I get ready for class, forcing myself to put my contacts in. They don't sting as much this morning. I'm grateful for that since I won't be able to take them out for at least the next six hours. Just in case they start to bother me, I stick my glasses in my bag before I head out the door.

My phone rings just as I'm about to enter the class. It's Elliot. It's been a pain in the ass getting him on the phone the last few months. We spent some time together over break when we were both home but since coming back east, we've both been really busy. I peek in the classroom to see that the professor hasn't arrived yet before answering his call.

"Hey, Elliot. My class is about to start. What's up?"

"Not a whole hell of a lot. Just wanted to say hi and see if you were still planning on coming here for spring break."

I forgot about that. I should go. I haven't been to see him yet. Plus, the shopping in New York City is amazing. I could get some new clothes. Someone can show me how to put makeup on. I might even go to the salon and have them do something drastic to my hair. My makeover could begin.

"Yep. I'll be up there Saturday or Sunday. Can I bring Felicity?" I'm not sure what her plans are but if she's not working, I would love for her to finally meet Elliot. I talk about him all the time. They are practically perfect for each other. Wait. They can't date. What if they broke up? I don't want to lose either of them.

"Sure. I would finally get to meet your infamous roommate. I was starting to wonder if she really existed." His voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"Funny. I'll let you know. Gotta go."

"Okay. I'll call you later." I hang up the phone and walk into class just as the professor starts his lecture. I take a seat in the back of the room for a change. I normally sit in the front row, but I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I was late by walking all the way to the front.

Class drags on. I draw up a plan for spring break in NYC. I haven't been there since we went to check out Columbia before Elliot applied. We had a blast in the city that weekend. It was Elliot, Luke and me. Luke was supposed to be our chaperone since he was the oldest. I don't think his parents realized that at only 20 months older than Elliot, Luke was the least responsible of the three of us. We spent a good amount of time roaming the city, finding cool places to hang out. Elliot tried to convince me to go shopping while I was there, but I ignored his pleas. Luke made fun of him after that for wanting to shop. I have a feeling that if I had wanted to shop, both of them would have been by my side, helping me pick out clothes the entire time.

Thinking about Luke sparks a fire within me that I thought was starting to die. The day he left Pacific Grove for boot camp a part of me went into hibernation. My heart stopped beating as I watched his parent’s car disappear down their driveway. I was left standing, alone, waving at the car. Elliot and James went with their parents to see Luke off. I tried to sneak a moment alone with him, but it never worked out.

He knew how I felt about him. I didn't need to say it one last time. My actions spoke for themselves. After that day in the woods, we were never the same. The nights we spent together only confirmed how we felt about each other. We didn't fight like brother and sister anymore. We didn't tease each other or pick. He never chased me again, but he did watch me. Like a hawk. The change was so noticeable that Elliot said something to me about it. He asked me if something happened. I had to lie to him. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want anyone to know.

I wasn't embarrassed. Why would I be? I had been fantasizing about Luke for at least three years at that point. He hit puberty and I took notice. I stopped thinking of him as a brother then. As he grew into a man, I couldn't help but want him even more. Luke had always been handsome, but something changed about him. At first, I thought that it was the way his body became toned or the little bit of facial hair that he let grow. I realized that it was his confidence that I found so sexy. He was sure of himself and the person he was becoming. I was still unsure about everything except the way he made me feel.

All the letters I’ve written him lately have gone unanswered. That's not why I write them. I write them because I want him to remember me, to remember the way it felt that day. I want that kiss to have as much of an impression on him as it did on me.

SPRING BREAK SNUCK up on me. I forgot to ask Felicity if she wanted to go with me. She picked up extra shifts at the library to cover for the people who were going to be gone. I was on my own for a week. A week in NYC with my best friend. I couldn't wait to see what Elliot would say when he saw the new me.

I scheduled an appointment at a salon before I left town. The stylist was fantastic. She helped me figure out what the best look for me would be. She put layers in my hair, lightened it underneath and made it darker on top. I wasn't sure if I was going to like it, but it turned out amazing.

Once I made it to the city, I stopped at the first clothing store I came across. I bought a few things that I thought would look nice. I made sure that they fit me better than the clothes that I was currently wearing. I changed in my car before heading to Elliot's. He wasn't expecting me for a few more hours, but I couldn't wait. I was too excited to see him. I was excited to show him the new me, the improved version of myself that I had been working on over the last few months.

He said that he noticed a difference in me over Christmas break. I told him it was all because of Felicity. She's helped me open up. I actually try to talk to people. In high school, I stayed as far away from others as I could. I didn't feel like I needed anyone else because I always had Elliot. I still have him and I have Felicity. I also have a study group in a few of my classes and a few people that I talk to outside of class.

I don't feel alone at Yale. I thought that I might, but I don't.

I knock on Elliot's dorm room door, but he doesn't answer. He has a single so if he's not answering, no one's home. I try the handle and it turns with ease. I open the door a crack and peek my head in. I hear a noise coming from across the room so I run my hand along the wall for a switch. As soon as the light comes to life I regret my decision. There's a half-naked girl on top of Elliot.

She screams. I scream. Elliot covers his eyes and groans.

"SERIOUSLY, REAGAN! Did you not see the Do Not Disturb sign on the handle?" Elliot is pissed. He never gets mad at me. This girl must mean something to him if he's upset that I interrupted whatever was about to happen.

The look he's giving me, as if he doesn't recognize me, is what concerns me the most.

"Nope," I say as I cross the room. The half-naked brunette is crawling around on the floor, looking for her clothes, by the time I reach the bed. I stretch out my hand to introduce myself, but she's not interested. "I'm Reagan."

"That's nice. Elliot, I thought you were single?" She sounds even more upset than Elliot. Avoiding eye contact with me, she pulls on a pair of jeans and slips into her sparkly sandals.

"He is," I answer. "I'm his best friend."

"Sure you are." She picks up a blue frilly top off the floor and covers herself with it as she brushes past me and heads for the door. "Don't bother to call me."