As soon as he takes his seat again I clear my throat and search for my focal point. If you can find one thing to focus on during a speech you forget you're in front of an audience. I scan the room to find it and when I do, I inhale so sharply that the microphone picks it up. People start to turn, following my eyes. To distract them, I start speaking.

"For those of you that may not know me or recognize me, my name is Reagan Brooks. Elliot and I grew up next door to each other and have been best friends since we were little. I'm not sure what I can tell you about Elliot that you don't already know. He was an amazing person, brought up in an amazing family." I look to the Evan's who are all assembled in the front row with the exception of Luke. I shift my eyes back to him and continue. "I was blessed to have known Elliot for as long as I did. He was the kind of person who made you feel special just because you knew him. He had a caring heart, one that had room for everyone. The day of the accident-"

I pause and look down at the podium. I can feel myself getting choked up. I regain my composure quickly and find my focal point. He's still staring directly at me. "The day of the accident Elliot asked his girlfriend, Felicity, to marry him. Of course, she said yes. He was so excited to ask her. He was already making plans for their future together: kids, a house, the whole nine yards. He would have made it his reality, too. That's the way Elliot was. If he wanted something, he worked hard until he earned it, until he could prove to everyone that he deserved it.

"Each of you are here because in some way Elliot made an impact on your life. It may have been small or felt insignificant when it happened, but you can see how much bigger it really was now. He had that effect on people. He would say one kind word, one encouraging word and you just knew things were going to be better. It's important to remember Elliot the way he would have liked to have been remembered. As a good friend. An amazing brother. A loving son.

"I'm sad to have to say goodbye to my friend. I am proud to have known him. He made me a better person just by being a part of my life. I loved him and I'll miss him, but he will forever live on in my heart."

I break eye contact with Luke and head directly back to my seat. The pastor takes my place behind the podium and we bow our heads in prayer one last time. He speaks to the heavenly father while I speak directly to Elliot, telling him everything I want him to know before his soul is taken.

I tell him that I love him. I thank him for his unwavering friendship and support through all our years together. I promise to watch over Felicity and help her through this. I promise to keep his memory alive long after he's gone. Lastly, I promise to find someone who makes me as happy as Felicity made him and that when I do, I'll fight for them and never let them go.

I DON'T SOCIALIZE at the wake. There are a few familiar faces that say hello to me, tell me what a great speech I gave and then go about their business. I'm not interested in reconnecting with people that I haven't seen in a decade, people that didn't care about me back then and are only being cordial now. I've never cared what they thought of me and now that Elliot's not here to be my wingman, to defend me when needed, I don't plan to open myself up to strangers.

That's what they are. Strangers. They were back then and they still are.

My parents have come and gone. My mother was a wreck. Elliot was like her son. I'm pretty sure she was hoping that we would marry long ago. She never completely understood our relationship and now she never will. I won't be able to explain it to her or talk about Elliot for a while.

Will stays by my side the entire time. I watch as Luke and James move from table to table, thanking each person for coming today. Mr. and Mrs. Evans stay seated. Neither of them are making eye contact with anyone. Mrs. Evans looks as if she might break at any moment. I want to go to them, to hug them, but I know better. It's best to let them grieve right now and save the hugs for a later date.

I study Luke, his movements. He's changed. The boy I knew has grown into a man. Physically I would recognize him anywhere. He's still as gorgeous as he was in high school. His confidence radiates off him like it always has. Something is off though, and I can't put my finger on it.

I expected him to be different than I remembered. Maybe under the circumstances I'm holding onto the boy he used to be and that's who I recognize. When he turns toward our table and our eyes meet, my heart speeds up. The feelings that were coursing through my body that day in the woods so long ago have returned. Every emotion, every desire, builds and builds as he walks toward the table, his eyes never leaving mine. From this distance, they look like they're the same color they were that day, dark and stormy.

I'm not ready. I've spent years dreaming about this moment and all I can think about is how much I'd like to run and hide. Running is what got me into this mess to begin with. He'll catch me, or at least he'd try. I'm not that girl anymore.

Will says something to me, but I don't hear him. I'm still staring at Luke. He's only a table away now. Suddenly, he breaks eye contact. I follow his eye to where my hand is, on the table covered by Will's. I pull my hand away and look back to Luke, but it's too late. I don't see him anywhere.

James approaches our table, alone. He's on autopilot. "Thank you for coming. It means a lot to our family." Then he drops a bomb on me. "Luke said that he'll catch you later. He got a phone call and stepped outside. Thanks again for saying a few things today, Reagan. I know it would have meant a lot to Elliot."

I nod because my voice is caught in my throat. The phrase he used "catch you later" sounds exactly like Luke. What does it mean? Is he going to come back and talk to me in a minute? I can't. Not right now. I'm emotionally drained. I need sleep. I need to get out of here. Now.

Will asks to come in when we get back to my house but I just want to be alone for a while. I can tell that he's disappointed, but that's the least of my worries right now. I've been having flashbacks since Luke disappeared a few hours ago. Flashbacks of days I spent with Elliot and Luke when times were simpler and all we cared about was having fun. Nothing was complicated. Nothing else mattered but that moment. The future wasn't a concern for us. Things like college, falling in love and dying weren't even on our radar.

It feels like the two weeks Luke and I spent avoiding Elliot so that we could spend time together were a lifetime ago. The feelings I had for him then still feel very real though. Watching him today, move through the crowd, talking to people and comforting his parents, caused my heart to ache. Not just for Luke but for Elliot.

It aches for my friend whose life was cut too short, for Felicity who will never be the same because of the loss, for Elliot's family and for me. I meant what I said in my speech. He truly did make me a better person just because I knew him. He made me stronger. He pushed me to be the best I could be, to be who I wanted to be. He was the best kind of friend anyone could ask for. He was supportive.

I lay down on the couch and stare at the ceiling. My phone rings in my purse, but I'm too numb to get up and answer it. It rings again, but I still don't move. Whoever is trying to reach me gives up thankfully. An hour later there's a knock on the door. I contemplate ignoring that too, but my car is in the driveway. Whoever it is knows I'm here and probably won't give up.

I push myself off the couch and make my way to the door. I expect it to be Will, checking up on me. It could be Felicity's parent. I haven't heard from them at all today. What I don't expect is to see James standing on the other side of the door, still in his suit from the wake but dripping sweat.