"So, what's the game plan for today," Elliot asks, breaking the silence as he takes a seat at the counter. "Who's all coming over?"

"Your parents. My parents. A few friends of ours. It's not going to be a big thing. Is there anyone you want to invite?"

"Not really. James isn't going to be able to make it into town and Luke doesn't answer his phone anymore so I have no idea if he'll show up. I left him a message, but I haven't heard back from him."

I close my eyes and try to picture Luke. He hasn't been home even once since he left. I doubt he'll show up for a little get together to celebrate Elliot returning home. That doesn't sound like him at all.

The three of us work to get all the food together. I send Elliot to fire up the grill so that I can get myself ready. Felicity's eyes go wide when she realizes that I'm leaving the two of them alone. She's talked to Elliot on the phone for years now. They know each other well. She has no reason to be nervous.

The two of them are on the patio, sipping sangria when I join them. The tension that was in the kitchen has evaporated into thin air. Felicity looks relaxed. Elliot is now the one that looks nervous. I wonder what she said to him to get under his skin.

The weekend flies by. Even with the extra day, there still wasn't enough time. Tuesday morning Elliot leaves at the same time the two of us do. We all have to be adults today and go to work. Elliot is pumped up for his first day. He's only meeting with the principal and signing his contract, but he's excited none-the-less. I'm dreading the long day that I have ahead of me.

Felicity has been abnormally quiet all morning long. Something is going on with her. I noticed it yesterday then, she wasn't on the porch this morning when I got back from my run like she normally is.

I asked her about it last night, but she changed the subject. I asked Elliot if he noticed her acting weird this morning, he just shrugged his shoulders. I have my suspicions, but I can't confirm anything. I'm going to have to get her alone and interrogate her.

My day is longer than I planned so I skip the gym and head straight home. The house is abnormally quiet when I walk in. Both Elliot and Felicity's cars are in the driveway so I know they're here. I just don't know where. I check the kitchen and the back patio, but there's no sign of them. I head down the hall to my room and hear Felicity giggling. I knock on her door but she doesn't answer and the giggling has now turned into muffled voices and the pitter-patter of feet across the hardwood floors.

Elliot slips into the hall, closing his door behind him. "Hey, Reagan. I didn't realize you were home. What's up?"

He's talking fast and fidgeting. He's hiding something. Or someone. I smile, knowing exactly what's happening right now. I interrupted the two of them getting to know each other better. This explains Felicity's behavior the last few days. When did this start?

"Not much. I'm going to go for a run and then hop in the shower. Tell Felicity we're having drinks on the patio tonight to celebrate." I leave Elliot standing in the hallway, his mouth hanging open in surprise that I put it all together so quickly.

The two of them are waiting for me on the porch when I finally emerge from my shower. Neither of them say anything as I take a seat. I look from one to the other, waiting for one of them to confess their sins, but neither speaks. I guess I'm going to have to lay it out there for them.

"I know you both better than anyone else. You're my best friends. When I met Felicity, my first thought was how perfect she would be for you, Elliot. I was so focused on my own life that I didn't stop to play match maker and I probably should have." Felicity hasn't blinked in a few minutes. Her eyes look like they're about to bulge out of her head at any moment and her face is turning the cutest shade of pink. Elliot, on the other hand, is enjoying my speech. He's relaxed into his seat and is smiling at me.

"You are both adults. You don't need my permission or blessing to be together. You have both if you want them, though." I smile at my friends, knowing that they have an opportunity to make each other very happy.

"You're right, Reagan. We don't need your blessing, but it means the world to me that you would give it." Elliot pauses and looks toward a very flushed Felicity. He takes her hand in his. She doesn't fight it. "You could have this too, you know."

Elliot's words catch me off guard. When I make eye contact, I confirm the fact that he's talking to me. I force a smile on my face and nod in his direction. Maybe someday.

"If you're still waiting on Luke, he'll be out in a few months. That doesn't mean that he's coming home, though. In fact, I doubt he will. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but he's changed."

My heart sinks. The truth hurts. I feel a stabbing pain in my chest. Sadness consumes me from the inside and works its way out. The first tear escapes before I have a chance to get control of my emotions. I hold my head a little higher and let it fall. They both know how I feel about Luke so for the first time ever, I allow myself to cry in front of another person.

In true Reagan fashion, I’ll do the only thing I know how to do to keep my feelings in check. I’ll date. I’ll throw myself into it head first. For the next year, I'll date as many guys as time allows. My only focus will be to feel nothing, fall for no one. I'll move from one to the next, biding my time until Luke shows his face. Then, when he finally does, it'll go one of two ways. We'll either be together or we won't. If we don't end up together... well, I don't honestly know what I'll do at that point.

Felicity and Elliot are too caught up in one another to notice the depression that I've fallen into. Thankfully, Elliot moved out a few weeks after he came home and Felicity spends most of her days and nights there. We still see each other on the weekends. We still spend time together, the three of us. I'm the third wheel these days when we go out.

My routine is on point. I run the beach in the morning. I've added an extra mile to my normal route and I'm feeling better than ever about my physique. After that, I work a minimum of twelve hours followed by an hour at the gym. I've given up cardio at night and now I'm focusing on toning. My legs and arms are looking great. My abs are flatter than they've ever been.

After the gym, I shower and hit the bar down the street. That's generally where I pick up my next fill-in. That's how I've started to think about them. They're filling in for Luke. They're only a part of my life because he's not here. None of them matter to me. Most of them don't make it past the first date.

I waited seventeen years for the most amazing first kiss. I always thought that I was a nerd because of that fact. What I realize now is that there was a reason that I never kissed a boy before Luke. I was waiting for him. I've been waiting for him since then.

Of all the men I've dated, all the horrible and sub-par kisses I've endured, there's one thing that I haven't let go of while waiting all this time. My virginity. It's not mine to give away. It belongs to Luke. If he had stayed with me that night after he kissed me it would have been his, but he was a gentleman. He knew where things would lead and he knew I would be even more devastated after he left. Some days I thank him for that, other I curse him.

I'm sure my friends think I'm sleeping with some of the guys I date. I almost did a few times in college. The urge was there, but the passion wasn't. My heart wasn't in it. Whenever things got to that point, my first thought was always of Luke.

Then they would kiss me and that was the nail in their coffin.