“I can't,” I whisper my denial.

“You can,” Vinnie counters. “It's legal. All the paperwork is in your name. Tags are real. She's even insured in your name for the next five years.”

My jaw bobs in disbelief.

“I promised Merrick that if anything happened to him, I'd return her home where she belonged. To you.”

Shelby bounces over to us and dangles the keys out for me. “Drives like a dream.”

(Please hold all I drive like a nightmare jokes until the end.)

“Vinnie...”

“Look Jovi,” he states in a shaky voice. “There's nothing I can say or do to express my apologies for what you're dealing with or with what you went through. You were thrown into this world and not once blamed any of us for what we did or why we do it. You've got a good heart, Jovi Carter, and the world needs more people like you in it. If you ever need anything, big or small, do not hesitate to call on me. Ten minutes, or ten years from now.”

In a small sob, I thank him. “I appreciate that.”

He nods and starts to back up slowly. “Good luck at college, Jovi.”

“Good luck with...everything,” I retort.

Vinnie gives me a short wave, drops an arm around Shelby and heads towards his car.

Clutching the key tightly, I rest it against my heart, the ache I had just started to cope with hurting more than ever before.

The sound of the door opening causes me to glance over my shoulder. Nadie immediately rushes to me at the sight of the tears in my eyes. She pulls me into her arms and cradles me.

“What's wrong Jo?” Trying to stifle a sob, I shake my head. “Is that...whose car is that?”

“Mine,” my answer causes more tears to fall. “It's mine now...”

**

After I cried over the car, I buried myself in my room, looking through my favorite Van Gogh books and scrolling through the pictures we used for my project. The memories seemed to cushion the initial pain, but add to the underlying lingering despair. Eventually my dad came home and insisted we grab food from The Box.

In honor of my fiance I order a thing of nachos that I poke at instead of eat.

“You're back to not eating,” my father points out, having a bite of a burger.

“It comes in waves.” Picking the cheese off, I stare down at the plate filled with food I know I won't consume. Food I know Merrick would've. “How's your burger?”

“Good,” he answers as he wipes his hands. “You wanna talk about what's bothering you?”

I shake my head.

My father leans back in his seat. “Are you all packed to leave tomorrow?”

“I am.”

“Good.” Dad wets his lips and asks, “Anything we need to get you before we leave in the morning? New sheets? Pillows? Shamp-”

“We're good dad,” I cut him off. “Just have to fill up with gas and go.”

“And that Audi in the driveway?”

“It's mine.”

Uncomfortable he tilts his head at me. “Jo-”

“It was Merrick's.” Pushing my plate away I lean back in the booth. “He wanted me to have it. Well, that and this hat.”

(His favorite black hat. It was waiting for me in the front seat. Looks good on me, when I'm not bawling over it.)

“Can you even drive that thing?”

“Yeah,” I quickly answer. “Err...Kinda.”

Surprisingly he says, “I can show you how.”

Baffled I croak, “What?”

“I know how to drive a stick. I'll show you how.”

“Why would you...you hate cars like that.”

“I hate what people who drive cars like that do with them. I trust Merrick didn't turn you into one of them.”

“They weren't bad people, dad.”

“I believe that,” he surprises me again. “After hearing the stories and a little research of my own, I've gathered that conclusion.”

(That's a relief.)

“But they made bad choices, Jo'. They have to pay for them.”

“They did. With their lives.” Running my fingers through my hair I ask, “Any news on The Devil?”

“Not at this time,” he answers quickly. “I don't want you to worry about it either. I want you to focus on your future. What you plan to do with your life now. I want you to know that you're my daughter and I love you. I know this is hard, but you have to trust me to do my job Jo'. More importantly you have to do yours...”

(My job is to move forward. To move on with my life. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting Merrick. God, I could never forget him. He would want me to keep my life going. To follow my dreams. How the hell do you let all your other dreams live when your biggest one died?)

Jovi

(The first month was the hardest. I spent very little time outside of classes and studying. I got a job at a local art museum, which helped further the distraction on how much I missed Merrick. During that time, I found myself checking my phone constantly for texts, convinced it was vibrating when it wasn't. Sometimes I swore I saw his face around campus or at the local restaurants close to the apartment. I know that sounds a little crazy, but haven't you ever lost someone? Didn't you go through that? September and October both got a little easier. Instead of missing him in everything I started pretending he knew. Started communicating with him, like he could hear me. Eventually it took away the remaining aches. I'm not ready to have a life without him in it, so if talking to him like he can hear me is what I have to do, then so be it. And yes, I still wear my engagement ring. I just try to change the subject when he's brought up. I'm not ready to relive it again and again, so for now, the tag line is...we're in a long distance relationship. Just so happens it's a very long distance one. Longest one possible.)

“Dad, I really gotta go,” I insist on the outside of the lecture hall.

“Did you get Nadie's care package?”

“I did.”

“Did you get mine?”

On a small huff I push my hair behind my ear. “Not yet.”

“It should be there soon.”

“Okay Dad. I'll let you know. But I really have to go.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” He playfully asks on the other end.

“No. I'm trying not to waste your hard earned dollars and be late for class. I'll call you later.” Seeing some of my study partners, I wave to them. “Promise.”

“Fine. Fine,” he grumbles. “You know I love you, Jovi.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

After hanging up, I hit the silence button, and slide it into my bag.

(We've come a long way since August. The aftermath of my kidnapping broke a lot of walls that needed to come down. Not just between us, but between him and Nadie. I confessed everything I could about Merrick without completely selling out Vinnie and the others. It killed my father to hear it. I could tell by the way rage constantly came into his eyes. I'm not sure it was always because of Merrick or because of the secrets I had been keeping. However, I vowed to stop that. To be honest, even if I knew it would hurt. Grief counseling helped a bit with that aspect. Even though Dad and I are the furthest we've ever been physically we are definitely the closest. Like I said before, it's sad that it takes death to bring people together, but it happens.)

As soon as I flop down into my seat, Trey leans over my shoulder and asks, “Are you still coming to The Tank tonight?”

“It's half price beer and nachos,” I comment back. “Of course I am.”

“They have these ones called Ultimate Nachos on the menu now. Saw them and knew you would go for them.”

Pulling out my tablet I smirk. “I do have a huge appreciation for nachos.”

“One of a very few ladies who does.”

In a joking tone I shrug. “What can I say? I have a taste for the finer things in life.”

Trey chuckles a little and belts out, “Oh! Speaking of taste for the finer things in life, have you seen the mural someone painted on the sidewalk outside of the Drauary building?”

Shaking my head, I turn in my seat to finally face him. “No. Someone made a mural on the sidewalk?”