(I can't do this...)

Destin clutches the can and lets out a deep sigh, tears dripping on to it. “I knew this would be hard, but um...Just know, I don't think there was anything more noble to die for. You saved her. You protected us. Now take a minute and just rest baby bro'.”

His double tap echoes so loudly I think it's gonna burst my ear drums. I take the can, grip so shaky, I fear I'm going to drop him. Destin gives my back a soothing rub.

Shutting my eyes I say, “You owe me a wedding.” There's a little chuckle from the crowd and for just a moment I feel like I might make it. “I just want you to know I loved you in life and I'll love you in death. I'll never love anyone else. You created miracles in my world and if you wanna create me one more and hop out of this can, I swear I'll never ask for another...” A deep sigh comes out of me as I open my eyes to stare at the remains. “I love you. All of you. The McCoy. Ghost. And most importantly Merrick. The one only I got to see. Keep an eye out on me.”

With a double tap I pass it to Hayli and fiddle with my engagement ring.

(Started wearing it the second I got home. Please don't say a minute too late. I don't need to hear that.)

“I should kick your ass for making me strut in heels in the dirt twice in less than a month.” She smirks. “But you made my best friend happy and brought a new sense of adventure to us, so you get a pass. But just one. Tell Ben my shoes still look amazing.”

After her double tap, Nadie takes the can and looks at me. I nod to encourage her, which is when she says, “I didn't know you as well as everyone else here, but you changed my Jo for the better and anyone who can do that deserves love from me. Bless you, Merrick McCoy.”

She taps it twice and passes it to Shelby, who's hysterics are making it harder to keep it together. “Charm your way all around those clouds...”

Shelby repeats the action quickly and passes it to Krissy, who she was snuggling with. Krissy takes it and says, “I hope Heaven has a racetrack.”

Vinnie takes the can after her double hit and smiles faintly. “I'd put my money on you every time McCoy. Every. Time.”

He gives it a double tap and hands it to Aunt Kelli who looks like she might not be able to say anything. After a brief pause she surprisingly she states, “Protect Ben. He's gonna need it.”

She repeats the action and hands it to Knox. With a clearing of her throat she says, “With you two goons terrorizing Heaven, who am I supposed to make breakfast for?”  She tries to giggle, but it quickly turns to soft sobs. Knox says in a shaky whisper, “I'm gonna miss you, Merrick. I'll do my best to take care of the rest of the McCoys. And Jovi. I'll keep an eye on her too.”

Hearing her say my name makes me teary eyed again.

Knox gives the can a double tap and passes it to Madden, who takes it but never looks up. In a voice barely audible he states, “I will never forgive myself for this.”

(I know the feeling.)

He places the remains in the ground and tosses dirt on top of it, our choking sobs the only added sounded.

(It's okay if you sob with us. Might as well suffer together.)

Jovi

Sealing another box, I glance at Hayli, who has remains of the friend I once knew, but isn't the same person any more.

(I guess neither am I. Over the last couple of weeks she's started to pull away from not just me, but life. There are times when I'm not even sure she's present any more. Does that make sense? Like she's physically here, but mentally a million miles away.)

“You okay?” I ask, flopping on the edge of my bed.

She nods slowly. “Are you...are you sure you still wanna move away?”

“More than ever,” I rush to answer. “I think before I wanted to be free of this place, but now it's a need.”

(Away from my dad and his iron tight grip was what I thought I needed, but I was wrong. I just needed something worth living for. Something exciting. Something to make me feel alive. Something outside of the pages of an art book. I needed something to help me create my own masterpiece.  And I got it. And now it's gone.)

“I think it'll be good to have a fresh start. Some distance between what's happened here. A place where I'm probably not still on the front page cover for being kidnapped by a drug lord.”

“Any news on that yet?” Hayli rubs her arm. “Any word about where he is?”

“No,” I sigh softly.

(Which should worry me, but dad says he's got eyes all around the country watching out for me. Before I probably would've thrown a tantrum and bitched about how smothering that feels. If anything, I find it relieving. It makes the idea of shutting myself inside forever seem dumber and dumber.)

“What about you?” I clear my throat, the gnawing insecurity trying to creep up again. “Did you decide where you're gonna go?”

“Montana,” she answers and nibbles on her bottom lip.

(Her confidence is damn near non-existent. I haven't seen her flash skin since before the funeral. Haven't heard her talk about getting laid. Hell, other than to help me pack these last couple of days, she hasn't left her apartment. No. I haven't left my own house for more than the required grief counseling, and the occasional meal requested by Nadie, but I have been trying to move forward as best I can. A little bit. Every day. It sucks ass, but I'm doing it. Part of me feels like it's what Merrick would've wanted. I owe him that much.)

“My parents think some time away will be good and I don't know, I've done this whole city thing forever. Maybe some cows or tulips will be good for me.”

“Maybe.” I nod. “Think you'll get internet?”

“God I hope so,” she whispers. “I need to be able see your face at least once in a while.”

With a smile I state, “You better come visit me. I swear if I have to fly up there and put you in my suitcase to get you to come see me I will.”

“You know I hate to fly.”

“Road trip it,” my suggestion gets a goofy smirk.

Unexpectedly, there's a knock on my door before Nadie's face peeks in. “Jo' there's someone downstairs to see you.”

Confused I scrunch my eyebrows. “Who?”

“Ronnie? Johnnie?”

“Vinnie?” Hayli tries to help.

“Yes!” She points at her. “Vinnie! There's a Vinnie here to see you.”

“What's Vinnie doing here?” Hayli asks me as Nadie disappears.

“Beats the hell out of me. I haven't seen him since...” the end of the sentence fades, but I try to continue. “No clue why he'd be visiting me.”

“Maybe he heard you were leaving tomorrow? Wanted to say goodbye?”

“Maybe...” I turn the light switch off on our way out of my room. “Are you gonna come by one more time?”

“Definitely,” she answers with a gentle elbow to my side. As we head down the stairs she asks, “Did Nadie finally get you a car?”

“They decided I should just take her SUV and get her something smaller.”

“That's a terrible idea.” Hayli chuckles. “Giving you something you can run over small children in.”

“Hayli!” I snap arriving at the front door where Vinnie is waiting.

She winks and gives Vinnie a small smile. In a soft voice she says, “Hi.”

“Hey,” he cheerfully greets her. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah. We're done packing and Jovi's dad wants to do a father daughter dinner thing.”

“So he's not...here...” Vinnie looks around suspiciously.

“No. So, you can relax,” I giggle opening the door for Hayli.

“I wasn't...worried,” he nervously comments, following Hayli's footsteps. After she says goodbye to us, Vinnie turns to me. “I won't take up too much of your time. I just came by to give you something.”

“Oh yeah?” I fold my arms across my chest. “What's that?”

He holds up a finger then points to the road where I see Shelby pull into my driveway in a car that cracks my still healing heart. Words don't seem to be able to find their way out of me as I watch Shelby climb out of the white Audi.