Nate usually comes on stage with me and sings a few songs.” More screams and ear-splitting whistles. “But tonight, I’m doing something different.”

I swallowed, adjusting my guitar, knowing the hard part was coming. “Everyone has a first love. Sometimes you cling to it and compare everyone else to that person. Other times, you don’t even realize how important that person is until it’s too late.” I lapped my lips, hoping I wasn’t going to mess this up.

“That’s what happened to me. I found out this morning that my first love, the one person who was always there for me when I was younger, has moved on from this world.” The collective sound of sadness from the audience gave me encouragement to finish. “He was an amazing man, with a giant heart. The world lost a good soul.”

I plucked a few chords, trying to decide what to say next. “I wrote this song for him earlier today. I apologize, because it’s a little rough. But I need to share it with you all.”

Nothing else needed to be said, so I instead launched into the melody.

“How can I say goodbye when we’ve barely said hello?

It seems Father Time has robbed us, before our friendship had time to grow.

There are many parts of you that I’ll take with me,

Long after your body has been laid to rest.

Your smile, your laugh, the mischievous twinkle in your eye,

The memories I’ll carry forever are the best.

I never got to tell you how much you really meant to me.

Or that I was sorry for never being the person you thought that I could be.

I’ll love you forever, don’t you see?

Your body may be dead, but your spirit is still here with me.

You were my savior when I needed one the most.

No matter where you were, or what the time of night.

The one person I could always count on,

Because with you, hope was never out of sight.

How many times did you pick me up,

After my body or pride took a nasty fall?

Now that you are gone, how can I repay you for it all?

I never got to tell you how much you really meant to me.

Or say that I was sorry for never being the person you wanted me to be.

I’ll love you forever, don’t you see?

Your body may be dead, but your spirit will always be right here with me.

How can I say goodbye when I know we’ll meet again?

Fortunately, my great memories will keep me,

And I know you’ll be watching over me until then.

I never got to tell you how much you really meant to me.

But I promise you from now on, I’ll be the person you knew that I could be.

I’ll love you forever, don’t you see?

Your body may be dead, but your spirit lives in me.

When I strummed the last note, the lights went out. God bless Lia. I had barely kept it together, and in the darkness, I let the tears fall. It took me a second to realize the entire theater was quiet—there wasn’t even any noise coming from backstage. It was an eerie feeling. I knew I wasn’t alone, but in the dark quiet, my senses had trouble computing that fact.

I realized too late that they must have hated it. I was too close to the subject matter, and I should have played it for Lia before I tried to play it for a crowd. I’d wanted the song to honor my feelings for Kevin, to honor him. If everyone hated it, though, that didn’t accomplish anything.

Then, as if on cue, they erupted. The applause was like thunder, the screams the loudest ones I’d heard. Smiling through my tears, I stood and carried my guitar off stage. Nate pulled me in for a hug before I’d made it into the wing.

“That was beautiful, Mols. I’ve been lost in my own shit, and haven’t been a very good friend lately. That stops now.”

I shook my head. Nothing could be further from the truth. I looked over his shoulder, not seeing the one person I wanted to see. “We’ll catch up soon, just you and me, okay?” We hadn’t had an us day since he’d gotten married, but that was simply because I hadn’t wanted photographers to see us alone. Now I didn’t care. Life was too damn short.

Nate pushed me back slightly, his eyes roaming my face. “Yeah? And the paparazzi?”

“Fuck ‘em.”

He grinned, nodding. “There’s my girl. I’ve fucking missed you, Mols.”

He yanked me back in for a quick hug, but I pushed him away. “Go give ‘em hell.”

“Always.” He took two steps toward the stage before he stopped, spinning on his heel. “I love you, Molly.”

“I love you, too.”

I watched him run on stage and then turned to Sam, who was now scowling. “Didn’t like the song?”

He only held a finger up to me, as if I’d interrupted, and it took me a second to realize someone was talking to him on the radio. He barked an order into his wrist, telling someone he’d be right there. Then he turned to me, put his hand on the small of my back, and steered me away from the crowds.

“Have you seen Mike?” I asked him as he hurried me along.

He shook his head, barking more orders to “wait a goddamn fucking second,” and “he’s on the list, keep him there!” and I knew this was not the time to talk to Sam. When we got to my dressing room, he opened the door and ushered me inside.

“Listen,” he crossed his telephone pole sized arms over his rock hard chest and looked down at me. “There’s a situation.” His words caused me to stiffen, worry creeping up my spine, but he shook his head. “Nothing for you to worry about, darlin’, my guys have it all under control. But I need to go for a few minutes. I’m sending someone up to stand at the door, in the meantime, I need you to promise you won’t leave.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going anywhere, Sam. I swear to you, after the day I’ve had, I just want to sit here and chill.”

He watched me closely, trying to decide if I was being honest. Then he nodded. “You leave, you deal with me. Got it?”

“I’m still waiting for Mike to be pissed about this morning.” Was that really only a few hours ago? “No offense, big guy, but he’s scarier than you are.”

Sam’s face softened. Just slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, he is.” He turned and grabbed the door handle, pointing at me. “Stay put.” Then he was gone, the door clicking behind him.

I was tired, exhausted really, but it had been a great show and I was coasting on the high. Only one thing could make this night better. I missed my Mike.

I grabbed my cell off the table, ready to call him, when the bathroom door opened. I turned, ready to tell him what a great surprise it was, when I came face to face with a man that was most definitely not my Mike. But I knew this man. I wracked my brain, trying to place him.

Then it clicked. This was the valet. The sketchy guy from Ohio? Pennsylvania? They all merged together. It didn’t matter where I knew him from, only that he was here, in my dressing room. Alone with me. He’d scared me then. He scared me now.