Far more relaxed post speech, he leant forward and kissed me. “Thanks, babe.”

A few hours later and the party started to wind up. My mother stood up and gave a heartfelt speech about the important work her foundation was doing and how much she appreciated the ongoing support of her guests. She dedicated herself to charity work, and it would be selfish of me to begrudge it. If it weren’t for the distraction it gave her, she would have nothing else to focus on other than making me a society princess.

Guests were informed of their accommodation arrangements and soon, they had all retired to their various villas.

“Well, I’m about ready to turn in. We’re staying in the main homestead in a king suite. Shall we?” Richard asked, holding out his hand.

“I’ll meet you in the room in a little while.”

“Juliette,” he said, looking skyward before his eyes met mine. “Is there something going on with you? I know we don’t spend enough time together, but that will come down the track. I’m working hard now for our future, and all these people are a part of my success. Plus, you know how much these events mean to your mother, and I would’ve thought you’d show a little more interest.”

Ouch. The emotional blows were never far away from any conversation with both Richard and my mother.

Defeated and tired, I gave in as usual. “I’m sorry.” I cupped his face with my right hand and placed my left hand on his waist. “Work’s been really busy lately and I’ve been a little distracted.”

“You’re a secretary, Juliette.” He looked down at me with pity in his eyes. “You’re not saving the world.”

I knew I wasn’t saving the world, but neither was he. I hated the way he put down my job at any opportunity.

“How about we go to our room now and worry about the future tomorrow?” I was such a coward.

He didn’t say anything further, but he nodded his head and smiled briefly.

As we walked back up the steps and along the veranda to the homestead entrance, I felt eyes watching me. I glanced to my right, and my breath hitched when I saw Leo. He was helping pack up but had stopped when we walked by. I tried to smile, but it felt awkward and contrived. Lust was not in the stars for me, and the sooner I forgot about him the better. His icy stare was back, so I quickly turned away.

Up in our room, Richard took the first shower while I brushed my teeth and laid out my cotton pyjama set on the bed. It was a beautiful room, tastefully decorated primarily in white with muted grey accents. It was clean, fresh and minimalist. The fit-out was modern and sleek but managed to be warm and comfortable at the same time. I stripped my clothes off onto the bathroom floor and stepped past him into the hot water. He didn’t give me a second glance, and right then I found that deeply depressing. The bigger issue was that I suddenly wanted to be slammed up against the tiles in a rush of passion, just not by him.

When I finished up in the shower, I got dressed and climbed in bed. Richard smiled at me and turned the bedside lamp off. I lay stiffly with my arms clamped to my sides.

“Do you want to?” Richard whispered.

“Do you?” I whispered back.

“It’s been a long day. Do you mind if we just go to sleep?”

Part of me was relieved, but the rest of me felt rejected and lonely. The battle to stay present in this relationship was growing harder and harder. Sex had never been our strong suit, but a physical connection, however weak, made you feel like you weren’t just part-time flatmates.

“Goodnight, Richard.”

“Goodnight, Juliette.”

When he started snoring lightly less than a minute later, I allowed my mind to fill up with images of a certain fighter come bartender. Every fibre of my being wanted to know him more intimately. Locked away in the safety of my tormented mind, in a moonlit room in the Yarra Valley surrounded by grapevines showing first signs of new life, it felt like I cheated on Richard for the first time. When I touched myself, I imagined it was Leo’s hands on my body. When I brought myself to climax, I imagined it was Leo deep inside me. When a small groan escaped my lips, I imagined Leo’s mouth muffling the sound with his passionate kiss. It was the most erotic experience I’d ever had, and when it was over, my shame and my loneliness found new depths.

I woke up in the morning completely alone. I had no idea where Richard was, and I didn’t care. I just didn’t care. I felt exhausted and depressed by my darkening thoughts. A long shower helped to wash away my fatigue, and I dressed and packed up quickly. I looked around the homestead half-heartedly for either my mother or Richard but gave up, quietly relieved. They were probably having breakfast together, discussing the success of the event and his riveting speech. I rolled my eyes in their honour.

Chapter Eleven

Leo

I woke up the next morning in Bea and Angus’s spare room, still thinking about Juliette. Why couldn’t I get that crazy, complicated woman out of my fucking head?

When the function had wrapped up, she and Dick were the last to leave. She’d shivered when our eyes met. If she was cold, the arsehole hadn’t given her his coat. Or perhaps I had an effect on her too. Either way, she’d been about to go to bed with Dick, a man she appeared to barely tolerate. I didn’t know her and for all I knew, she was happy with him. He clearly had money and social standing, and perhaps she wanted the lifestyle that went hand in hand in these circles. Perhaps I’d read her all wrong. To me, she was like a wild animal pacing her cage, looking for a weak place to break free. With a thousand warring thoughts rushing through my mind, I’d given her nothing. No smile. No wave. Nothing. And then she was gone.

I needed to clear my mind and run, so I got dressed then slipped out the side door and took off. My legs carried me faster and faster, dulling my brain until the burning sensations were all I had to focus on. I headed uphill to the Anglican Church, built in the early 1900s. There was a narrow dirt track that ran along the church boundary and the cemetery behind. I didn’t look sideways, instead focusing on the road ahead.

When I reached the old wooden bridge crossing the upper Yarra River, I slowed down to a walk. The sun was warm, but I hadn’t run far enough to break a sweat. I couldn’t wipe Juliette from my mind. Images of her in black flicked through my mind as quickly as ones of her in white lace. It wasn’t just her changing appearance that had confused me. At fight night, she’d looked like she might take on the world, and last night she’d looked like she had the weight of the world on her slender shoulders. Shaking my head, I took off again, determined to replace confusion with exhaustion.

The path back to Bea’s would take me past my old family home. As I got closer, I was shocked to see a red Mini parked on the grass verge. It was the exact type of car Juliette had driven. A cold dread settled over me when I noticed the front gate, hanging from one hinge, had been pushed open. I walked tentatively down the path and made a full perimeter of the house, glancing with increased anxiety around the overgrown garden.

“Hello,” I called out when I got back to the front door. No answer. “Hello,” I repeated, louder this time. Nothing.

Baxter, the neighbour’s cat, slinked his way out of the house, alerting me to the slightly ajar front door. I stood at the opening and called out into the house. As I pushed gently, the door swung the rest of the way open, and I stood on the threshold of my childhood home. It all felt so wrong, and I was pretty sure at that point I would never be ready to face these demons. What was once the centre of my world was now a place I couldn’t bear.

I stood at the door and reached down to pat the cat that had started to wind himself around my legs, purring. I pushed the door open. Surely no one would go inside uninvited.