Always in my heart,

Luke

December 24, 2007

Reagan,

I bought you a gift a few weeks ago. I was going to bring it home with me and then I chickened out. I made it all the way to the airport, checked in for my flight and went through security. I listened as they called for passengers to start boarding. I was frozen in place. I watched as they shut the gate and the plane departed.

I want to see you. I want to hold you. More than anything. If I'm going to let you move on, I can't see you though. I know it's been over three years, but it feels like just yesterday I promised myself that I would let you live your life.

Elliot said that you changed your hair. I'm sure it looks amazing. He also told me that you've been acting different lately. I'm not judging you, but he says that you've been dating a lot. His exact words were something like "she's going through boyfriends faster than I go through underwear." I'm worried about you. Please don't do anything you can't take back. Regret is a funny thing. Trust me. There is so much that I regret.

Not sending my letters for one. Avoiding going home. Avoiding seeing you. My biggest regret is not telling you the truth about how I feel. There are so many things that I wish I could change, do over, but I know that I can't.

I'll find a way to make all of this up to you, Reagan. I promise.

Merry Christmas!

Always in my heart,

Luke

January 18, 2008

Reagan,

You still love me. When your letters stopped coming I assumed you moved on, no matter what Elliot would tell me. After talking to him on his way home from your place last night, I know that you love me. At least, according to Elliot who was pressing me for answers.

Don't worry. I didn't tell him anything. He needs to hear it from you.

He was angry, Reagan, and maybe a bit confused. Whoever Preston is has him on edge. Does he really look that much like me? Elliot thinks you're looking for me, that you're trying to replace me. I hope that's not the case. I hope you never replace me with another man. I understand why he would think that, though.

There was a girl - I'm sorry, I know you aren't going to want to hear this - last year that I tried to date. She was sweet and innocent like someone else I know. Her eyes... that's what really got me. They were so similar to yours that I got lost in them. It was like I was looking at you if I stared at her long enough. Her hair was even a close match.

I made it two dates before I had to break all ties with her. It was too weird. She was you, but she wasn't. Her physical features were similar, but that's where it ended. I don't want a stand-in Reagan. I want the real thing because no one will ever be able to compare to you. No one gets me like you do. No one turns me on like you do. Sorry, that may have been a little bit of an over share.

The point is, I think it's time to tell Elliot. I wish I had the courage to send you this letter so that you knew. When you're ready, when the time feels right, I know that you'll tell him.

Always in my heart,

Luke

May 25, 2014

Reagan,

This is my final letter to you. I'm on my way home. I'm on my way to see you. I'm actually sitting in the airport right now waiting for my plane to board. Once I seal this envelope, I'll place it in the bag with the rest of them. I'm bringing them all with me, to give to you. I owe you an explanation and I'm not sure that words will be enough. I think the letters will help you. Writing them has helped me.

Elliot put everything in perspective for me this afternoon. He's the reason that I'm finally coming home. He says that you're miserable. All I've ever wanted for you is to be happy. It seems I've had the opposite effect on you than I intended to have. Letting you go was supposed to be a good thing for you. I was trying to be selfless. I screwed that up and I'm so sorry. I plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you'll let me.

I love you, Reagan Elaine Brooks. By the time you read this letter, I hope I've shown you how much I love you and have loved you for the last ten years. I have a decade to make up for and I'm going to start as soon as my plane lands. I hope you're ready.

Always in my heart,

Luke

I NEED TO TAKE a break. With every new letter I read my emotions run wild. To know that Luke was thinking about me all these years... I don't know what to do with that information. My hope was that one day we would be together. When I dreamt about him I always wished that he was dreaming of me as well. To know that he was, that I was on his mind as much as he was on mine, is surreal.

It spins a whole new perspective on things.

I change my clothes and make my way down to the beach. My plan is to run, but my body has other ideas. The sleepless nights and stressful days are getting to me. Instead, I walk and think of Elliot. I let my mind wander as I stare at the beautiful homes that are along the water.

Money. Success. None of it really matters. Happiness and the people you surround yourself with, the people that you share your life with, the people you love. That's what matters in life. It's not what you have it's how you live.

I take a seat and stare out into the darkness. I'm not sure what time it is, but the sun has been down for hours. There's a chill in the air and my skin pebbles as a breeze blows off the water. I rub my hands up and down my arms to warm myself when I feel someone standing behind me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up until I hear his voice. I let out the breath I was holding and shake my head.

"What are you doing down here?"

"You happen to stop in front of my house and take a seat on the sand so I thought I would join you." Will wraps a blanket around my shoulders as he takes a seat in the sand next to me. "I took that as a sign that you might need to talk."

We do need to talk, but I don't think he's going to like what I have to say. Will's been chasing me for years and his timing has always been horrible. This time is no different. I was ready to give him a chance, to really try and make it work this time. Luke showing back up made my head spin in circles and his letters have caused an ache in my chest that I don't think will ever go away.

"I do need to talk to you but I don't think now is a good time." I look over at him but can't see his expression. There's a porch light shining brightly behind him and no matter how hard I squint, I can't make our more than the structure of his cheeks.

"I'm guessing this has something to do with the guy that was at your house earlier."

"Um. That was Elliot's brother, Luke. How did you know I had company?" Was he spying on me? What did he see? What did he hear?

"I came over a few hours ago to check on you and I heard you yelling."

"I had no idea. You didn't knock." I wish I knew exactly what he heard when he was there. I've never talked about Luke with Will. There was never a reason to.

"I walked so I was coming up the back and when I reached the top step of the porch I heard you. It didn't look like he was hurting you so I didn't stay. Is everything alright?" His concern for my well-being makes my heart ache. I never intended to hurt Will, it was the farthest thing from my mind, but I knew this day would come and I should have prepared myself better. I should have prepared him for it. I should have told him about Luke.