The clock in the living room chimes. It's time for me to head to the hospital.

On auto pilot, I drive across the city, park in the ramp and walk the all-to-familiar path that leads me to Felicity's room. The Grangers leave and I'm once again alone with my thoughts. I pull out my notepad and start to jot down some things I might want to say tomorrow. I scribble out the first two things on my list and write two more. I'm not normally a funny person and tomorrow is not the time to try my hand at humor. I want to keep it light but heartfelt.

"Rea-"

My head whips in Felicity's direction. Her eyes are open and staring into mine. "Felicity?"

"I hurt."

Oh. My. God. She's awake. I stand, the pad falling to the floor. All thoughts of writing Elliot's eulogy forgotten. I move closer to her and place my hand on hers.

"I need to get the doctor. I need you to stay awake." I back away, never taking my eyes off of her. I open the door, stick my head out and holler to the nurse down the hall. She comes rushing towards me followed by another woman.

They check Felicity from top to bottom and page the doctor. He shows up and starts asking her questions. Her name. Where she is. What city she lives in. Who I am. How she knows me. He asks her question after question and she answers them all, her voice growing stronger with each word uttered.

"Where are her parents?" The doctor asks me after he's finished questioning Felicity.

"Shit! They went to get some rest. I'll call them. I only live fifteen minutes away." I'm already dialing my phone. It rings and rings, but there's no answer. I try them again and this time Mr. Granger answers, half awake and mumbling.

"She's awake." Two words. That's all it takes to wake him up fully and get his engine running. Those two words just changed his world completely. What was dim only a few hours ago is now bright as day.

The doctor promises to return shortly once the Grangers have arrived to answer any questions they may have.

"Where's Elliot?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I knew she would ask, but I didn't think it would be her first question. I can't tell her. I can't be the one. It's going to break her.

"What do you remember?"

"Reagan. Where is he?"

"I'll tell you, but I need for you to tell me what you remember first. Please." I beg her to talk to me. I need for her to talk to me. I need for her to be my friend right now because once the truth is out, she's going to change. Her life is going to change. Her heart is going to be crushed.

"He proposed and I said yes. We were headed to tell you and James. I'm assuming you knew he was going to ask me." I nod my head and smile at her. Of course, I knew. "We had just left his place when this minivan passed us and was swerving in and out of traffic. The guy was driving like a maniac so Elliot said we were going to take a short cut. That's the last thing I remember."

I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm glad she doesn't remember the accident. I'm glad her last memory of Elliot was the best memory she could possibly hold onto.

"Someone hit you guys. He ran a red light and crashed into Elliot's side of the car." The tears are starting to form in my eyes. I can't hold them back. "The burns on your face are from an airbag exploding."

"What about Elliot?" Tears are streaming down her face. She knows the answer to her own question. I shake my head. "Reagan. Where is he?"

I've lost my voice. I'm not ready to say it out loud. I can't. It'll make it real. It's real enough right now. His funeral is tomorrow. A funeral that Felicity probably won't be able to attend. The place where I'll have to say goodbye to the best friend I've had since childhood. The best friend a girl could ever ask for.

He was my protector. My confidant. The only person who understood me. The one who pushed me to be the best I could be. The one who was there to catch me when I fell. He was my everything and now... he's gone. I love him, more than I'll ever be able to describe and in a way that I'll never love another again. I'm not sure I ever told him that.

I close my eyes and bow my head. I hear Felicity crying, but I know there's nothing I can do to comfort her. It hurts. It's going to hurt for a long time. The pain will never go away, but it will hopefully fade over time. I have to believe that one day Elliot's memory will make me smile and the pain will be a dull ache in my chest.

When the Grangers arrive, I let them have some time alone with Felicity. I pick up my fallen pad of paper and my purse and promise to come back and see Felicity tomorrow. I don't tell her it's Elliot's funeral. I know the doctor's won't let her leave the hospital to attend. We'll have our own private memorial once she's better. She needs to focus on her recovery right now.

The house is silent. It's an eerie feeling. I've never lived alone. Felicity and I have been roommates for eight years. She'll be home eventually but until then I'm going to have to get used to being here without her. Not tonight. Tonight I need company.

I rummage through my purse and pull out my cell. He answers on the first ring as if he was waiting for my call. He's walking through the front door with a bottle of wine and a smile half an hour later.

We sit on the back porch, drink wine and talk. I talk, he listens. I tell him every good memory of Elliot I have. I tell him about growing up next door to each other. I tell him about our fights in college. I could talk about Elliot for hours and hours and never run out of stories.

"James asked me to stand up and say something tomorrow. Today, actually." I say as I look down at my watch. It's after two in the morning. The funeral starts in less than eight hours.

"Are you going to?"

"I don't think I can. I want to, for Elliot. I want to honor his memory, but I don't think I'm ready to talk about him yet."

"You just did. I know it's different but I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for Reagan." He takes my hand and slowly brings it to his lips, kissing my knuckles.

"I'm not. I haven't slept in days for more than a few minutes at a time it seems. I can't close my eyes without seeing him." I relish the feel of my hand in his. His touch is gentle and comforting. There's a reason I called him. Deep down I know it's not fair to him but I can't help it. I need him right now and I'm being selfish. There's no one else. I'm all alone.

Will excuses himself and disappears inside. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. The breeze blows my hair around my face, tickling my nose. I smell the ocean, the salt. I listen as the wave’s crash against the beach. My body feels comfortably numb thanks to the wine. As long as I don't think about Elliot, his funeral or the fact that Felicity is broken inside and out, I might be able to sleep tonight. I take a deep breath and then another.

MY ALARM IS BLARING. I reach for it but something is in my way. Correction. Someone is in my way. I crack open my eyes to see that Will is fast asleep next to me. He's fully clothed and snoring lightly. I reach over him and shut my alarm off. Careful not to wake him, I crawl out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom. I realize as I close the door behind me that if my alarm didn't wake him, nothing is going to.

I take off down the beach at a snail’s pace. I'm grateful I was able to sleep last night, but my lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me. If my alarm hadn't gone off, I could have slept the day away. I would have regretted it later on, but the thought is enticing.